The most memorable people in my life are crazy. Funny thing: those people are also the happiest. You don’t need to be crazy to be happy but it sure can’t hurt.
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Don’t miss a thing. Get updates by email.
I‘ve uttered these three little sentences countless times. Mostly to teenagers. Or younger work colleagues on Fridays at five o’clock. Occasionally as fair warning to a wayward comrade. Often to myself.
It’s an amazingly simple request from a parent to child as they run out the door and into a car full of other equally clueless classmates. Of course they are smart. Ask them. Be safe I say to eye-rolling. Keep your head on is met with: Where else would I put it?
You really want to know?
But when you get the call at midnight or hear about the party the next day you wonder…did you hear me? I know you did. But did you listen?
Then I’m reminded that giving advice, even loving, caring, all-knowing, all-seeing parental advice, drifts off almost as soon as it’s said.
“Wise men don’t need it and fools don’t heed it,” goes a paraphrased quote from Benjamin Franklin.
Be Smart. Be Safe. Keep Your Head On.
It’s going to be printed on a t-shirt. Or tattooed to someone’s forehead. Do you hear me?
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Don’t miss a thing. Get updates by EMAIL.
“No matter your battle, no matter your scars — visible or invisible — there were times when you were in a worse place and survived. Enjoy this day.”
I started this blog as a survivor’s celebration. One man. One woman. One family.The purpose here is to share with you how to find the awesome in every day. Like I know, right?
But this is big news. The other day marked a huge anniversary of receiving a life saving bone marrow transplant — 17 years. This is stupidly remarkable.
The day we learned of the cancer prognosis was the worse day of our lives. If we were betting people we’d not have taken a two dollar bet to survive one month. Yet here we are. And a good reason why we don’t gamble.
Rewind a moment. Almost immediately we dug our heels in deep and vowed to fight like hell. “Finding the awesome” was a noble idea, a head fake to mask the truth when the world as we knew it felt twisted and rung dry.
That silver lining, the one everybody says to look for? Yeah, I didn’t find it most days. In real time my life imploded by the minute.
Here’s what I learned: A change in attitude is possible if you try really, really hard. But it ain’t easy when you feel bombarded and confused and out of your element. When everything you believed was your future and everyone you trusted to support you, suddenly folded up their tents and moved the circus out of town.
You hurt and bleed, and in time, regroup and carry on. As many times as necessary. But the scars are deep, and on days when they still itch I wear long sleeves.
Time heals all wounds? Whoever the f*ck said that has never even had a paper cut. Time may mask all wounds. Time may crust over all wounds. But the scar tissue remains deep under the surface. What you see on the outside fades to thin silvery white streaks barely noticeable to the normal eye. But you know. You carry them with you forever.
I totally forgot about this scar on my kneecap until the other day. Weird I thought. Where’d I get that? Then the day came back vividly. Hovey School playground. Third grade. I was wearing brand new red tartan cotton pants — just had to wear them after school because they were new. The boys and I raced around the schoolyard on bikes. I slid on a patch of gravel and hit the pavement hard, knee first, dragging my leg few feet under the bike. Ripped pants, lots of blood and a flap of skin.
The silver lining? The bike was okay. The boys made sure I was okay. I held it together as I walked the bike home, my leg killing me but not wanting them to see me cry.
I had totally forgotten about it but when I rubbed my knee, just like that the memory came back.
The other night in bed, watching the eleven o’clock news, my husband just drifting off to sleep I remembered something. I leaned over and gently shook him: “Happy Birthday,” I said. “Seventeen years.”
It took him a minute to open his eyes and smile.
“Really? I totally forgot.”
“You did?”
“No, I think about it everyday…I just forgot it was today. Unbelievable, huh?”
“Yeah.”
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Don’t miss a post. Get updates by email.
“David,” the son of alcoholic parents was tossed around the foster care system with two younger siblings until he ran away for good at sixteen. One foster family changed his name to “Michael” because they had a son by the same name.
Despite David’s troubled childhood he went on to have an honorable life with a wife and family. Sadly, his brother and sister died young from substance abuse. David was able to reconcile with his elderly and ill father in time to mend some wounds before his death.
What separated David from his siblings? Why did he fare better?
In his own words, he “made different choices.” He couldn’t change the circumstances of his upbringing, he said. Water under the bridge. But he sure as hell needn’t let his future be controlled by his past.
Whether he was aware or not, David committed to specific tactics that changed his life. Here are few —
8 Ways to Shift Your Circumstances:
1.Let those people go
People rank high on this list. If they’re messing with you, do your very best to cut them off, wave sayonara, send them light and love and kick them the f*ck out of your life once and for all.
2. Take this job and shove it
Ditto for a job or boss who doesn’t honor your time or talents or plain out makes you miserable. You need employment for many years to pay-to-play in this world. Find something that you’ll happily trade your precious time for a paycheck. And for someone who will value your contributions, and reward you. Or do it yourself.
“Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him.” – Wayne Dwyer
3. Engage socially
Call on your tribe. Hang out with the right people, those who will support and share your ideas and ideals. Join groups or organizations that feed your mind and soul, if that’s what it takes. Often our circumstances will change based on the company we keep.
4. Big changes need big action
We know the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. If it’s a big change in your circumstances you want to make, you’ll need to take some big and ballsy actions. Step out of your comfort zone. Stick all your fears in your back pocket and take them along. Be brave.
“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” — Nido Qubein
5. Go back to your childhood
Think back to when you were young. What made you laugh and happy when you were playing? You probably played OUTSIDE even in the rain. For hours and hours. You lost track of time building a “jigger” (go-cart), ice-skating, playing sandlot baseball or domestic bliss with your Easy Bake Oven. Play again. Get lost in the day again. Be childlike not childish.
6. Accept what is truly out of your control
Besides crooked front teeth or tropical storms, there are times when life’s unfortunate circumstances can feel as if darts have been hurled in our direction. We escape as best we can using every resource and tool we possess. Still, even with all our hard core training, awards, college degrees and adult smarts, there are days when life is a slow trudge through the mud. You just do the best you can.
“You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
7. Practice Gratitude
Nothing pushes the woe-is-me off the wall like making a list of blessings in your life. From a roof over your head to a working bladder, giving a shout-out to the Universe for what you DO have is a humbling exercise. It’s not a bad plan to make a short list every day before your feet hit the worn carpet that you’re also grateful for.
8. Get Quiet
Take a walk. Read a book. Meditate. Pray. Whatever works to calm your breathing and put your mind in park. Call it returning to center. Focus. Give it a name if you must as long as the result is a peaceful state of rest.
Back to “David” for a minute.
A tough childhood may have explained his behavioral issues as a teenager or his hardened opinion on what makes a healthy family. But at some point in his life he let the swan sing its song. No lying…he needed to get tough on himself and fight through a lot of hurt and anger. He chose who he wanted to become. The result was, for him, a happy life.
When it comes to coping and/or outwitting the less tragic circumstances, be more strategic. (Note: Of course Big Shit circumstances require more time and more than a few boxes of Band-Aids to fix.)
There’s no magic potion or quick fix being offered here. Old-fashion grit and tenacity, and a willing spirit, can put the odds in your favor to shift your circumstances. Not to just survive but thrive.
Notes from me to you:
What are some of the ways you’ve tried in the past to shift your circumstances?
Please comment below. Your insights and tips will help other people.
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Don’t miss a thing. Get these posts delivered to your EMAIL.
Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
For the rest of us still floating around the galaxy, Seth Godin‘s words of advice are not out of this world. They’re worth exploring.
Click To Tweet
This life “assignment” as my uncle says, is brief. This we know. So why do we continue to spend hours and hours working at a job that feels alien?
COMING SOON! I’m tackling the subject of passion using real-world doable assignments to rediscover what you already love and enjoy, and finding a way to turn it into a job you’ll love until your next assignment. I’m calling this quest, “The Passion Explorer”. In a four-part series we’ll go through some questions and exercises to help you match your passion with a job, second career or side hustle.
Got questions? Write them in the comments below.
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
There are no small parts just small actors…might be a fine approach should you wish to become an actor. But this is your life and there is ZERO reason to accept bit parts on the grand stage that is your one and only life.
You weren’t put on the planet to live a little bitty life.
Within your own four walls and around the people you know and love, you get the chance every day to take a starring role. To encourage others. To share. To influence. To teach. To inspire.
Play the part for all it’s worth. Come back with a fabulous encore. Then you get to take a well deserved bow.
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
I need to remodel the master bathroom.
Why? The ugly dark green floor tile for starters. I find it hard to believe that the original builder sorted through hundreds of options and decided: “Yes! I love it!”
He loved the construction-grade piece of crap vanity, too. And the goofy light fixture which makes the term “bathe by candlelight” all too real at six o’clock in the morning.
The entire room feels too small, too dark, too dated — everything any HGTV prospective homeowner would call “a complete gut job.” Seriously, I’m that crazy lady in Lowe’s constantly on the look-out for Matt Meunster and the Bath Crashers team to makeover my bathroom.
For thirteen years I’ve wanted to take down a wall and open up the space so that the sitting area isn’t so cheek-to-cheek. The room cries for natural light because the genius builder put the loo in the middle of the house. Our solution is a skylight. So we bought one. It’s in the box wedged behind other stuff in the garage, waiting patiently.
My husband and I agree the room could use a spruce up but we’re in opposite corners when it comes to a major overhaul. He says no, naturally I disagree.
Do men not realize that women fantasize about chic bathtastic renos? I have ideas people. Lots. Magazine cut-outs, a Pinterest board, samples, swatches. Forget visions of sugarplums dancing in my head. Friends, my dreams are of glass tiles, dual sink vanity, rain shower, water closet, the damn skylight installed. I’m ready to sledgehammer the space to the studs and turn it into a luxurious spa retreat.
And then…
I look at my sweet little EN SUITE with a less critical eye.
Nothing major is broken.
The toilet functions. Hot and cold water flow nicely. There’s a tub and a separate shower. The closet is ginormous. A new light fixture recently replaced brightens up the space. So what’s the complaint?
A major renovation wouldn’t make the bathroom function any better. It would be used the same amount of time. For the same people. Serve the same purpose.
After much thought, I think with a few tweaks it will be just fine.
Paint is a cheap and easy fix. Swap out the vanity. Add a towel bar. A new shower curtain.
If it ain’t broke, right? A few minor changes and VOILÁ.
Now about that skylight…
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic & Quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
CLICK HERE to get these posts by EMAIL
Please pass it on.
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
Click here to sign up to get these posts via your email.
Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Life moves at such a crazy fast pace today that it seems to pass us by before we can really enjoy it. Weekends go by even faster. No?
You know it doesn’t have to be this way.
Wouldn’t it be great if we started a Reduce Our Hectic Lifestyle Revolution and slow down to enjoy life more? Sign me up. I’ll take a Ladies Medium t-shirt please.
A slower-paced life means we get to enjoy our mornings, instead of rushing off to work or school or wherever in a frenzy. It means taking time to enjoy what we’re doing — to appreciate the sunrise, the smell of coffee, to actually focus on whoever we’re talking to or spending time with — instead of checking our laptop or iPhone before wiping the sleepies from our eyes.
It means shifting to single-tasking rather than multi-tasking — I’m calling this attention deficit focusing. Or why you just might leave home with two different shoes on your feet.
Here’s a few starter suggestions for how to slow life down:
Truth is, if you knew what excited you, you’d be doing it already. You’d probably have been doing it for most of your life.
So to be thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years old now and claim that “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up,” is bullshit. Sorry.
You know exactly what interests you.
As a little kid I wanted to write stories. And I did. I kept that up all through school, to some praise from teachers, too. My parents “discovered” some of my journals tucked between the box spring and mattress. That didn’t go well at all.
It was the 70s. Teenage girl. Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n Roll. Need I say more?
Copyright 2012-2016 Stephanie DelTorchio All rights reserved.
No comments yet.
Add your comment