Love Archives - Page 5 of 5 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Be The Best Thing To Someone Today

Without you being aware of it, you could become the person who changes someone’s life today for the better. In fact you most certainly may be the best thing that happens to someone today. That’s how powerful you are as a human being.

It might go undetected by you, but the person you grace with your presence (intentionally or not) will be forever changed. And grateful that you showed up in their life today.

***

I sat in a tiny waiting area. Tense. Afraid. Sick to my stomach. Again.

In this one there were six chairs, two side tables topped with a variety of magazines all battered and torn. A coffee table centered between the chairs held a gratuitous plastic flower arrangement. Why bother? Someone had tried to cheery up the room with honey-colored walls and unremarkable framed prints of forests and wheat fields. I hated this place just like I hated the place before it.

Across from me sat a little old man, maybe in his 80s, the only other person in the room. Where I hadn’t acknowledged him at all, he offered a kind and friendly smile.

I dug out my nearly-filled notebook and scribbled in today’s entry: date, location, doctor, procedure. Keeping notes was my sanity, a way to control the uncontrollable. It gave me a sense of purpose; that I was doing something to help, to be productive, to keep a handle on the only thing I could manage. Notes. Names. Medications. Lab reports. Specialists. Surgeries. Chemo schedule.

I wrote with desperate intensity; fast, in a panic, worried I’d forget something, one tiny detail that once having escaped my brain could never be retrieved. And that detail would end up being the important clue and I’d beat myself up again for not having recorded it.

This was my purpose as a caregiver. A meticulous keeper of notes.

What started as a “just the facts m’am” reference grew into a filled journal of raw emotion. Writing became the only trusted reliable friend on the dark days.

Feeling angry and pissed, I had no trouble telling off everyone and anyone on paper, including God Almighty. Sometimes I punched people in the face. On paper.

Writing kept my sanity especially on days when I felt the entire world around me had gone insane.

This was one of those days.

I pressed the pen so hard my fingers trembled until the point tore through the page. That’s when the old man laid his hand on my knee making me flinch.

He smiled without showing any teeth and, with a surprisingly firm grip, took both of my hands in his. “How long have you had cancer?” he asked me.

I shook my head. “It’s my husband.” He nodded as if he only saw my lips move but didn’t hear my words. “My husband.”

“Yes,” he said. “How long have you had cancer?”

I repeated “my husband” again but louder, in slow motion, so he could read my lips.

He massaged my hands a moment.

“My wife,” he said, his eyes looking to the door, “she’s in there too.” He turned back to me and smiled. A full set of rather nice old man teeth. “We’ve been married sixty-two years. This is the second time we have had cancer.” Emphasis on the word “we”.

His eyes, mocha colored like my Dad’s, softened. He went on to tell me that he is present for every appointment, blood draw, chemo and radiation treatment. Holds her hair back when she throws up then wipes her face. Spoon feeds her when she can’t do it herself. Wraps his arms around her when she is too tired to cry or weak to walk. “We” meant they are so close and bonded, what happens to one is felt by the other.

He palmed my cheek, still smiling. “How long have you had cancer?”

“Two years.”

We talked a short while before he retreated back to his chair and worn out Yachting magazine to wait for his wife.

I thanked him when he and his equally sweet wife left, then returned to write in “our” notebook with a more peaceful stroke.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image credit: Unsplash

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Eat The Cookies

This blue can of Danish butter cookies was a reliable staple in my grandmother’s cupboard. She’d offer these sweet treats with Lipton tea, served in a china tea cup and saucer, because mugs were for hot coffee served to men in diners. She took her training us to be ladies and gentlemen very seriously.

I bought the exact same brand the other day and enjoyed a tea party with my four-year-old grandson. We peeled the tape that sealed the lid and spent a good length of time inspecting the variety of butter cookies. Two layers of cookies, separated by a sheet of paper; each layer with individual paper sleeves, three cookies in each. My grandmother allowed us three cookies and I followed tradition.

After we each ate three, he decided it would be okay if had just one more. His mother was at work, so I agreed. I didn’t worry about spoiling dinner, caloric intake or grams of sugar. We talked about making cookies, decorating cookies, what little kids had made these cookies — hopefully none I said.

He returned the tin to the cabinet and asked that instead of dinner, if we could have a tea party. An excellent idea.

“What do we do when they’re all gone?” I asked.

“Go to the store and get some more.”

Why didn’t I think of that?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Holding Hands

In my former neighborhood, a petite elderly couple, guessing in their early 80s, shuffled up and down the street every day, holding hands.

A stylish, elegant pair, the man always wore a black felt beret and thin dark jacket. The woman dressed appropriate for the weather; a dress or skirt most days, then slacks when it cooled. They both wore white sneakers, laced not Velcroed.

They seemed glued to each other’s conversation, content in their own world, acknowledging no one passing by.

One Spring morning the woman stopped to admire a neighbor’s lilac trees in full bloom. She inhaled a sweet cluster and invited the man to do the same; he obliged and they shared a lovely moment. Then he snapped a few branches and delicately tucked them into her palm.

