Forgiveness Archives - Stephanie DelTorchio google4228e52aa5dfebc8.html

Category - Forgiveness

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8 Ways To Shift Circumstances In Your Favor
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GET BACK UP
3
Please Forgive Yourself Today
4
Being Who You Choose To Become
5
Stay with me
6
Second Chances
7
8 Things To Do When Your Day Sucks
8
Get Rooted in You
9
The Good Fight
10
Believe In You

8 Ways To Shift Circumstances In Your Favor

George Bernard Shaw quote/inspirational/motivation/befat.net/Stephanie DelTorchio/9.21.2016

Some things in this life we cannot change. And no amount of wailing or whining helps, regardless of how Oscar-worthy our performance. Blaming our circumstances as the reason we can’t or don’t move forward is an excuse.

“David,” the son of alcoholic parents was tossed around the foster care system with two younger siblings until he ran away for good at sixteen. One foster family changed his name to “Michael” because they had a son by the same name.

Despite David’s troubled childhood he went on to have an honorable life with a wife and family. Sadly, his brother and sister died young from substance abuse. David was able to reconcile with his elderly and ill father in time to mend some wounds before his death.

What separated David from his siblings? Why did he fare better?

In his own words, he “made different choices.” He couldn’t change the circumstances of his upbringing, he said. Water under the bridge. But he sure as hell needn’t let his future be controlled by his past.

Whether he was aware or not, David committed to specific tactics that changed his life. Here are few —

8 Ways to Shift Your Circumstances:

1.Let those people go

People rank high on this list. If they’re messing with you, do your very best to cut them off, wave sayonara, send them light and love and kick them the f*ck out of your life once and for all.

2. Take this job and shove it

Ditto for a job or boss who doesn’t honor your time or talents or plain out makes you miserable. You need employment for many years to pay-to-play in this world. Find something that you’ll happily trade your precious time for a paycheck. And for someone who will value your contributions, and reward you. Or do it yourself.

“Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him.” – Wayne Dwyer 

3. Engage socially

Call on your tribe. Hang out with the right people, those who will support and share your ideas and ideals. Join groups or organizations that feed your mind and soul, if that’s what it takes. Often our circumstances will change based on the company we keep. 

4. Big changes need big action

We know the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. If it’s a big change in your circumstances you want to make, you’ll need to take some big and ballsy actions. Step out of your comfort zone. Stick all your fears in your back pocket and take them along. Be brave.

“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” — Nido Qubein

5. Go back to your childhood

Think back to when you were young. What made you laugh and happy when you were playing? You probably played OUTSIDE even in the rain. For hours and hours. You lost track of time building a “jigger” (go-cart), ice-skating, playing sandlot baseball or domestic bliss with your Easy Bake Oven. Play again. Get lost in the day again. Be childlike not childish.

6. Accept what is truly out of your control

Besides crooked front teeth or tropical storms, there are times when life’s unfortunate circumstances can feel as if darts have been hurled in our direction. We escape as best we can using every resource and tool we possess. Still, even with all our hard core training, awards, college degrees and adult smarts, there are days when life is a slow trudge through the mud. You just do the best you can.

“You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude.”– Eleanor Roosevelt

7. Practice Gratitude

Nothing pushes the woe-is-me off the wall like making a list of blessings in your life. From a roof over your head to a working bladder, giving a shout-out to the Universe for what you DO have is a humbling exercise. It’s not a bad plan to make a short list every day before your feet hit the worn carpet that you’re also grateful for.

8. Get Quiet

Take a walk. Read a book. Meditate. Pray. Whatever works to calm your breathing and put your mind in park. Call it returning to center. Focus. Give it a name if you must as long as the result is a peaceful state of rest.

Back to “David” for a minute.

A tough childhood may have explained his behavioral issues as a teenager or his hardened opinion on what makes a healthy family. But at some point in his life he let the swan sing its song. No lying…he needed to get tough on himself and fight through a lot of hurt and anger. He chose who he wanted to become. The result was, for him, a happy life.

When it comes to coping and/or outwitting the less tragic circumstances, be more strategic. (Note: Of course Big Shit circumstances require more time and more than a few boxes of Band-Aids to fix.)

There’s no magic potion or quick fix being offered here. Old-fashion grit and tenacity, and a willing spirit, can put the odds in your favor to shift your circumstances. Not to just survive but thrive.

Notes from me to you:

What are some of the ways you’ve tried in the past to shift your circumstances?
Please comment below. Your insights and tips will help other people.

BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!

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Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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GET BACK UP

GET BACK UP/positive quote/empowering quote/befat.net/Stephanie DelTorchio/8.25.2016

My tender and fragile EGO had been battered and bruised and hurt. Boo-hoo to me.

I’d tried. And failed. Tripped up. Fallen down.

