Spirituality Archives - Page 3 of 3 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Show Non-Judgmental Compassion

They upset us, tick us off, drive us crazy, exhaust us, anger us -– and because we’re grown-ups, we understand that hurting people hurt people. Still, knowing this doesn’t make the pain of personal attacks easier to handle.

Often the people closest to us cause us the most hurt. The pain of any attack throws us into self-judgment and self-blame. What did I do? What did I say?

It’s more than possible that you did absolutely nothing to invite an assault, but became a convenient target, caught in the crosshairs. They needed someone to point the finger at, to place blame, and in their frustration, chose you. If pressed, they might struggle to identify the exact reason they’re so flippin’ angry, at you.

Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of the Four Agreements, says, “nothing others do is because of you.” What other people say and do is not ever about you; it’s about them, drawing you into their own reality.

You might have been the person’s biggest supporter, confidant, caregiver, friend, cheerleader, peacemaker, teacher –- the right person with all good intentions, and doomed to fail. It’s the behavior that hurts our human ego, not the person.

When you can turn away and not take the hurtful and harmful actions of others personally, you protect yourself from needless suffering. Once you’ve shielded yourself, offer a kind, quiet prayer of non-judgment to the person in pain, and move on. Pray that their issues get resolved –that they find peace.

On this day, I choose to not judge any person for where they are standing today. It’s likely they are stuck and panicked, unable to make helpful decisions to save themselves. And also, because I have no clue about the root or continued source of their pain, my opinion or judgment does not serve any higher purpose. I hope someday they will show the same compassion for me.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

BeFAT in 2016

Happy New Year 2016!

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year!

Today is our youngest day on Earth.

Digest that for a second.

Because it’s true.

The idea behind BE F.A.T. started as a casual conversation that grew into a simple mantra that freaking changed my perspective on life.

Instead of signing off my emails with ‘Have a nice day’, I started writing: B.A.T. (Be Awesome Today). A friend was having a less than stellar day so I added an extra punch: the ‘F’, which got a laugh. In a skinny obsessed society I hope you get the tongue-in-cheek of BeFAT without being offended.

Which almost happened at a convention when a rather large woman got all in my face and pointed to my name tag. “Explain that.” I’d written my name, drew a smiley face and in big letters, #BeFAT. She Bobbleheaded me as I explained the evolution of BeFAT. Satisfied, she smiled. “Well, that’s f-g awesome.”

When I get pissed off (rare these days) or become impatient (uhm, sometimes) or feel lazy (too often!), this little voice in my head says: “Shut Up!” followed by “BE F.A.T.”

Today I sign off emails and end phone calls with #BeFAT and #FYA (Find Your Awesome).

It’s a short, laser pointed kick-in-the-pants reminder to Be Fucking Awesome Today, before the sand in the hourglass runs out. To appreciate the finite time on this planet and LIVE your life.

Let’s face it: Life is a crap shoot. Any day the knock might come on your door, and just like that, the party is over. You’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen it happen. None of us is special enough to escape the inevitable. But we’re all great, wonderful creatures, special enough to grab this short-term existence by the balls and run with it.

No matter your path in this life you will affect somebody’s life. It might not be big or newsworthy, published or screened. You may not get your name etched in stone on a building (except a headstone!) or have a bridge named after you, but your life matters big time to someone. Enough that you should want to squeeze in as much as you can and love as many people as your humanity is capable of. Even if it’s yourself.

Not sure about you my friends, but there’s lots I want to do before I go TITS UP.

BE F.A.T. forced me to list my blessings, for real this time. To try to make TODAY matter, which is especially hard on days when unpleasant things happen. And if we live long enough, shitty things and sucky people and ugly situations always happen.

The silver-lining, and there’s always one, is the ability to choose to shift our thinking. Make the experience, good or bad, count for something.

Agree to practice less pissing and more praising.

I don’t know much, but trust me on this one: If you let it, BE F.A.T. will become an acronym that haunts you every time you want to hurl something, punch somebody, give in or give up. So basically, it’s your daily reminder to go for it!

Screw the little voice in your head, the naysayers, Debbie Downers, self-loathing talks, man/woman-created obstacles, all the junk, and let this be the time you take a chance on YOU.

Let the little voice call to you, my friend. Be Fucking Awesome Today. And every day.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

#FYA (Find Your Awesome)
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Smile.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Being grateful for the gift of another day should not only be a given, but should be greeted triumphantly, with joy, and a smile.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Pixabay

Take Small Steps

Don’t make light of the small achievements on your way to the bigger goal.

Lost 2 lbs. on your new diet, three consistent days at the gym (previous record was 2!) or dedicated time each day to work on your craft/project; little milestones represent the pat on the back you need.

Your small victories may be more of the mental or spiritual realm. Spend time in prayer, in meditation. Be good to yourself; don’t beat yourself up for not measuring up.

A fall backwards, a slip? No problem. Dust it off. Start again.

You only need to be accountable and honest to yourself. Little by little. Bit by bit. Step by step. Inch by inch. That’s how the little molehill becomes a mountain.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original quote and graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

A Star Is Reborn

Here’s hoping you COLLAPSE and CRUMBLE. In a good way, of course!

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Spread Joy

Not to sound all mushy but it’s easy to find Joy, especially this time of the year. And God knows this planet needs Joy.

Last night, despite chilly temps, community members gathered for a small tree lighting ceremony to honor and remember cancer patients. Signs of Joy were everywhere.

Joy…
in the testimony and support from patients and families for the unwavering kindness and love provided by a caring, professional oncology staff.

Joy…
in the aspiring voices of the middle school chorus, directed by a student conductor.

Joy…
in the faces of children when Santa appeared — skinny, jolly, ringing bells; just as wonderful and magical as the rotund mall version without long lines or admission fee to say ‘hello’.

Joy…
in the eyes of a sweet friend as she shared news of the heaven-sent companion she married, two years after losing her former partner to cancer.

Joy…
in the warm hugs of a mother while announcing her son is cancer-free.

Joy…
on the satisfied face of a beloved oncology nurse and clinical researcher on her decision to retire at the end of the year.

Joy…
in hearing the name of the person who bought a raffle ticket ahead of me win the door prize.

Joy,
the painted sign on my shed door. Placed there on purpose this holiday to be the first reminder every morning to live in Joy and do my very best to spread it.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image/Painted Sign: Stephanie DelTorchio

Thank You, Good Morning

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Unsplash

Be the Helper

Lip service. We’ve all gotten it. It’s when someone tells us the thing we want to hear and never follows through by actually doing the thing they promised. “Sure I’ll help you move on Saturday.” And then they don’t show up.

Maybe their intentions were honorable and something unforeseeable happened. Tough to believe this, but perh

aps their words were meant to appease us, to shut us up for the moment and shoo us away. In either case we’re disappointed because a couch is really hard to carry up three flights of winding stairs!

In the real world, I call this “The Little Shit”; annoyances and aggravations, the stuff that momentarily pisses us off but we’ll get over. Then there’s what I call “The Big Shit”. Trust me on this one, you’ll know the difference.

When life throws a major curve-ball that hits us like a sucker punch to the soul. Everything we know is turned upside down and our life is thrown into a flux. We’re shocked, paralyzed and suddenly alone, living in a bad B movie. We’ve not prepared for this. Who does?

You’d choose to carry 10,000 smelly couches up three flights of winding stairs if doing so would make the big shit go away.

This is when lip service is harmful.

We must choose to seek out comrades for their wisdom and knowledge and guidance. And accept help.

Whether professionals, friends or complete strangers, we need to hear from The Helpers. They’ve crawled around in the trenches, walked the walk and will show us their battle scars, only to prove by standing in your presence, they’ve survived and so will you.

Call them The Helpers, Angels, God-sends, Blessings, Companions, or Supporters. They will show us the way, the path to healing, from experience. No lip service.

They can’t do the hard work for us. But they will be the solid foundation, the resource we go to over and over.

Whether the eventual outcome is what we hope and pray for, or not, is anybody’s guess. But along the way we’ll have learned some valuable lessons on compassion, love, strength, courage, humility and survival.

