Stories Archives - Stephanie DelTorchio google4228e52aa5dfebc8.html

Category - Stories

1
Show Me Yours and I’ll Show You Mine
2
A computer, a banana and a writer walk up to the bar
3
Everybody Has A Story
4
Table For One
5
Change Your Story Change Your Life
6
Be going forward always
7
How will you spend it?
8
The mirror doesn’t lie
9
Don’t blink
10
Are you expecting?

Show Me Yours and I’ll Show You Mine

personal struggle/inspirational quote/Stephanie DelTorchio/befat.net

“No matter your battle, no matter your scars — visible or invisible — there were times when you were in a worse place and survived. Enjoy this day.”

I started this blog as a survivor’s celebration. One man. One woman. One family.

The purpose here is to share with you how to find the awesome in every day. Like I know, right?

But this is big news. The other day marked a huge anniversary of receiving a life saving bone marrow transplant — 17 years. This is stupidly remarkable.

The day we learned of the cancer prognosis was the worse day of our lives. If we were betting people we’d not have taken a two dollar bet to survive one month. Yet here we are. And a good reason why we don’t gamble.

Rewind a moment. Almost immediately we dug our heels in deep and vowed to fight like hell. “Finding the awesome” was a noble idea, a head fake to mask the truth when the world as we knew it felt twisted and rung dry.

That silver lining, the one everybody says to look for? Yeah, I didn’t find it most days. In real time my life imploded by the minute.

Here’s what I learned: A change in attitude is possible if you try really, really hard. But it ain’t easy when you feel bombarded and confused and out of your element.  When everything you believed was your future and everyone you trusted to support you, suddenly folded up their tents and moved the circus out of town.

You hurt and bleed, and in time, regroup and carry on. As many times as necessary. But the scars are deep, and on days when they still itch I wear long sleeves.

Time heals all wounds? Whoever the f*ck said that has never even had a paper cut. Time may mask all wounds. Time may crust over all wounds. But the scar tissue remains deep under the surface. What you see on the outside fades to thin silvery white streaks barely noticeable to the normal eye. But you know. You carry them with you forever.

I totally forgot about this scar on my kneecap until the other day. Weird I thought. Where’d I get that? Then the day came back vividly. Hovey School playground. Third grade. I was wearing brand new red tartan cotton pants — just had to wear them after school because they were new. The boys and I raced around the schoolyard on bikes. I slid on a patch of gravel and hit the pavement hard, knee first, dragging my leg few feet under the bike. Ripped pants, lots of blood and a flap of skin.

The silver lining? The bike was okay. The boys made sure I was okay. I held it together as I walked the bike home, my leg killing me but not wanting them to see me cry.

I had totally forgotten about it but when I rubbed my knee, just like that the memory came back.

The other night in bed, watching the eleven o’clock news, my husband just drifting off to sleep I remembered something. I leaned over and gently shook him: “Happy Birthday,” I said. “Seventeen years.”

It took him a minute to open his eyes and smile.

“Really? I totally forgot.”

“You did?”

“No, I think about it everyday…I just forgot it was today. Unbelievable, huh?”

“Yeah.”

BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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A computer, a banana and a writer walk up to the bar

9.2.2016 BeFAT Jar Update

Here’s an update on the BeF.A.T. jar that I started on January 1st — eight months of finding something awesome in each day. It ain’t always easy people…

So my computer decided to freeze up today while saving a rather larger document.

Four-hundred and six tries later… Okay, slight exaggeration…

Instead of heaving the thing across the room — so wanted to — I wandered in circles around the house.  Normal behavior for me to solve problems, and find missing reading glasses, and contemplate life’s great debates, like why all the fuss over paper versus plastic?

In truth, circling the furniture wastes a lot of time and begs more questions than answers.

When’s the last time this place got dusted? Is there a reason the light on the cable box has been blinking since 2004? And why is there a banana peel in the bathroom sink…Why? Who left it there?

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Everybody Has A Story

Everybody has a story/To tell the story of your life/befat.net/Stephanie DelTorchio/8.20.2016

Life is filled with lots of little moments that eventually add up to one life. Your life. Your story.

Our ability to sort the wheat from the chaff is difficult, given that, well, it’s our story. It’s very personal. And when we  sum up our life every bit matters — from what we’ve heard to what we’ve seen to what we’ve felt. These are the moving parts to our story.

It’s easy to pick out the good times from the bad times, but we store both in our minds. For safe keeping. Maybe to use later.

