Stories Archives - Page 3 of 6 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Leave A Personal Legacy

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Famous people with famous legacies

Abraham Lincoln (1809 – 1865) inspired the nation with his Gettysburg Address and helped to bring about the abolishment of slavery.

Nelson Mandela (1918 – 2013) campaigned for justice and freedom in his native South Africa. He spent 20 years in jail for his opposition to apartheid. On his release he healed the wounds of apartheid by his magnanimous attitude to his former political enemies.

Marie Curie (1867 – 1934) awarded a Nobel Prize for both Chemistry and Physics. Her discoveries with radiation helped advance medical science. Also, her achievements were even more remarkable at a time when few women gained education.

Martin Luther King (1929 – 1968) the most influential leader of the non-violent civil rights movement, inspired millions of people, black and white, to aspire for a more equal society.

Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) – One of the greatest minds in human history. It is wildly believed that da Vinci was centuries ahead of scientific discovery. He furthered advancement in anatomy, astronomy, physics, science and the arts.

Mother Teresa (1910 – 1997) – Lived a life of poverty to try to improve the conditions of others. Her devotion and compassion inspired the lives of many people.

Jane Goodall (1934 – ) – Made ground-breaking study into the behavior of chimpanzees. Goodall became a noted campaigner and activist for environmental protection and kindness to animals.

Mozart – A musical genius whose talents give joy to millions of people.

Rumi – Sufi poet. His mystical poetry continues its universal appeal.

Steve Jobs – Charismatic founder of Apple. Helped create new standards of design in technology.

These famous people changed the world at their time of life, and their legacy lives on.

We need not be political or social heroes, gifted in the arts and sciences, or spiritual leaders to leave behind an enduring legacy.

The thing about personal legacies is often we don’t know we’ve left one. Good or bad.

A kind gesture, an encouraging word, a thoughtful gift; human exchanges we encounter throughout our lives make us want to be better people. Conversely, a person who is angry, cheats, lies, proves irresponsible again and again, any kind of destructive behavior…leaves us feeling something else altogether. Both are memorable legacies.

I vote for kind and gentle legacies.

The father who watches his daughter change a tire under his direction teaches her self-sufficiency.

The mother who rehearses “the first dance” with her son demonstrates the importance of tenderness and romance.

A coach who plays everyone on the bench defines what it means to be a player on his team.

The boss who encourages employees understands they are the future of the organization.

The middle-school math teacher who stays after school to tutor a struggling child and just maybe, huh? discovers the child’s obsession with taking pictures of animals. That child learns to believe that he possesses special talents and gifts (okay, not Algebra!), and goes on to a successful career as a National Geographic photographer.

These simple moments, however fleeting and benign, have the ability to leave a positive mark and endure a lifetime and beyond. Sometimes a legacy is just being the right person in the right place at the right time to change or alter or turn someone’s life in new or better direction. For this, you will be remembered as THE person who influenced a life.

Many of the people in our lives exit this world without awards and ribbons. Yet their names more indelible than if they were etched in stone across some alumni building. We fondly remember the ones who left their great legacy on us — parents, teachers, coaches, bosses, mentors, etc. — for their humanity and spirit. Side note: Those of us with parents or grandparents who emigrated to the United States at great personal sacrifice, we owe a debt of gratitude. We must tell and record their stories for the next generation. With any luck, the histories and legacies we tell bare some semblance to the truth!

Part of my writing journey is expressly for my children. Ideas and ideals that were passed to me from people way smarter and wiser than I’ll ever be. The legacy we leave need not be worthy of a statue in our honor or biographical documentary. By doing our best job to not f-k up in this world is a good enough legacy. But to be a regular person who can be an extraordinary influence on our small personal tribe is more than good enough.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Plant It Forward

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The first plants I ever purchased for my home were from a local Ladies Garden Club. Mostly older women, they wore wide brim hats and gloves, all proper Victorian-looking to me.