And then it’s our turn to be present, hold a hand, bring resources; grab the other end of the smelly couch. No lip service. Be the helper.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Volkan Olmez/Unsplash

Dare To Be Different

We label people as “different” or “weird” or “strange” or “an odd duck” when we describe an individual who is far away from our belief of “normal”.

What is normal?

A conformist?

A rule player?

Someone who looks and behaves exactly like us?

Can’t we be good citizens, productive workers and still be different?

I’ve always liked the term “free spirit” (in the positive context) to define individuals who dance to their own drum. This person lives in harmony with themselves, Mother Nature and without treading on other people’s weirdness. Sign me up.

As a teenager I went braless because I was a teenager, and honestly there wasn’t much that needed support. A pink t-shirt I wore printed in gold lettering was a public testament to my personal freedom. (I’ll never forget) it said: The Itty Bitty Titty Committy. Funny then. Cringe-worthy today.

The 70s hippie crowd, my generation, plastered the country with demonstrations of free love, drugs, and to this day, the best rock music ever made by a slew of musicians and artists who dared to be different.

We were anti-this and pro-that in the face of “the man”. We thought we were cool.

Hairstyles were long and stringy. Fashion styles ranged from jazzy prints, denim, go-go boots to the beginnings of preppy, non-hippie (men wearing matching pastel sweaters and socks) and the two didn’t meet in the middle. I chose the former; bell-bottoms with thick embroidered bands sewn on the bottom, peasant shirts and halter tops that drove my parents’ generation crazy. We were different. And I didn’t care.

Truthfully I was a fringe partner of my generation. More a middle of the road, closet non-conformist who loved the style than a true card carrying hippie. I did well in school, played by the rules and despite the veil of hippie, honored my parents’ values. I did my own thing for sure, but once the 70s moved into the 80s my perspective on being different shifted. The 80s matured me.

I wore a bra every day. My judgment of others became a live and let live attitude of peace and love. As a homeowner and parent, I had mediocre tolerance and success with heavy metal and big hair, but also silently cheered those who lived by their light. Different is still different and that’s okay with me.

Imaginative and creative people are different than logic driven types. Perceived as aloof or introspective, detached or (yikes) insane, those are the very people “normal” society looks to for innovative advances and artistic expression.

Putting aside the true psychotic personalities out there, the certifiably different, the free spirit types spread their vibe just by being present. The hip and trendy cycle repeats itself with each generation. New styles, music, opinions, fights to fight, causes to defend. Most people evolve and change, perhaps substituting one oddness for another quirk, while others get stuck. There’s plenty of leftover hippies tripping in the 70s man.

Before we label each other, we need to understand it’s our differences that make us unique. I’m cool with that.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Images: Bird in flight/Breano Machado/Unsplash; Hippy Town/Pixaby

You might also like: 7 Struggles of Being a Free-Spirited Woman

A New Day

By it’s very definition, Zen is a total state of focus

Zen incorporates the togetherness of body and mind. Maybe a little “out there” for some people, but I challenge you to look at a beautiful sunrise or sunset and not feel your body and mind come together.

The moment this photo was snapped I felt that whatever (bad stuff) had happened the day or week or month or year(s) before wash away.

With the new tide, the beach is reborn and gets another chance to be a beach.

A new possibility.

New feet will sink in it’s sand, new birds will scurry at the shoreline, new children will collect the shells that gather. Can you tell the beach is my happy place?

“It’s a new dawn. It’s a new day. It’s a new life, for me…and I’m feeling good.”

This is my anthem for today.

Anthony Newley and Leslie Briscusse wrote the song lyrics to the song It’s A New Dawn for the musical The Roar of the Greasepaint – The Smell of the Crowd.

Nina Simone recorded the song for her 1965 album I Put a Spell on You and it became a standard. It’s been recorded by many artists. Listen to her version. My apologies to Michael Bublé @MichaelBublé, my favorite contemporary version.

Please forward this graphic to your friends who need a prayer, a note of encouragement, a nudge or a KICK IN THE PANTS today.

It’s a new dawn, my friends. And I’m feeling good.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Photo and Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio