Spirituality Archives - Stephanie DelTorchio

3 Ways Through Time and Space

Time Space | Sontag quote | befat.net

If you are living and breathing, the Universe will deliver crap on your doorstep. It’s a fact.

She’s kind and gentle enough to only plop as much as we (think we) can handle. Although the argument over fairness of the distribution is valid, alas, we have no say in the matter. It will happen. It will happen to you.

Crap ships and delivers in three ways: Instant, Express or Snail.

Instant

The sudden feeling of having the proverbial rug pulled out from under us. No warning. No head’s up. We didn’t order this crap. And we don’t want it.

Express

The steady motion of falling down, down, down. We’re trapped; burrowed deep in a ravine, towering jagged cliffs on either side. There’s no easy way out. If that weren’t bad enough, as we attempt to scratch and claw our way to daylight, we look up to see a huge gray mass being hurled over the edge. It’s airborne. A big ball of shit. Screaming down. Headed right for us.

Snail

This is the long time coming knock at the door at 2 a.m. Maybe there were signs we missed, a few warnings we brushed away, or worse, knew, but chose to ignore them. And when the knock finally comes, it’s faint. Unsure it’s come to the right place. But we know it has found its rightful owner.

We joke that “it all rolls down hill,” right? But once you’re on the receiving end, you’re knocked over and sucked in. Before you can catch your breath, you’re rolling with it (and not in a good way), unable to make it stop.

You’re the unwilling guest along for the bumpy ride, collecting more crap as you continue the decline. And the ride isn’t ever smooth like some kiddie cruise boat on a fixed circular path. Nope. You bang and crash into things, helter-skelter, until there is nothing left in your path. It finally stops with you in a heap, twisted, beaten and scraped all over. But alive. And breathing.

All we can say for sure, is that we’ve had the stuffing knocked out of us. Then inched our way back from the dark trenches and survived. Again.

In the meantime The Universe shows her true kindness by giving us the time needed to heal, accept and learn. She takes sweet mercy on us and invokes the law of compensation by delivering crap to somebody else.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Quote: Susan Sontag

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Your Road To Greatness

You are so worth the wait | love quote | befat.net

You were created for greatness. And whether your Mama or teachers or friends or lovers ever told you this before today, hear it now: You were created for greatness.

No matter your struggles or challenges, there is an undeniable spirit of love that surrounds you. You were created by love for love. But before you get all mushy, remember that love is fickle.

On any given day that love is palpable and honest and pure. It builds things up; it is kind and gentle, sweet and gooey. On other days it’s aloof and distant, as far from here as Timbuktu — unless of course you live in or around Timbuktu.

Somewhere, out there, on this not so vast planet, something or someone is wanting to connect with you. To make great magic happen.

It may take a lifetime of seeking and searching for you to find it and it to find you. But know that you have been divinely ordained to do the impossible and improbable. Yup, you. It’s like you’ve been given a customized gift, etched with your initials, that cannot be returned — even with a receipt.

And when the day comes, where you plug in and make the connection, you will say: Ah, yes. This is the thing. This is the one. This is my path. To my greatness.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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What If Life Doesn’t End The Way You Envisioned?

What If I Fall|positive graphic befat.net

What if your life doesn’t end the way you envisioned?

After all, you went through the long process. You did your best. Lived by the Golden Rule (mostly). Paid your taxes. And your dues…

You failed sometimes (or what looked like failure).

You won sometimes (or what looked like success).

You trusted your instincts. Went with your gut.

You trusted people. Worked out with some. Not-so-much with others.

You made a freaking decision, or many decisions. (More than the majority who never do, by the way)

You stepped out and learned something — applicable or not, you stretched your arms, your vision, your brain.

You took a chance.

You showed up. Every. Single. Day. (Alright, just about every single day)

You sweated it, tolerated it, promised it.

You honored it, stood by it, gave it everything you had.

You fixed it when it broke and tried again.

You kept the faith. (When you wanted to throw in the towel)

You tried. Again. And again.

You got involved in something that made you happy and free.

You opened your eyes and your heart to love. (Sometimes it worked out)

So maybe it doesn’t end the way you’d hoped or planned or envisioned.

Just what if it ends a whole lot better? Imagine that.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Is Having A Passion Necessary?

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A passion is that thing that breathes life into your soul. You know deep inside it’s something divinely directed. There is “IT” and nothing more. You’re most happy in the thick of doing your thing. Hours fly. You pass up food and sleep and sex. Count yourself among the lucky ones to own a passion. Without it you would be lost, a wanderer forever.

But what if you don’t have a passion or too many?

What if there’s a big void, a whole lotta nothing, this passion thing? Zilch. A goose-egg.

Or perhaps you’re a vessel of possibilities with multiple interests, an eternal flip-flopper? (I’m raising my hand.) What do you do with so many interests and so little lifetime?

No problem. Be the seeker. Try new things. Should one thing catch your fancy, pique your curiosity, then give it a whirl. What’s the worse that can happen? You’ll fizz out after a good run and find another new shiny object to chase. In the process you might just discover your true passion or many passions!

At the very least, having too many passions makes you the most interesting person at cocktail parties — a Renaissance man or woman.

Let’s be clear: If you have a passion — writing, painting, sailing, running, antiquing, etc. — you know it’s as natural and necessary as breathing. Do it like if you don’t do it right now you will die.

Let’s be clearer: Relax. You don’t NEED a passion.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Before I Die

Sterling Vineyards. Napa Valley, CA

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This isn’t meant to be dreary — quite the opposite.

I saw this chalkboard on a visit to Sterling Vineyards in Napa Valley, California. It was inspiring to read all of the entries.

I had two: The first was to visit Napa Valley. I was there, so I wrote it on the board and checked it off. The second “Before I Die” is a lofty goal. A stretch for sure, but not unobtainable — like, say, being the first female on Mars to open a Fro-Yo shop with 47 flavors. Probably not going to happen, for me. But my granddaughters have a decent shot at it.

Whether you get the chance to declare it to the world in Napa Valley or scribble it on a sticky note you put on your bathroom mirror as a reminder, what are you going to write?

Before I Die…

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image: Personal

Be Memorable

befat.net Be Memorable

For good or bad people form opinions about us. You can’t really change that. Or can you?

I had the pleasure of sharing a lovely afternoon with some dear former colleagues. A woman sitting next to me remembered several things that I’d said to her many, many years ago when my husband was first diagnosed with cancer.

Truthfully my recollection was rather weak, but hers, extremely sharp. She went on to say that when cancer struck her own family, my words came back to her. “This (disease) is bigger than us,” she recalled me saying in a calm voice.

Okay, if my memory serves me correct, I probably had accepted the facts laid out by the medical experts. Inside I felt a bit out of control, overwhelmed, fearful, confused, angry — but not calm! Apparently in my rather numb state I projected a air of Zen.

But to her these (forgotten) words, spoken in a controlled and rational voice not only comforted her but gave her much needed hope, she said. Who knew, right?

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the late great American poet, memoirist and civil rights activist, Maya Angelou:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

Today I’m humbled that what I’d said many years ago stayed with my friend when the dark clouds rolled over her family. Knowing a brief random chat later on became (one of many other) sources of comfort and hope (her words) for her and her family is awesome. People who’d been through similar experiences provided her strength and courage to carry on. All because of a few words, dug out of her memory when she needed them most.

When we walk away from conversations, casual run-ins, marriages, careers, families, jobs, or friends, we may never know how we made that person “feel”, but they will remember. Good, or bad.

As nice as it was to hear how my words made her feel, it’s more important to me that whether I knew it or not, on that day, our family’s story of survival helped her take on a horrible situation and handle it well. In love. With faith. And hope.

And isn’t that why we are on this planet?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Quote: Maya Angelou

Enjoy Your Free Mind Today

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We’ve all heard that “freedom is a state of mind”. I suppose there’s some truth to that.

Most of us have the clear mental capacity to choose what thoughts we let into our heads. And we’re pretty good at filtering out the good shit from the bad shit. But on THOSE days, yeah, you know the ones; we give in and tack up the sign in the window: Come In, We’re Open!

The door explodes, letting in the masses like Wal-Mart on Black Friday — peace lovers, harmony seekers, and chicken soup bringers. Not far behind, every brand of CRAZY known to man overfills your cart.

A free mind is smart to employ a noble gatekeeper. Depending on your life’s situation, you might have a burly Bouncer who lets in the pretty girls and tosses the drunks, or, if it’s one of THOSE days your Bouncer just might be the drunk who lets everybody in.

As kids the gatekeeper is loosey-goosey, one of us, so we believe. Some truly are well-meaning good friends. Others are false allies or ally opponents. In the time between elementary school through college our minds haven’t even interviewed a gatekeeper. If there’s the hint of a filter, it’s without set rules, a suggestion perhaps, more like a book wedged in the door. Everyone and anyone hops on the merry-go-round frat party. Our potential freedom is upstaged by an immature scared mind. We fear being excluded by the “popular” kids. (P.S. For some this doesn’t go away in adulthood).

By the time we find our first gray hairs most of us have installed an intrusion alarm to protect the freedom of my minds. It starts out as a nice picket fence, guarded by a dog. Then we get two dogs. Or one very big dog. Later, we build walls, or cold stone defensive fortresses. Ain’t nobody getting in here.

The delicate dance is to keep one’s mind free by choosing what thoughts we let in while not arming the fort tower with cannons. You see that, right?

To be a free citizen is a birth right in the United States; not so much in other places around the globe. In this country we are free to choose what we read and write. We choose our profession or career. We move freely from an apartment in the city to a home in the suburbs, if we choose. We are free to change our minds and try something new at any time. Sadly, this is the cause of many bad hair days.

As an American female I am free to vote or start a business; express my thoughts, ambitions, goals and desires in written word, in song, in prayer, with paint or crayons. I am free to dream, free to HAVE dreams. I am free to worship as I please, whether to the vast entity I call “God” or the blooming pink azaleas lining the driveway which I’m certain my God had his/her hand in creating.

We are not only free to choose who we let in to our life, but what thoughts we choose to let in our mind or elect to kick out. Ideas and ideals we’re cool with, we invite over the drawbridge. C’mon in, we say, pull up a chair and sit a while.

Freedom of the mind is freedom of choice. I choose this, not that. Love, kindness, generosity — supportive virtues that nurture our minds and trickle into our souls are always welcome. To choose the best thoughts and let them linger for a lifetime is true freedom. The rest are the perks of being born here.

Lock the gate if you must to keep out the riff-raff, but leave a light on.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Image:

There Are No Do-Overs

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As I lay my head down to sleep I run the day over in my head. Making it to this point amazes me first, then I say a big “thank you” in appreciation for the gift to have had the day.

My history has made me aware how fragile and limited in time a human life can be. We laugh and joke in private groups: Here today, gone tomorrow…I could get hit by a bus…At day’s end I’m more serious.

Without over-analyzing, judgement, fault-finding or obsessing about it, I ask myself a series of random questions (they’re different every night). Then I assess whether I’ve made the day count or did I totally f-k it up and waste it. I do this with kindness and self-love, or else my sleep will be restless.

Last night, the summary of my day went like this:

Did I help someone? Make their load lighter? Make them feel special, appreciated, needed, wanted, loved? Make them laugh? Feed their soul and/or their belly?

Contribute in a positive way to my own or someone else’s personal and professional development?

Be brave and try something new?

Stretch my mind and body?

Stick with people and projects?

Consciously release any poison of hurt, anger, unforgiveness?

Show gratitude for my and my family’s health and good fortune?

Before my mind is free to sleep I accept that this day is over and there’s no going back to redo any of it. I also am painfully aware that today is the youngest I will ever be.

The best I can do each day is confess my transgressions, ask for forgiveness and pledge to do a better job tomorrow, should I get that gift. The good news is that by sticking to this practice my gratitude muscle gets stronger each day; so does my awareness that I must not procrastinate ever.

What I now DO NOT do is mull the negative over and over. That includes yesterday. I’ve spent too much time going around and around the same mountain and all it got me was a sour stomach and missed opportunities to enjoy the day in front of me.

When today ends, it ends. Accept that fact. Make it count.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Pixabay

Until Your Last Breath

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My great aunt was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer in her mid eighties. A normal or expected response to this news might be of resignation and reflection. After all, twenty years ago, living until your mid-eighties could be considered a good run.

She was in fact an elderly woman. She did reflect on her life. A good life, she said. Not without its trials and hard times.

Her father died while she was still in utero. Her mother, blind from untreated diabetes, raised her and several siblings alone. I say “several” because until this day no one is sure who were the blood relatives and who were “the others”. Her mother took in orphaned children and raised them along with her own. To my great-aunt they were all brothers and sisters. This was before bureaucracy and rules. When it was common for immigrants to “adopt” without red tape, forms and lawyers. People took care of the needy when no one watched, without the benefit of welfare or insurance.

She later met and married a wonderful, fun and gregarious man. They raised a family. Built several homes and ran successful “mom and pop” businesses. Her children and grandchildren were her life. Their hurts and challenges took a toll on her psyche but only temporarily, she said. You dig in and do what needs to be done to protect your flock.

Throughout her life she witnessed injustice, persecution, inequality, harassment, discrimination, wars, senseless deaths, natural disasters. She’d also enjoyed the love of a good man, kind and supportive siblings who lived well into their 80s, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and wonderful friends.

She and he husband traveled the globe. They lived a rich and simple life, below their means. Until his death, they were hardly ever apart. Different in demeanor and personality they were like peas and carrots; unique in every way but together, better.

A little cancer scare (she’d had two others in her lifetime) was nothing to sneeze at of course, she said, but nothing to get in the way of her life plan. She relayed to her health care providers that she’d prefer to get on with the surgery and treatment. “I have places to go, things to do, people to see,” she told me the last time I visited her beside. Ever stoic and strong, ever the matriarch, she made sure there was coffee in the pot for visitors and a comfortable chair to relax in and enjoy the visit.

She was a kick-ass role model to anyone who cared to look past her flaws. Hardly Teflon, she’d been born and raised in a tough neighborhood under strained circumstances. She fought for her life all the way and stayed kind and caring to the end. “Fight the good fight until the end,” she said. “God will be happy with what you did with the life He gave you. And how you treated other people.”

Good life lesson.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Your Super Hero Powers

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What if you believed, truly believed, in all of the powers that you possess? (Hint: You HAVE super powers.)

What would you do with that power? What could you do? Ponder that a second.

What if you trusted in your abilities? Physical. Mental. Spiritual. I’m talking absolute complete trust. What could you accomplish? Ponder that one, too.

To believe in your powers and abilities might make you think of a Super Hero.

Well, we humans are Super Heroes.

Look at what you’ve done so far in life. Don’t shrug it off and poo-poo it away. I am a card carrying member of the Poo-Poo Club so I know the drill. I’ve long believed that if I can do whatever it is, it can’t be that hard and everyone can do it, too.

But we know better.

Some things we do are hard or require training or time commitments or natural abilities (I’m never playing for the NBA not matter what my Mama told me!)

Consider this: if it weren’t so damn hard every one would do it. Which is why they DON’T DO IT.

We fragile humans perform incredible feats of physical and mental strength. Olympic athletes, survivors of terrible diseases and accidents, true military warriors, and weekend warriors, too — the climbers, runners, builders, creators — those who push their bodies to the limits and one inch more to achieve a personal goal whether for accolades or mere survival.

Mind stretching is another Super Hero achievement. Think of scientists who research tirelessly for medical cures and astronauts who push the boundaries of their equally brilliant support staff for space exploration. Would YOU strap your fanny to the equivalent of a bomb and thrust off into space? In theory, yes I would. In actuality? I’ll pass. Scary shit. But I hear the view is awesome. #gobeyondyourfear

Software designers and engineers develop complex code which enables us math-phobic end-users to point, click, touch a screen, get answers to any question and purchase practically anything using your smart phone. (“You can buy anything on eBay.” – Jake Gyllenhaal’s character in DEMOLITION on buying a bulldozer.) These whiz geniuses, who probably jury-rigged toasters as toddlers, make our regular world super seamless.

The list of super powers is endless. You might be like me — still searching. It’s okay as long as you keep asking yourself questions and stay curious to find answers and brave to cast your fears and keep searching.

Time catches up with us right? You wonder if you’ll ever find your super powers.

It’s easy to settle and cash in too early in life and not experience the depth of your powers and abilities. Some people know their talents, gifts and abilities early on (see toaster tweakers above).

Not me.

You’ll know your boundaries are being tested when you think and say, “this is the best I can do or accomplish in this lifetime.” It only confirms you are still in the hunt.

I swear to you that under your surface there is greatness you haven’t begun to tap. Talents and abilities beyond your imagination — hoping, praying, pleading for you to manifest it. In this lifetime. At any time in your life. Whether you’re ten or a hundred plus ten.

Today, go deep into your closet or back shelf or wherever you’ve been hiding your cape and dust it off. Try it on. See how well it fits. Run around the house and feel how powerful you are. Just like when you were a kid, before somebody told you “you can’t”.

Believe you possess inside you incredible powers and abilities. ‘Cause you do.

Go be your own Super Hero. You will amaze yourself by how far you can fly if you try. Don’t forget to stick the landing.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Courtesy Pixabay