Each plant, harvested straight from their own gardens, had received years of tender administration which I was too immature a gardener to appreciate. For a few dollars I was handed a wrapped ball of Bleeding Hearts, Hostas and Lady Slippers. The warmth and richness of the soil in my hands lingered as the gardener shared the history behind each plant. The Bleeding Hearts, a wedding gift from her mother-in-law. The shade loving Hostas from a neighbor as a welcome gift. The showy, yellow Lady Slippers taken from the woods along a path that lined a dirt beach pathway.

I felt as if she’d just handed me her babies. My duty going forward was to plant them, care for them, let them grow to be big and strong. Was I worthy of this responsibility?

When I thanked the woman for the plants she admonished me. Apparently there’s an old wives tale about thanking someone for plants — don’t do it. “It’s best to take them and say you’ll give them a good home,” she said. Okay, weird.

Nearly 35 years and two homes later (couldn’t leave without some) these plants make me smile each spring when their new shoots break through the topsoil. It’s funny, but I silently thank those lovely ladies for their stories, then look over my shoulder.

Over the years I’ve received many clippings and root balls from friends and family. I cherish the armful of tangerine Daylilies my Mom brought me from her yard. Hers came from my grandmother who received a pot of them from her sister, my neighbor for several years. After my great-aunt’s passing, a young couple moved into the home. I gifted them with pots of divided Daylilies, their great-great-great grandchildren.

Today my garden overflows with Rosemarie’s pink and purple phlox, Sheila’s red poppies, my Mom’s daylilies and Rose-of-Sharon trees, Leah’s Montauk daisies and Autumn Joy sedum. Every year I take pictures and share as a reminder of our longtime friendships that continue to grow.

I’ve given them a good home and given them away to good homes.

Request: Please share images of plants, trees, or flowers someone has given you that you’ve transplanted in your own space, or plants that you’ve given away.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Before I Die

Sterling Vineyards. Napa Valley, CA

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This isn’t meant to be dreary — quite the opposite.

I saw this chalkboard on a visit to Sterling Vineyards in Napa Valley, California. It was inspiring to read all of the entries.

I had two: The first was to visit Napa Valley. I was there, so I wrote it on the board and checked it off. The second “Before I Die” is a lofty goal. A stretch for sure, but not unobtainable — like, say, being the first female on Mars to open a Fro-Yo shop with 47 flavors. Probably not going to happen, for me. But my granddaughters have a decent shot at it.

Whether you get the chance to declare it to the world in Napa Valley or scribble it on a sticky note you put on your bathroom mirror as a reminder, what are you going to write?

Before I Die…

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image: Personal

Worry Less

befat.net Worry is a wasted emotion 4.5.2016

I was born worry-free. Becoming a worrier evolved over time.

As a kid I worried in private but kept up with the other (tom)boys. We scaled water pipes three stories up the side of Hovey School. I worried we’d get caught (and arrested!) or one of us would fall to our deaths. We fashioned “jiggers” from scrap wood, nails and rope, and screamed as the contraption shimmied and shook down Hampton Hill. A bloody-faced Frankie F. received a group-carry to his front porch. We knocked on the door and ran back to the Hill. I worried his mother would call our parents. She didn’t. Ten stitches later, he was back to co-pilot. No one got sued. All day we passed around a garden hose from kid to kid, and despite ample warnings, no one ever contracted rickets or scurvy.

My worry heightened after eavesdropping on my mother who worried about the Cuban Missile Crisis with her friends. That’s when the school began to practice air raid drills. My feeling of being out of control fed my worry that on any given day a missile (whatever that was) might land in the schoolyard, and not be a good thing.

By adulthood creepy crawly things and over-inflating my tires caused worry. So did taking wrong turns and ending up in the back streets of a shady neighborhood with no outlet. Balloons that suddenly pop and scare the hell out of me. Having correct change at the “correct change only” tolls. I book hotel rooms on low floors, worried that I might need to escape a burning building. Flying (actually it’s a fear, but I WORRY about the logistics of air travel, and whether the pilot has had enough sleep).

When I became a parent the degree to which I worried included my children. Why? Their survival skills weren’t as adequately developed as my friends from the 60s. Isn’t this what all parents believe? I’ve never seen proof that scurvy CAN NOT be contracted through sharing a bottle of Dr. Pepper.

Later I worried about the Cancer. That the late stage of it made the diagnosis bleak, at best. I worried about him. I worried about him and me. I worried about the kids. I worried about him and the kids. I worried about the separations. The treatments. Losing our jobs. Our home. Our insurance. I worried about infections and hospital bills and strict food preparations and germs swirling around — they were everywhere! All that worry consumed every waking (and sleeping) moment. Despite my diligent worrying we made it through it all.

I worried globally, too.

About the planet. The dirty air we breathe. The acid rain falling from the sky, its waters feeding the food we harvest and eat. Oil spills. Fracking. Nuclear weapons. Nasty crazies who want to hurt nice innocent people. I’m still here despite all of it, including consuming some bizarre foods, by choice.

I worried about really stupid things: Thunderstorms. Parking far away at the mall. Well-meaning clerks spraying things on me. High-pitched animal screeches in the night. Running out of milk during a Nor’easter snowstorm — kind of an inside joke around New England.

Guess what? Years and years of worry resulted in…not much. Without exception, NOTHING I’ve spent a lifetime worrying about ever harmed me the way I worried it would. I survived. My husband survived. Our children survived. Their children will survive. The world survived.

Worry, I’ve learned, is such a wasted emotion. It brings fear and anxiety and paralyzes freedom. It stresses our entire being – physically, mentally, spiritually.

If I could tack back all the worry years of course I would. Since it’s impossible, I move forward.

I worry, still. But it’s manageable and fleeting. I recognize worry for the useless, draining emotion it is and send it packing. Better planning gives me more control over the emotion. Now I turn on lights instead of bumbling around in the dark waiting for something to jump out.

I’m not wasting time worrying anymore…

Except I do worry that the second slice of pizza WILL end up on my hips. It will. That’s a fact, my friends. And it’s nothing to worry about.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

What’s Your One Thing Today?

Do One Thing-4.5.2016

If you’ve followed my BeFAT musings for any time, you’re well aware of my talking about doing ONE THING. These two words are enough to get you (well, me) out of a rut and motivated to get ONE THING accomplished today.

Surely we can all do ONE THING. I’m not talking about “being busy.” Shit you can be busy all day and get absolutely nothing finished or even started — hamster on the wheel ring any bells?

Today I must focus on getting one thing done.

Maybe because it’s springtime (although you’d never know it in New England) but my To-Do list is growing. Besides work stuff I am itching to get out in the yard, if the weather ever decides to cooperate.

I’ve got a screenplay to revise and it’s due in a few weeks. Unless I chain myself to my desk there is a possibility the deadline will come and go. I MUST NOT let that happen.

There is a 25 or so page Manifesto for the BE F-G AWESOME TODAY website that I’ve shelved over and over. It’s the project I MUST finish to take this blog to the next step. Which brings me to the next step — what is the next step? Because it could take many roads. A book? Guest articles elsewhere? Helping other people explore their creativity?

Then there’s the two other screenplays in outline form. A novel about Woodstock, which might become a screenplay idea. IDK.

Oh, and the vegetable bins are wanting me to turn them over. Have I mentioned the weather around here? Snowing? In April!

I’m also helping the hubs build his website and writing his marketing materials — this is in my wheelhouse, but it takes time. And there’s only so much time, right?

There are plenty of things-to-do that will grab my attention today and keep me from doing that one thing I know will make me do the happy dance. Right now it’s finishing the never-will-be final draft of a screenplay due soon. To manage this Herculean task my one thing for today is to review the subplots. It’s a manageable chunk. That’s what we must do otherwise we get confused– cue the hamster wheel — and a confused mind gets nothing done.

Just remember: ONE THING. You’ll find this small step puts you on the right path (you know it) and closer to your personal Nirvana. It’s not the ONLY THING, but you gotta start somewhere.

The garden will wait (thanks, Mother Nature), the hubs will wait (the website is functional and looks cool) and the other writing projects must wait, too.

If anybody is looking for me today I’ll be chained to my desk.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Until Your Last Breath

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My great aunt was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer in her mid eighties. A normal or expected response to this news might be of resignation and reflection. After all, twenty years ago, living until your mid-eighties could be considered a good run.

She was in fact an elderly woman. She did reflect on her life. A good life, she said. Not without its trials and hard times.

Her father died while she was still in utero. Her mother, blind from untreated diabetes, raised her and several siblings alone. I say “several” because until this day no one is sure who were the blood relatives and who were “the others”. Her mother took in orphaned children and raised them along with her own. To my great-aunt they were all brothers and sisters. This was before bureaucracy and rules. When it was common for immigrants to “adopt” without red tape, forms and lawyers. People took care of the needy when no one watched, without the benefit of welfare or insurance.

She later met and married a wonderful, fun and gregarious man. They raised a family. Built several homes and ran successful “mom and pop” businesses. Her children and grandchildren were her life. Their hurts and challenges took a toll on her psyche but only temporarily, she said. You dig in and do what needs to be done to protect your flock.

Throughout her life she witnessed injustice, persecution, inequality, harassment, discrimination, wars, senseless deaths, natural disasters. She’d also enjoyed the love of a good man, kind and supportive siblings who lived well into their 80s, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and wonderful friends.

She and he husband traveled the globe. They lived a rich and simple life, below their means. Until his death, they were hardly ever apart. Different in demeanor and personality they were like peas and carrots; unique in every way but together, better.

A little cancer scare (she’d had two others in her lifetime) was nothing to sneeze at of course, she said, but nothing to get in the way of her life plan. She relayed to her health care providers that she’d prefer to get on with the surgery and treatment. “I have places to go, things to do, people to see,” she told me the last time I visited her beside. Ever stoic and strong, ever the matriarch, she made sure there was coffee in the pot for visitors and a comfortable chair to relax in and enjoy the visit.

She was a kick-ass role model to anyone who cared to look past her flaws. Hardly Teflon, she’d been born and raised in a tough neighborhood under strained circumstances. She fought for her life all the way and stayed kind and caring to the end. “Fight the good fight until the end,” she said. “God will be happy with what you did with the life He gave you. And how you treated other people.”

Good life lesson.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

You Will Be Just Fine

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Today I learned of a casual acquaintance who was having a tough day. Her health took a turn; not life threatening it seems, but nerve-wrecking just the same. Who hasn’t had a personal day or string of days like this? Maybe if not you personally, someone close to you.

I hope this message finds its way to her and anyone else out there whose day didn’t end with a lottery winning but something more reminiscent of a booby prize!

Wash away this crappy day and just know you’ve survived it and you will survive another one. You’re so much tougher than you know.

Blessings!

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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If You’ve Got It, Rock It

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Instead of being critical or spending energy on what you lack, why not rock out all the gifts and attributes you do?

This woman passed me recently and while the moment was brief, I was able to snap her photo from the passenger window of the car. She wore a long thick coat, boots, a kicking hat and formal gloves completed the ensemble. At first site she caused a stir in our vehicle as she sped by in a single-minded purpose. There was some giggling and references to our future old age.

But here’s the thing: the memory of her has stayed with me. Why? I thought that this is EXACTLY the way we should behave. By own our light. In all our glory. Out in the open.

This woman (I’m making assumptions here, of course) used a bike to get to and from where she needed to go. She dressed however she felt was appropriate or necessary for the task or occasion. And she didn’t appear to give a hoot what the pea brains like me might think about any of her choices.

For her to be riding at all meant she’d managed to keep in good shape. She was coordinated, too, balancing the ride with a cell phone in her hand and, trust me, she was cruising through the streets.

Point is she was doing it. Working it. Rocking it.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Image: Personal photo

Lighten Up

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We know that humor can lighten a mood and change the direction of a conversation. It’s no joke that laughter is a great stress reliever, too. Sure, a good laugh cannot cure all diseases or erase serious problems. But the medical community has long touted the benefits of laughter; from changes in organ function to immune system improvement.

Oftentimes laughter is the only medicine. At least it was for us during the time my husband was quarantined to a hospital room for several weeks as he recovered from a bone marrow transplant. Despite the previous months of failed chemo treatments which resulted in a weakened physical state, my husband kept his sense of humor. It not only got us through another day but provided comic relief to some of the hospital staff.

Meal choices during his confinement period was extremely limited — my best recollection is of petrified chicken, canned beans, fried potatoes. Nothing fresh or resembling the homemade foods he’d been used to eating. Strict menu choices were meant to protect a weakened immune system from potential food borne illnesses. No matter how pitiful the offerings, he never complained.

Each day food services provided a sadistic Scantron menu card. (Scantron is a card where you fill in circles next to your selection, like the old school tests, and then a machine “reads” the answers.) I say this because virtually nothing on the menu could be ordered, so what was the point other than to give a patient fighting to stay alive something to ponder. And he spent a long time making his selections. This was the highlight of his day. But no matter what he chose, the tray arrived with the same shriveled chicken, fried potatoes and green beans.

One afternoon a young food service worker, dressed from head to toe in protective clothing, delivered his meal. She placed it on his bedside table and giggled: “We enjoyed your menu selection today, Mr. DelTorchio.”

When she left the room I asked what he’d done. As he chewed the fried chicken nugget, he too giggled then handed me the Scantron menu. He’d figured out that if he scribbled outside the circles, the Scantron reader kicked it out and a person would need to read it. That day’s menu choice: Baked Stuffed Lobster, Baked Potato with sour cream and butter, a garden salad with blue cheese dressing and for dessert, a brownie with ice-cream.

In the toughest time of our lives, a little humor became a daily blessing.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Dinner For One

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Having dinner alone conjures up thoughts of someone who is lonely or a traveler in a strange place with no friends. But honestly, sometimes the person having dinner alone, just wants to be alone. From her family. And the dog.

——————————-

I’d had enough that day — stressful work, household drudgery, children pushing each others’ buttons, dandelions suffocating the lawn — all I wanted was a nice quiet meal with my family.

After work I picked up three kids from three different activities which could not be further apart and still be in the same city. Like mothers everywhere, after My Day Part One, I barely kicked off my shoes before throwing in a load of laundry, starting dinner and wrestling with homework. My Day Part Two.

It started like most stupid arguments do. The dog needed to be fed. And I’d hoped one of “them” wouldn’t find it too difficult to toss a cup of dried food into a bowl while I did “everything else”.

When the hubs arrived, he sat with the newspaper, instigated the kids, (“We’re just playing.”) and didn’t feed the dog. His world had no Part Two.

Nobody got to the table while the food was still hot, no matter how many times I threatened they’d eat it cold. Instead there was an undercurrent of bickering among the children. The only creature living in the house who minded her manners, and didn’t complain at the five o’clock hour, was the dog. She sat patiently waiting, looking to me to be fed.

Finally the family sat at the table, napkins under chins. “Did anybody feed the dog?” I asked while scooping mashed potatoes onto dinner plates. No big surprise; no response.

I left the table, taking up my plate, covered it in aluminum foil, put a cup of dried food in the dog’s dish and walked out the door. Okay, a bit dramatic. But it was a Thursday and I had one more day to go. I drove to one of my favorite spots by the waterfront, where, on a park bench with a stunning sunset view, I sat in peace and quiet and ate my chicken, mashed potatoes and salad.

A sweet young couple pushing a high-end baby carriage walked by. Ah, their first child. I could tell. All smiles and wide-eyed, smitten with the newness of parenthood. The BEST baby on the entire planet, they told me. Two months old. Cute. Adorable. THE. ENTIRE. PLANET.

Clueless.

Enjoy him, I said, and I meant it sincerely. I’d once been a new parent, sucked into the false advertisement of chubby cheeks, soft skin and melodic cooing at 9 a.m.

If not me, then somebody else would keep the park bench warm until the parents of the BEST child on the entire planet becomes a teenager. I sent them a silent blessing and finished my meal.

The sky changed from golden yellow to orange, and then beautiful streaks of pinks and purples danced on the still harbor.

Back at home things had settled down. The dishes were cleaned. Baths done. PJs on. Homework in progress. They were all happy to see me, especially the hubs, who squeezed me and said, “I fed the dog.”

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Category - Stories

Famous people with famous legacies