I imagined their long history. How had this precise, choreographed daily slow dance come to waltz into the neighborhood?

Perhaps they experienced young love, world travel, multiple wars, births of children, deaths of parents and friends, meaningful (or not) professions, communion with nature…all of it.

My last sighting of them was in early March nearly twelve years ago when I moved from the neighborhood. The woman dressed in a heavy coat, scarf wrapped around her head and twisted stylishly at the collar. His hand covered hers; he paused to take her elbow to ease her struggle onto the curb. There was a noticeable slow down to their dance, but they danced.

I wondered how many times over the course of their life, the simple act of holding hands had comforted or celebrated each of them.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Awesome LOVE

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Authentic versus Real Pumpkin Pie

My daughter was eight when we set out to make two authentic pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving dinner. Pumpkin pie from real pumpkins, not cans of pumpkin.

During the day-long event, I led the cheer: “Pumpkin pie doesn’t come from a can…,” and she’d chant back: “Pumpkin pie comes from pumpkins!!”

We danced off to the market to purchase small sugar pumpkins for our authentic pies. She inspected each one to find four pumpkins identical in size and as pure orange as a Crayola crayon. This took an hour.

At home we gathered all the utensils and ingredients for the filling and crust. We even tied on matching aprons.

I cut and she peeled the pumpkins. We scooped innards and saved the seeds for roasting later.

While the pumpkins boiled we ate lunch and mocked “real” pies made from cans. Ours would be the most delicious pies the family ever tasted. “Authentic” was the new word of the day.

We made a snack waiting for the pumpkin to drain and cool. She got crackers and I reached into the pantry for the peanut butter. Sitting right there, mocking me, three cans of perfectly pureed ready-to-use pumpkin.

The crust, made from scratch, was a fail-proof recipe given to me by my aunt. My daughter measured and mixed, incorporating little pieces of butter and shortening with her hands. The dough that should have resembled small beans looked more like Little Miss Muffet’s curds and whey. I made a second batch while my daughter looked for a Disney movie to watch.

The new dough rested as we ate lunch in silence, staring out of the window. “Pumpkin pie doesn’t come from a can…,” I said, and she answered: “I know. Pumpkin pie comes from pumpkins.”

Making the filling became a math lesson. This skill surpassed the fine motor challenge to keep the filling in the bowl using a wire whisk. At this point any parent can appreciate the triple time it takes to do anything when you add in an extra pair of small hands. I sensed losing her to Aladdin.

We rolled the crust nice and thin fitting it in the pan, crimping the edges. Together we poured the filling then placed the pies in the oven until perfectly set.

“Pumpkin pie doesn’t come from a can…,” I chirped and she droned back: “Yeah, pumpkin pie comes from pumpkins. I said I know.”

I choked down two aspirins with a cup of coffee while she watched The Lion King for the twentieth time. It was early evening when the suckers came out of the oven. I pulled my daughter away from the TV to admire our joint achievement.

Her ho-hum demeanor changed on Thanksgiving Day when she got to tell everyone how she made authentic pies from real pumpkins. Such pride. By the way, they were delicious.

The next year, and every year since, I open three cans of pumpkin puree to make real pumpkin pies. It’s a running gag now. “Pumpkin pie doesn’t come from a can…,” I say and she chants back: “Pumpkin pie comes from pumpkins!! In cans.”

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Awesome MEMORY

Photo: Stephanie DelTorchio (from my actual pantry)
Image credit: Pixaby

16 Random and Not So Random Acts of Kindness

World Kindness Day

In honor of World Kindness Day…

It’s easy to find an opportunity to show the world a little kindness. And it doesn’t take much to make someone’s day brighter or special or meaningful. Most of these ideas won’t cost a dime and the payoff may be priceless.

In celebration of World Kindness Day, here are a few suggestions:

A smile. It’s been scientifically proven in face-to-face interactions, people reciprocate their conversation partners’ genuine and polite smiles with matching smiles.
A handshake. Use hand sanitizers before your touch your face, but before that, offer a handshake to the doorman, train conductor, trash collector, school crossing guard, etc.
Letting someone in line. At the check-out line, coffee shop, deli, post office, etc. Step aside and offer to let the person behind you go ahead.
Paying it forward – those random acts of buying coffee for the person behind you in line. Find a place today to do this.
Give up your seat. On the train or bus for an elderly person, a pregnant woman or someone who looks like they need to take a load off their feet.