I stayed on the ground for a while, unable to forgive myself.  You can’t fall any further down when you’re face-planted on a concrete floor — the ultimate safety net.

Here’s the thing: I didn’t want to take up full-time residency there. First of all, the view wasn’t great. And it was cold and damp and lonely in the basement.

It took a while to get to a sitting position. And more than a few collective breaths to stop that sucking for air reflex that comes with a hard angry cry.

It had been a long day, and longer night.

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Please Forgive Yourself Today

Forgive yourself/befat.net/8.9.2016

 

I grew up a nice little girl. Played by the rules. Did my homework. Ate my peas. Came in the house when the street lights came on.

As the years went by, I screwed up. A lot. Nothing jail-worthy mind you. Just enough bad decisions and careless choices that cost me time, money and people. This is called growing up, I guess.

In the aftermath, I could have been a lot nicer to myself. Spent less time beating myself up for what I DIDN’T do more than for what I did.

While I wallowed and self-sabotaged years of my life, opportunities were missed. I suffered many false starts. Double backed on adventures and said, “No, thank you” when I should have said, “Hell, YES!”.

I licked the wounds of my failures, believing of course that I deserved every cut and bruise.

I had years of lost ambition. More of excessive ambition. Under compensating. Over compensating. I ran super hot on ideas and projects and then icy cold. Nothing was ever lukewarm or neutral for me. I was my own worst enemy.

People could kick me, but no one, NO ONE, tossed me down with as much anger and force as I did to myself.

My list of insecurities loomed larger than mere feelings of “unworthiness”.  I believed other people’s truths about me, as told to me. “You suck” remains one of my personal favorites.

Why do we do this?

Because the bad stuff is easier to believe than the good.

Somewhere down deep inside I accepted all the crap as truth. My soul slowly tarnished until it hardened and its light went out.  Such a freaking waste of time and energy. And you can’t ever get it back.

One day, it just happened. Without any forethought or warning.

I gave in.

Gave up on it all.

On my knees. Rung dry. Depleted. Fully wasted of energy and emotion. I was tired of carrying all the weight — the guilt, shame, miscues, failures, lies, burdens, wrong turns, right turns for the wrong reasons — all my history from age ten on to this moment in time, rolled itself into a huge twisted ball of self-hate. I was flat out exhausted from trying to keep everything and everybody afloat.

I did suck. At everything I touched.

Up the pole went my white flag.

It was in my basement. I’d sent the kids off to school and started a load of laundry before heading out to work. The meltdown came like a rush of water. The dog my unintended psychologist.

“What do I do Misty? Tell me. No, I’ll tell you! I’m done with it. Done with all of it. All of this. Okay? Got it? Hear me?”

In that musty basement, sorting whites and darks, I gave myself the greatest gift. I offered a not-so-silent prayer of forgiveness.

“Yes, you’re a fuck up. Yes, you made a mess of things. Yes, you hurt people. Yes, you hurt yourself MORE. Remember this: You did the best you could with what you had and what you knew at the time. Today, we clean house. Set it straight. Today, I forgive you. Understand me? For all of it. Fuck them if they don’t forgive you because this is not about them. This is about your survival. Your future. Your life. And your family’s life — everyone under this roof who matters. Remember he told you that? I hereby forgive you for trying. I forgive you for failing. I forgive you for every word you uttered or wrote in defense. Whatever is holding you by the heels, peel it away. Get free. Start again. Listen to me: I LOVE YOU. Go make a life. And don’t come back to this place again. I swear if you do I’ll find you and kick you into the next lifetime.”

Before the spin cycle finished my attitude and perspective had changed. I knew it would get better from here. This fully granted absolution washed away the dirt and grime and stink of it all.

But my little forgiveness lecture cost me a lot. I had been a silent sufferer. Putting on a strong happy face for so long and then taking this public position, trust me, didn’t win me any fans.

Many people walked the other way.

When I stopped being everybody’s go-to and yes-girl the invitations stopped arriving and the doors slammed in my face. Opportunities shut down. I found out who my real friends were. And they were few.

It hurt. I was sad.

But in front of me was a new beginning.

It looked dark and bleak for a while. A long while, in fact.

But in time new invites arrived. Doors slowly creaked open. And the people and opportunities behind them were much brighter than I could have imagined.

All because I forgave myself and did some house cleaning. Win-win.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Being Who You Choose To Become

be f-g awesome today/befat.net/positive quotes/Carl Jung quote 8.3.2016

We all carry bags of shit.

And the reason we do this is because somewhere, a very long time ago, somebody said something to us. Or did something to us. And it wasn’t very nice.

We got older. We brushed it aside. Put it over there, under that. We justified it. We accepted it as part of our past. We felt safe when we hid it. Or buried it out of sight.

With all our acquired grown-up skills we knew what “they” said or did, in the big scope of the world, didn’t amount to crap. But we continued to carry it anyway. In silence. Alone.

In a twisted way we hold on to the hurt, pain, guilt, burden, secret. Because it’s safe. And it’s our excuse to not do the things we want to do. We don’t say it out loud. We are the protectors and keepers of our past. We hold it very close.

But any of it, all of it, keeps us from becoming the curiosity seeker, the doer, the artist, the inventor, the writer, the teacher, the actress, the engineer, the parent — the real us. The person we desperately know is concealed and preserved under layers and layers of shit.

Here’s the thing: How long do you keep that up? How long to you let some person, event, comment — old negativity — burden your potential?

Make it stop. Now.

Tell the world out loud or quietly to yourself: “You are not the boss of me anymore. Love is my new boss.”

Then go be good to yourself today. Love yourself and become the you that you are meant to be.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Stay with me

Don't quit on people who need you / befat.net / inspirational quote / #befat

Don’t quit on people who matter.

They may need to be loved only in our hearts. A safe distance away. To keep them from messing with our heads and getting on our nerves or under our skin.

We know they are hurting and we know we should be the bigger person.

Close our mouths when we have SO much to say. Unfurl our fists when it seems the way out of frustration is to punch the living shit out of something.

But you are the kinder and saner soul in this relationship. That’s why they irk you and they don’t know it (or maybe they do?). That’s why you pray for them. Send them light and rainbows. And draw the hard lines in order to protect yourself.

You’re not a bad person for keeping them away. It’s how you survive and maintain your sanity and live out the day in front of you.

But you can’t give up completely on the people who matter. Even after they’ve taken you down so many times. You find a way to get back up and tangle with them again and again. Because when all the anger, bitterness and contempt is peeled away, you care. Because that hurting person is part of your story.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Second Chances

Second Chances | befat.net

Maybe you missed it all together.

Or you weren’t in the mood. Not “feeling” it.

Perhaps the timing felt “off”.

Whatever the reason or excuse for not jumping at the chance the first time, sometimes there’s an opportunity for a do-over.

Take the Mulligan.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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8 Things To Do When Your Day Sucks

Things to do when you have a sucky day befat.net

There are those sucky days. And when you get one, it’s best to cut your loses and give in. Until tomorrow…when you’ll go back to being awesome.

P.S. You’re still awesome — just misplaced, like between the seat cushions.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Get Rooted in You

Grow You | positive quote |befat.net

Rich soil, clean water, bright sunshine grows a happy plant.

Self-respect, kindness, forgiveness grows a happy you.

You don’t forget to feed your plants. Don’t forget to feed yourself.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: iClipArt

The Good Fight

Self-love quote graphic/befat.net

So you’ve fought the good fight.

For you the road from there to here wasn’t always easy. Or straight. Or marked with clear understandable signs. Maybe the road you’ve traveled to get to where you stand now, sucked. Big time.

Or the beginning was just okay. Average. No major tragedies, but not the supportive or loving surroundings you craved. You were a kid. No matter what happened then, you weren’t necessarily in charge of that leg of the journey. Bigger smarter adults drove the bus and you were cool going along for the ride because you were a kid — not much leverage, right?

Then you grew up. Joined the big leagues. Made your own choices.

You lived and (figuratively) died by the times you said “YES” when maybe the best answer was “No, thank you.”

“Yes, I’ll have another drink.”

“Yes, I’ll date you/marry you.”

“Yes, I’ll take this job.”

“Yes, I’ll lend you money.”

“Yes, of course I trust you.”

Conversely, what about all the times you said “NOPE” (too quickly) when saying “yes” may have made things…easier? Nicer? Better? Less freaking complicated! Ah, hindsight.

After all the shit we put ourselves through, it’s a wonder that we’re still standing.

Let’s sum up: You made some good choices and…not-so-good ones.

Okay, so you fucked up plenty of times. But utilizing basic survival tactics  — pigheadedness, drive, curiosity, focus, determination, willpower, sacrifice, fear, etc. — you are still here. Pretty cool when you look back, right?

It’s a long slog to get from being a dependent child to a functioning mature adult. And it ain’t always pretty. Take a breath, relax and reflect on how far you’ve come.

Love yourself for fighting the good fight. You’re here now. Carry on. No looking back.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Believe In You

_ Believe in yourself 3.29.2016

I’m not sure who else needs this message today besides me! The past few days, although very busy, hardly have felt productive, in the sense that nothing I’d planned to do got done. Anybody else out there?

Every once in a while I need to press RESET to remember the goal again, feel the desire again and get back in gear, again.

My recent obstacles, all good, have focused on others and not me. Not a bad thing of course, but I know that I know my “thing” inside me needs attention.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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