The positive stuff goes under the “good” column. If we haven’t figured out a way to “let go” or forgive or forget the bad stuff, we stockpile this to perhaps use later as ammunition or revenge or excuses.

All wrapped together, the good and bad experiences become our story. Years of data — wounds, failures, hurts, surprises, awards, broken promises, wins and losses, etc. —  support the story we tell.

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Table For One

Oscar Wilde quote/Now and then it is a joy/befat.net/Stephanie DelTorchio/8.18.2016

A former colleague of mine had remained a single woman into her early 40s. She owned a renovated beach bungalow. A lovely wardrobe of designer clothing. Drove a cute two-seater sports car. And her vacation time from work actually involved going on vacation, to a beautiful island or an extended stay at a spa resort. She treated herself well; setting “a proper table” at night which included a glass of wine and fresh flowers she bought twice a week from a vendor near our building.

As a mother of three school-aged kids, I couldn’t help being a bit envious of her Sex and the City lifestyle.

One day after work we wished each other a good-night. I harried off to gather my children, while she, with her stylish gym bag slung over her shoulder, headed in a totally different direction.

My Working-Mom-Part-2 ritual began. Three pick-up stops in a minivan followed by tug-of-war homework assignments while getting dinner on the table before baths and cleaning out backpacks. The Monday through Friday three ring circus. Still, the best part of every day was having our family around the table. Where everyone recapped their day. Caught up on schedules and who needed what by when, usually news to me.

“Mom, the bake sale is tomorrow. I said you’d make brownies with frosting, and sprinkles.”

At midnight, waiting for the brownies to cool, I romanced about my colleague. Probably soaking in a hot bubble bath sipping Chardonnay, while I made bologna and cheese sandwiches, then folded a load of warm laundry.

With the shoes and backpacks lined in a row by the door and the brownies wrapped, the dog patiently waited for me to call it a day. Instead, I poured a very tiny glass of red wine — to relax, you know.

One by one I shut the house lights. Then checked the bedrooms. The low breathing of my sleeping children brought a sense of completeness; another successful day — one where nobody broke a bone and the house didn’t burn to the ground.

Before going to bed I glanced around the living room with its scattering of books and puzzle pieces and Barbie doll body parts. The moonlight danced around it all, including the soccer cleats someone would forget tomorrow.

On the coffee table beside me, the pure and delicious scent of fresh lilacs, my favorite, filled the night with spring. Harvested from a neighbor’s yard, they had been a gift delivered with love by my seven-year-old daughter.

For a few minutes, in the quiet stillness, I sat alone enjoying my table for one. A final taste of wine, the smell of lilacs in the air and I headed off to bed. In the totally right direction.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Quote: Oscar Wilde

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Change Your Story Change Your Life

we are the stories we tell ourselves/Joan Didion quote/befat.net/8.8.2016

We are the authors of our story. And the story we tell other people about our life is what we want them to believe is our truth.

But sometimes it’s a lie. Sometimes a fantasy. A mystery. Traveling adventure. Melodrama. Farce. In my case, most days, a flippin’ black comedy show.

The truth is that when we change our story, we change our life. Because it’s a new story to tell. A new life to live.

Think about it.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Be going forward always

Be going forward | inspirational quote | leave the past behind | befat.net | #befat | finding the awesome in every day

The past holds valuable lessons and wonderful memories. Cultural traditions. Rituals. Ethnic foods. A namesake or piece of long-held property. What we know of our personal family history tells us about who we are and how we got here. That’s all. Our present and future depends on what we do with it, and is our responsibility of what we wish to leave behind.

We seek ancestry records to fill in missing links and often the findings are amazing because they are unexpected. Revelations bring our past up to date with our future. It centers our place on this planet. I am a descendant of these people who traveled here from there.

Discovery isn’t always pleasant. To learn that you are not royalty or heir to some ubiquitous island in Pacific can be a bummer. But to learn that your distant relatives were horse thieves or slave owners or tortured by radicals makes one feel tainted. Or learning that so many died at an early age from influenza or other easily treated disease, by today’s standard, makes one sad.

We dream of being Royal blood, to confirm what we’ve always felt: I am a Queen. Or at least in my bloodline.

By chance I met a woman who I learned was a distant relative of mine. It was exciting at first, until she presented “facts” that my father’s family were “the bad seeds” and she was from the better side of tree.

More recently I attended a bridal shower and was seated at a random table with no one I knew. We made polite conversation throughout the dinner. The woman directly across from me engaged in a random conversation about painting and artwork. I’d painted a gift for the bride. I showed a few of my sign paintings to the woman. One was a six foot reclaimed barn board with the city name Gloucester and the distance 20 miles underneath. She asked if I lived 20 miles from the city.

“It’s a translation of my mother’s name – 20 miles means Ventimiglia in Italian.”

File Jul 05, 9 56 53 AM

She thought a minute about this and asked if I knew another family that she thought she might be related to. Indeed I did. I told her the connection to my mother. She gave me her maiden name, a common name in the city that branched out across the city. Her maiden name was my grandmother’s maiden name.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s play the game…Who is your father.”

He shared the same name as probably 100 men in the city.

“Who is your grandfather?”

She told me but said he never went by his given name.

I leaned over towards her and smiled: “Did he go by the name Scotty?”

She smiled. “Yes.”

I said: “Uncle Scottie is your grandfather?”

“Who are you?”

“Etta is was my grandmother.”

“AUNT Etta is your grandmother?”

Instantly I had a new relative. A close relative. Discovered by chance?

2016-04-21 21.33.58

It turns out she’d done extensive research on our family tree. That night I discovered by Italian roots were quite shallow. That we are more than 80% Celtic. News to me.

Because we are shoots from the same tree doesn’t make our past our future. Respect those before you. Thank them for getting you here.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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How will you spend it?

Inspirational quote | funny quote | befat.net | #befat | finding the awesome in every day

Every day I become more aware of my own mortality.  That means I’m accountable to take care of certain things if I plan to go the distance. Some I’m cool with, some…meh.

Like flossing my teeth. Eating less junk food. Sharing. Going to bed early. Waking up earlier to catch the sunrise. Appreciating the small things. Getting off my ass to do my work.

All the lessons mother preached, and I fluffed off, on my way out the door.

How many of those early days had I not given a casual thought to the way my time would be spent? Answer: A lot.

Here’s the reality check:

Take your current age and multiple it by 365. Now subtract that from 30,000 — the average number of days in a lifetime. The result is the time you have left to do your thing, if you’re lucky. It’s a shocking number, no?

Several years ago, after saving for two years, my husband and I took a vacation week to a Caribbean island. Getting out of New England during the winter to spend time in a tropical place was brand new to us.

The change from snow to sunshine after a fairly short flight was magical. I felt a bit like Dorothy after the twister plopped her in the full color Land of Oz.

On the first day at the resort, we put the towels over our lounge chairs and shared a collective sigh…”we are on vacation.” We’d made a pact that we wouldn’t mention work or discuss kids or bills, nothing deeper than what we planned to do that day. And that became the running gag for a week:

“What would you like to do today, dear?” I asked.

“Anything I want,” he said.

We decided to sit by the pool and ease ourselves into the island culture of sun, relaxation and (for me) frozen drinks with little cute paper umbrellas. I settled into a book and chilled. Until…

The rains came.

Not a light sprinkle or a passing spring shower. Monsoon like rain in pea-size drops came at us sideways.

Palm trees flailed, chairs toppled, tourists scrambled for the indoors against hurricane winds. Except my husband and me by prixy.

We were not wasting a moment of this trip to a brief squall.

I quickly cowered under a beach towel and dug my nice nails into the bark of a tree.

My husband stayed in the lounger. Defiant and stubborn, his hands firmly on the arm rests fighting against the wind and rain. He ducked from flying cocktails cups and napkins and cute little paper umbrellas.

“This isn’t how we planned to spend the day!” I said against the howling wind.

Looking at me with a shit-eating grin, his finger to the sky, he said: “Yes it is. I’M ON VACATION!”

Think about that math problem again. What’s your number?

Can you carve out moments like this every single day? To be defiant and stubborn enough to not let anyone or anything take your day away?

Yes. Yes you can.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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The mirror doesn’t lie

Beauty | funny graphic | befat.net | musings and rants on finding the awesome in every day

“Magic mirror, on the wall – who is the fairest one of all?”
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

I remember the day my mother said she didn’t recognize her own face. For clarity, she was completely mentally intact. Her issue was one of acceptance.

“When did I get to be an old lady?” she asked no one in particular.

She’d washed her face and looked in the mirror and saw a stranger. Her point being…just where did all the years go?

The woman inside was twenty something. Taunt, lean, fresh-faced and bright-eyed.  Not the gray, sunken and pale reflection that reminded her of great-grandmother Catherine. (Her assessment, not mine)

Mirrors might as well be broken into pieces for the good they do for our self-esteem.

Because what we see is imperfection.

We use mirrors to nit pick and judge the importance of our physical reflection.  Every stray hair in weird places or brown spot or crease makes us wish for a time machine to the past.

But the world sees you in ways the mirror can never reflect — your gifts, talents, skills, personality — the real you.

What we mourn as loss, deterioration, aging…are signs of life.

For all the funny memes and jokes about growing older, we know the truth about what we really see. We just need to make the mirror-head connection.

Lines are smile markers.

Creases are historical evidence of tears divided between happiness and sadness.

Wisdom proclaims itself in graying temples.

You’ve fully ripened like a fine wine. Sweet, deep, full-bodied (oh yeah I said it).

So what if your softening roundness is deposited here and there. It’s where you store your great and varied knowledge — which would look really weird if it were clumped all in one place.

No matter the reflection, the mirror doesn’t lie. The mirror tells us the truth. It says you have lived.

Today, spend time making peace with your reflection. Honor it. Love it. Take care of it.

Tell the reflection that what you see is a mask; a small fraction of your entire being. Yep, it’s changing. Yep, it’s thinner, shapelier days are behind you, literally.

Please know that your inner heart and spirit are where physical flaws go to die because they’re superficial and supersede death.

No one will come to your funeral and say: S/he had a perfectly shaped nose or a enviable jawline.

No, they’ll remember that you were here by how well you used your time and how you made them feel.

Take a good long look in the mirror. Got it?

Now go smash the crap out of it.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Don’t blink

Positive graphic | empowering quote | inspirational quote | befat.net | #befat | finding the awesome in every day

This moment could become the best part of your story…

And the reason is because you get to choose what you will do. You get to make all the decisions.

This is how it went for me:

During the summer the neighborhood kids would choose sides to play sandlot baseball (or some other game) in the city park. There were two captains — the popular, strongest, most athletic, BOY — and the line-up of the rest.

You sort of knew your rank before the captains started to pick the best players.

The fat kid. Slow kid. Four-eyed geek guaranteed to whiff. The GIRL…we knew we’d be chosen near the end.  You could hear the groans of the captains and their near full roster when the fat kid and me parted ways to opposing teams.

“See you on the bench,” he said.

Lucky to be on any team and never a chance of ever being captain.

As an adult you don’t need to wait to be picked in order to become captain. Whether you become a team of one or a team of many, it’s your vision that becomes the driving creative force. You get to pick the players and create your own team.

Many people are comfortable being “players” because then you don’t need to make any choices or decisions. You follow the captain’s orders. Get a hit or draw a walk — just get on base to advance the vision of the captain. Do that and you’re a player. Do that and you won’t warm the bench.

It’s seducing to watch the captains we admire excel at the thing we want to do. It’s also safe, and boring, okay if your goal isn’t to become a captain some day.

But you don’t want to be a bench warmer or a player.

So, when the inkling of opportunity presents itself, that is the moment to put on your courageous jersey. Decide to choose yourself as captain. Then you get to pick your teammates and call the plays.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Are you expecting?

Something good is going to happen to me today / befat.net / positive quote / #befat

 

What are your expectations today?

It’s often in the first quiet sleepy-eyed moments upon awakening that you get the chance to make a decision. And it’s powerful. As sure as you’re reading this someone or something will try to snatch it from you.

Better to get your mind set on something good or else you will lose by default.

I was sitting on the porch after deciding to have a good day and truly believing that something good was going to happen to me today.

Then something fell from OUT OF THE SKY. It smacked the porch with a loud thud. Two feet from where I sat enjoying a fresh cup of coffee.

“What the hell is…get away from THAT!!” I said…to the dog who pounced on the splattered remains of the chew toy from heaven.

A passing hawk in a fight with another hawk had dropped the remains of his breakfast. Cue: Gross.

Without time for more than a “Holy shit!”, the hawk dove towards the porch…at me…and a crazed dog.

Thankfully the dog’s relentless bark (behavior we usually discourage) scared the hawk away giving me time to kick the “leg” (I decided it was a leg) off the porch.

Here’s the takeaway:

The hawk and I woke up expecting good things to happen to us today. When we encountered a glitch we adjusted and carried on. Surely the hawk found another critter. I replaced my spilled coffee. The dog scratched herself then fell asleep under the hammock.

The loser that morning was the one dropped from the sky.  He probably didn’t plan on that.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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