“The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”
Saint Augustine
As you live each day, you change the world in small ways. But when you travel the world, the world changes you in big ways. Agree?
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Dove chocolates are better IN BED.
I once had the great pleasure to work with a charming and delightful European intern. This beautiful and cultured young lady took pleasure teaching me the finer ways of a well-bred woman while I opened her eyes to fine American fast food cuisine.
Stylishly dressed and infinitely more world traveled than this old gal, she demonstrated self-restraint and ten times more class than the American cohorts in our office. From poise to dress to manners of gestures and speech, it would take me an additional lifetime to be the gum under her Louboutins.
Where I dressed for comfort, in jeans and a t-shirt, I learned that in my friend’s upper level of society, it is considered disrespectful to the family for a woman to be seen in public wearing play clothes. Her maid, she said, dressed better than the average American woman even when she cleaned the toilette.
Americans, I told her, tend to be okay with casual wear. We go to the gym, then to the bank in our sweaty and ripe Spandex and sneakers, then the grocery store in the same and think nothing of it.
It only took us one semester to corrupt her. She was at home visiting for the holidays and had gone to the gym. From there she made a quick stop for coffee, still in her gym clothes, where she ran into a relative. By the time my friend got home her mother had received phone calls wondering if something was wrong. Was her daughter ill? On drugs?
To my own mother’s credit, she suggested I change my underwear daily.
She often threatened to send me to Mrs. Brown’s Finishing School to learn ladylike manners. I maintain Mrs. Brown, if she even existed, would charge too much for my mother to extract measurable value from her investment in polishing my tomboy ways.
In contrast, there was something very sensuous about my European friend’s packaging that I found attractive. Her beautiful scarves were artfully knotted and tied. Fashion shoes and hosiery complemented her blouses, sweaters and skirts. Her outfits pressed and pleated. Every day her twisted hair bun or up-sweep meant she’d taken more time to look presentable that I did for my graduation photo (and it shows).
American women tend to dress in competition with other women, which she said was just silly. European women on the other hand are deeper in their desire to attract a man, and exude great confidence and delight in their ability to twist a handsome suitor into a frenzy. The hell with the other women!
In the world of love and lust, Americans fail there, too. She gave me a pass on this one because I was already married. She’d missed the opportunity to school me on couture fashion but felt she could offer a few insights on the simple art of seduction. She thought it interesting that I really only dated one guy all my life. I stretched my experience to include a handful of high school “dates” and later a few flirtations to appear more well-rounded in love relationships. Which was a joke.
But to my young intern, the extent to which her culture grooms women in the practice of dating, and I’m guessing, sex, is something taught as a rite of passage. In America, we learn social inter-play from reality television, which is anything but real life. Growing up I learned everything there was to know about boys and sex from the pictures in Tiger Beat magazine.
To demonstrate her lesson on love and sensuality, in a context I’d relate to, my cultured friend opened a bag of Dove dark chocolates.
These small delightfully smooth and creamy treasures are wrapped in foil with cutesy messages printed inside. My friend proved that every message in a Dove chocolate could be enhanced by adding the words “IN BED”. She’d tape dozens of these to my computer monitor and over time created a force field of lust that made it hard to concentrate. “Read them every day and then go home to your husband,” she said. I swear she winked at me.
Today without much thought I grabbed a package of Dove dark chocolates at the store and laughed, thinking of my old dear friend. I opened one candy and read the message: “Lend an ear. And a chocolate.” With a black Sharpie pen I wrote, “IN BED”. Then I opened another. “Kiss and Tell” it said. I wrote “IN BED”. And another: “Solve arguments with a dance-off” and I wrote “IN BED”. I opened every one of the Dove candies in the package and wrote “IN BED” after each one and they totally made sense.
So to my adorable, passionate European friend, lover of all things sweet and beautiful, thank you for teaching me so much. I know how to fashion a silk scarf and do not wear Spandex to the coffee shop. Today I remembered you fondly and laughed out loud, IN BED.
#EatPlayDove
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Image: Stephanie DelTorchio
Plan to be a free spirit, in the sense that your life is played all out. No holds barred.
Make your limited time matter. Show the Universe that the collection of cells which formed you into you deserves a pat on the back for its excellent choices.
Squeeze every moment until you physically feel the energy of your spirit oozing through you and out into the world. Be deliberate with your time whether you scale Mt. Everest or window shop. It’s your plan.
In the end, your legacy is as simple as showing the world that you lived this one life exceptionally well. And sometimes a little wild.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Courtesy Greg Rakozy
Happy New Year 2016!
Dear Friends,
Happy New Year!
Today is our youngest day on Earth.
Digest that for a second.
Because it’s true.
The idea behind BE F.A.T. started as a casual conversation that grew into a simple mantra that freaking changed my perspective on life.
Instead of signing off my emails with ‘Have a nice day’, I started writing: B.A.T. (Be Awesome Today). A friend was having a less than stellar day so I added an extra punch: the ‘F’, which got a laugh. In a skinny obsessed society I hope you get the tongue-in-cheek of BeFAT without being offended.
Which almost happened at a convention when a rather large woman got all in my face and pointed to my name tag. “Explain that.” I’d written my name, drew a smiley face and in big letters, #BeFAT. She Bobbleheaded me as I explained the evolution of BeFAT. Satisfied, she smiled. “Well, that’s f-g awesome.”
When I get pissed off (rare these days) or become impatient (uhm, sometimes) or feel lazy (too often!), this little voice in my head says: “Shut Up!” followed by “BE F.A.T.”
Today I sign off emails and end phone calls with #BeFAT and #FYA (Find Your Awesome).
It’s a short, laser pointed kick-in-the-pants reminder to Be Fucking Awesome Today, before the sand in the hourglass runs out. To appreciate the finite time on this planet and LIVE your life.
Let’s face it: Life is a crap shoot. Any day the knock might come on your door, and just like that, the party is over. You’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen it happen. None of us is special enough to escape the inevitable. But we’re all great, wonderful creatures, special enough to grab this short-term existence by the balls and run with it.
No matter your path in this life you will affect somebody’s life. It might not be big or newsworthy, published or screened. You may not get your name etched in stone on a building (except a headstone!) or have a bridge named after you, but your life matters big time to someone. Enough that you should want to squeeze in as much as you can and love as many people as your humanity is capable of. Even if it’s yourself.
Not sure about you my friends, but there’s lots I want to do before I go TITS UP.
BE F.A.T. forced me to list my blessings, for real this time. To try to make TODAY matter, which is especially hard on days when unpleasant things happen. And if we live long enough, shitty things and sucky people and ugly situations always happen.
The silver-lining, and there’s always one, is the ability to choose to shift our thinking. Make the experience, good or bad, count for something.
Agree to practice less pissing and more praising.
I don’t know much, but trust me on this one: If you let it, BE F.A.T. will become an acronym that haunts you every time you want to hurl something, punch somebody, give in or give up. So basically, it’s your daily reminder to go for it!
Screw the little voice in your head, the naysayers, Debbie Downers, self-loathing talks, man/woman-created obstacles, all the junk, and let this be the time you take a chance on YOU.
Let the little voice call to you, my friend. Be Fucking Awesome Today. And every day.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
#FYA (Find Your Awesome)
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
My Italian relatives have a saying, “dolce fa niente” which translates to something like “pleasantly doing nothing”.
It’s a version of what you already know. Seize the moment. Enjoy the journey. Stop and smell the roses. Pick a term that speaks to you.
I vividly remember my grandparents, their siblings and spouses sitting around the dining room table sipping coffee and wine, eating plates of antipasto followed by mounds of the best cookies and pastries.
They talked and laughed for hours and hours, never in a hurry for the coming together to end. In fact, the union of them talking (yelling) over each other, in good spirits, felt like a celebration. And it was.
If you were lucky enough to walk in, you were welcomed and served heartily. My grandmother would drag a folding chair from the kitchen saying, “there’s always room at the table for one more.”
Occasionally their party moved onto the side porch but only to catch the afternoon breeze, which extended the lazy day.
In our age of hurry, hurry, hurry, it’s out of our norm to stop, slow down and soak it all in. The majority of our days blur with the stuff that needs to get done. But is it ever really done/finished to our satisfaction? Reality is that we’ll all die with unfinished business in our To-Do boxes. That should be enough to get us to squeeze in the premiere stuff: family, friends, activities we love, and be truly present for a few precious moments every day.
There’s always work, obligations, appointments, deadlines, laundry to fold…you know the drill. We’ve created this hamster wheel. Our body, mind and soul need to step off for a while.
Doing nothing doesn’t mean sitting in a chair staring into space. Well, I suppose it could mean sitting in a chair staring into space, if you call it meditation or prayer.
Today, on purpose, choose to do nothing. And enjoy it.
(Side note: I understand from a reliable source that staring into space and/or doing nothing is easy for men.)
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Image: Unsplash
Addendum:
Author Veronique Vienne penned two books (on my list to read):
The Art of Doing Nothing: Simple Ways to Make Time for Yourself and The Art of the Moment: Simple Ways to Get the Most from Life.
The word AWESOME gets thrown around a lot.
It’s a subjective word, of course. What I find awesome might bore you to death, and vice-versa. I still love the word because it makes me feel childlike. Not childish. There is a difference.
Childish is acting like a baby or with immature tendencies. Acceptable from a toddler. Draining and boorish when adults behave this way, no? You know the type. Whiners. Complainers. Demanding. Feet stompers.
Being childlike is sort of whimsical; trusting, innocent, fearless. All the endearing qualities of children. I remember watching my six-year-old son’s face as we entered the Magic Kingdom. It lit up. He couldn’t take it all in at the same time. Standing there, frozen, in awe of Main Street, the music, the characters – all of it like a dream.
Adults experience this too. Seeing a natural wonder (Grand Canyon anyone?), a Key West sunset, the streets of Paris at night from the top of the Eiffel Tower — your adult eyes open in wide-eyed childlike wonder. You process this differently than a child but it still leaves your heart fluttering. Is this real? Can I bottle it up?
Trying something new, with or without fear, brings on the giddies, right? I remember my first (and only) white water rafting trip in Acadia National Park. No lying, this gal’s heart raced, and not the good kind! Petrified, panicked, were the emotions bubbling under my surface. Crying for Mommy, under my breath.
Despite all logic to stay away from danger, we paddled hard in the direction of a waterfall. A waterfall! Every survival instinct said “turn the raft around” and paddle like hell in the opposite direction. To calm, safe waters.
Instead we paddled hard and fast towards the fall until our arms ached. At the exact moment we reached the crest of the fall my entire body went all rubbery. Fear. Just over the rim I spotted rafts filled with rafters who’d gone over the fall before us. They seemed so tiny, distant, really far down below. Excuse me, what was the size of this drop again?
“HOLD ON!!” came our guide’s instruction from the rear of the raft.
Hold on? Bet your ass!
We dipped over the crest (I swear my feet flipped over my head) and the raft arced downward, then we were airborne. The bow crashed the churning water and went under, followed by our rafting crew. One by one we bobbed to the surface like ducks; drenched, spitting and choking on icy cold freshwater, unlike ducks. Safe and stable again, we high-fived each other, screaming our brains out, elated, and alive. And like all endearing children, once we realized we’d survived the waterfall drop, collectively yelled: “Let’s do it again!”
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Viktor Jakovlev
Everyone understands that if you live long enough, sooner or later the Universe finds you and serves up a heaping pile of crap. When that happens to other people, we say well-meaning things like “rainbows follow the rain”, because we love our friends and care about them and don’t know what else to say.
We click LIKE and SHARE on those pretty infographic quotes. Guilty. I love these too!
How do you respond when the Universe calls your name?
The people I admire most will smile in the rain. They don’t hope the sunshine follows the rain. They BELIEVE IT.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: R. Shayesrehpour
We label people as “different” or “weird” or “strange” or “an odd duck” when we describe an individual who is far away from our belief of “normal”.
What is normal?
A conformist?
A rule player?
Someone who looks and behaves exactly like us?
Can’t we be good citizens, productive workers and still be different?
I’ve always liked the term “free spirit” (in the positive context) to define individuals who dance to their own drum. This person lives in harmony with themselves, Mother Nature and without treading on other people’s weirdness. Sign me up.
As a teenager I went braless because I was a teenager, and honestly there wasn’t much that needed support. A pink t-shirt I wore printed in gold lettering was a public testament to my personal freedom. (I’ll never forget) it said: The Itty Bitty Titty Committy. Funny then. Cringe-worthy today.
The 70s hippie crowd, my generation, plastered the country with demonstrations of free love, drugs, and to this day, the best rock music ever made by a slew of musicians and artists who dared to be different.
We were anti-this and pro-that in the face of “the man”. 
We thought we were cool.
Hairstyles were long and stringy. Fashion styles ranged from jazzy prints, denim, go-go boots to the beginnings of preppy, non-hippie (men wearing matching pastel sweaters and socks) and the two didn’t meet in the middle. I chose the former; bell-bottoms with thick embroidered bands sewn on the bottom, peasant shirts and halter tops that drove my parents’ generation crazy. We were different. And I didn’t care.
Truthfully I was a fringe partner of my generation. More a middle of the road, closet non-conformist who loved the style than a true card carrying hippie. I did well in school, played by the rules and despite the veil of hippie, honored my parents’ values. I did my own thing for sure, but once the 70s moved into the 80s my perspective on being different shifted. The 80s matured me.
I wore a bra every day. My judgment of others became a live and let live attitude of peace and love. As a homeowner and parent, I had mediocre tolerance and success with heavy metal and big hair, but also silently cheered those who lived by their light. Different is still different and that’s okay with me.
Imaginative and creative people are different than logic driven types. Perceived as aloof or introspective, detached or (yikes) insane, those are the very people “normal” society looks to for innovative advances and artistic expression.
Putting aside the true psychotic personalities out there, the certifiably different, the free spirit types spread their vibe just by being present. The hip and trendy cycle repeats itself with each generation. New styles, music, opinions, fights to fight, causes to defend. Most people evolve and change, perhaps substituting one oddness for another quirk, while others get stuck. There’s plenty of leftover hippies tripping in the 70s man.
Before we label each other, we need to understand it’s our differences that make us unique. I’m cool with that.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Images: Bird in flight/Breano Machado/Unsplash; Hippy Town/Pixaby
You might also like: 7 Struggles of Being a Free-Spirited Woman
Copyright 2012-2016 Stephanie DelTorchio All rights reserved.
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