Read to someone. An elderly person, a child, your significant other (maybe a love poem, the back of a cereal box!). Or read the sign that says 12 Items or Less and Be Kind; take your 15 items to another check-out.
Call your Mother or Father or Spouse or Child and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Laugh with them when the laugh at you, especially your kids, for “being weird”.
Leave notes around the office. Or slip a kind message across or under the table. A kind word to a co-worker today lessens the stress of whatever crap is going down in the meeting.
Hand out chocolates. Who doesn’t love that! Dove Hearts are nice. They come with sweet messages that make more sense than fortune cookies.
Leave a positive review. Pick your favorite local shop or restaurant and write something nice. A great meal. Great customer service. The window display.
Purchase whatever the local kids are selling to raise money for their trip, etc. If you are nixing the sweets or carbs or don’t need another calendar, buy it anyway and pass it on.
Offer to walk someone’s dog. You’ll get the exercise, give someone an extra hour of time and make a new friend.
Be kind to yourself. For one day treat yourself like you would if you got to spend a day with favorite music or movie star.
Say Hello, Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening. To every person you meet. Greet people in their native language, if possible.
Put the toilet seat down, or put the toilet seat up. You’ll know.
Be kind to the planet. Recycle or Upcycle something.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Awesome KINDNESS

Image source: iClipart; Original design by Stephanie DelTorchio
Smile source

10 Things Never To Do Again

“Happiness is not a goal; it’s the by-product of a life well lived.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

time suckers 10 things to never do again I got to thinking about the things I really enjoy doing and why I don’t do them more often. For me these things revolve around relationships, travel, food (and yes that includes wine), and writing.

What do you enjoy? Do you find yourself skipping over the fun stuff because there’s just “not enough time”?

Unless you plan or schedule time to do those fun and interesting things, it’s easy to become a proverbial hamster on the wheel. The 24 hour cycle of daily life and minutia: work, cook, clean, meetings, appointments, kids, volunteer, etc. All those tasks fill up most of your days (and nights) and keep you in motion, but lead to a place called Not-Much-Fun-For-Me-Land.

A few years back I took a hard look at how I’d spent the previous few months. I made two lists:

#1 Time Suckers; all the ways I filled my days, and

#2 Things I Never Want to Do Again.

I learned that I’d wasted a lot of time, and pleasurable things happened much less than I realized.

to do list filled

Time Suckers:

Work
People
Volunteer/Committees/Appointments
Errands
Household tasks (cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc.)
Standing/Waiting in line (for something/somebody)
Shopping
Watching television
Mindless reading
Mindless computer/internet surfing/playing
And a few other G-rated time suckers I’m embarrassed to list.

Someday…when the Prince of my dreams…

I’m ordinary, not royalty, so until I marry a Prince and inherit his kingdom, this is my life. Some items are necessary of course. And most of those Time Suckers actually bring me joy. But I knew that with a conscious shift in scheduling, the fat could be cut to make more time for the good stuff.

The Time Sucker list was the easy part. Just by lowering my self-imposed housecleaning standards, a fair amount of time opened up. My new motto: There is an acceptable amount of dog hair I can live with.

.Ruthlessly eliminate or reduce Time Suckers in your life. #BeFAT

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Just like any fat cutting diet, you will have withdrawal symptoms. I needed to agree with myself that getting rid of Time Suckers made me leaner, i.e. to do the things that really matter.

I hacked away at the list by consolidating tasks and shutting off the television. Then something big happened. I shifted from seeing my life as a fixed list of time sucking To Dos to the creation of a mini-manifesto:

10 Things I Never Want To Do Again

1. Work for someone on the 9 to 5 clock.

There are plenty of employment opportunities that don’t require a gatekeeper or time clock.

2. Work with people who don’t have a passion for the work we share.

Together we can move mountains, or furniture!

3. Work only for the money.

Money brings financial security but I’ve met plenty of miserable wealthy people.

4. Miss an opportunity to be with my family or friends.

A recital, ballgame or a dear friend just passing through town can never be bought back.

5. Excuse an opportunity to help someone.

There’s always someone worse off. We’re on this planet to help each other.

6. Miss the chance to travel.

The view is only so wide from my front porch.

7. Associate with crazy people.

This includes the mean-spirited, egocentric, selfish, angry, gossiping, vengeful, spiteful, unkind, or paranoid. For the record, I’ve been all of them and don’t ever want to be one again.

“I don’t do crazy any more.” #BeFAT

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8. Wait in line or for an appointment longer than required for the intended purpose.

Or make someone wait for me. Unless I got a flat tire on the way, it’s rude, arrogant and thoughtless to be late.

9. Be afraid to try something new.

And do it anyway. Not on a dare, but because I know it might be fun or provide real growth.

10. Take my mental or physical health for granted.

Be mindful that both need constant care and attention.

Writing this kind of list requires you to be a bit selfish, but, it’s your life, right?

Start simple

Listing 10 things you never want to do again is fairly easy. Putting your 10 things into practice is hard. Not everyone is going to be a fan of your list. And because you say “never want to do” doesn’t mean you never will. Let’s call this a lifetime achievement goal in the making.

I’m a big believer in starting small by doing ONE THING. Take a first step without becoming overwhelmed with an exhaustive list. Start with one thing you never want to do again in order to give you back some time to do something that truly makes you happy and adds quality to your life.

Write it down. Stick it on the fridge.

I never want to (THIS ONE THING) again in order to (THIS ONE THING) more often.

In the end, we are all looking to live a happy life, right? Make your lists. Please share at least ONE THING to encourage others to do the same.

Eliminate your Time Suckers to gain the time to do one thing that makes you happy.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Awesome Life
Awesome Choice

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio