Gratitude Archives - Page 5 of 5 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Start Over

When yesterday sucked, but the good Lord saw to it that you should open your eyes today, rejoice! You get today to start over.

There wasn’t a thing I could do to change my husband’s cancer diagnosis. It-is-what-it-is, as they say. That day was, and still is, the absolute worst, most sucky day of my life. It felt as if life became a silent movie; there was action and words but we just sort of numbly watched the scenes play out, without popcorn or comfortable seating.

The next day reality hit. Bleary-eyed but resolute, we took a collective deep breath and agreed that this day was a good day to start over. Since there was no getting around this “thing” we really had no choice but to go through it. Together. (If there were other choices I sure didn’t know about them.)

Today is a good day to START OVER. #BeFAT

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The “rules” had changed, of course. Everything felt upside down and twisted inside out, Bizarro World. Life would never be the same, at least not in the foreseeable future. That was yesterday we said. Not so great. But today?

Can I tell you how freakin’ grateful we were to wake up with a shared, determined purpose? (Trust me, we don’t always agree on stuff!)

We tapped our coffee cups and began a toast that has continued for the past seventeen years: “To us, and no more tumors.” Today we ask for blessings for others who need some love and hope, forever grateful for each and every day we get to start again, and pray they do too.

“Life isn’t fair,” we say.

“Shit happens.”

“You need to go through the rain to enjoy the rainbows.”

Etc.

We know all the lines. Heck, we’ve got posters and screen savers and bumper stickers to support the cause. But sometimes a simple ritual, like having coffee in the morning, is a good enough place to start over.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image: This crazy couple having an Eat, Pray, Love moment, and a delizioso cappuccino, in Italy.

A Good Day Prayer

Today, I pray you have a very good day.

May you be safe and sheltered from all harm —
your body be strong and energetic and healthy,
your mind sharp and open and accepting,
your spirit free and evolving and kind-hearted.

May you find the peace you seek —
the joy you yearn for,
the contentment you desire,
and the love you deserve.

May you spend quality time alone to think —
to pray for guidance and direction,
to ask for help and forgiveness,
to accept the limitations of others, and yourself.

May you notice beauty everywhere —
in the morning mirror as you rise,
in the afternoon light as you go,
in the evening shadows as you rest.

May you appreciate all your special gifts and talents —
the ones I see in you, lying in anticipation,
wanting you to create them, imagine them, bring them alive
and, please, generously share it all with the world.

Today I pray that you may understand your time here is precious and short —
That you truly enjoy this moment, and all the moments.
Be amazed by life’s wonderful unexplainable craziness,
and blown away by its constant bizarre twists and turns.

I pray you keep your chin up when things get tough.

I pray you keep your sense of humor when nothing’s funny.

I pray you strive for compassion when you’d rather punch somebody.

Most of all I pray you realize that people you don’t know love you, care about you and respect you.

Today, I pray you have a very good day. A most awesome day.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Watch It All For Free

befat.net

My grandmother preached the age-old adage that the best things in life are free. Whenever there was a Full Moon or painted sky she’d call on the phone and beg us to look out the window or go outside to catch the beauty before it disappeared.

Because of her I also learned to appreciate blue hydrangeas in full bloom, the Big, and Little Dipper on a crystal clear night and summer rainbows…

I happily carry on this tradition, often to the annoyance of my family and friends, especially when I instantly text pictures of sun rises, on weekends.

This is the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean today.

Barefoot on the cool deck, from the pre-sun rise until its final ascent above the horizon, I sipped hot coffee and welcomed the morning dew that tickled my toes. The scent of salt filled the air and landed deliciously on my lips. Sea birds danced on the sand to the rhythm of the waves unfazed by the changing sky or my presence.

My camera phone captured a fraction of the sky’s grand display — no justice to the pinks, purples, oranges and reds, and its reflected strokes of color on the water.

The picture is a tiny bit of the whole moment. When we are present in the moment all of our senses come together for a truly magical experience. All for free.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image: Stephanie DelTorchio

The Moment Is Now

We can call it fate, chance, luck or coincidence, but something bigger than us created our loveliness with a purpose in mind. There is no question that each of us has been cast as a player in grandest show. Do we play a bit part or a major role? Good question.

Our life is a continuous reel where moments turn into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to years, and years that create a lifetime.

Some moments we wish would move quicker than they do. “Is this sadist done cleaning my teeth?” Other moments, like our growing-up-too-fast children, we wish to slow down and enjoy. And at the beside of a dying loved one we beg and pray for just one more precious moment to say good-bye.

Or the stolen moments we crave with our lovers (ooh…Amore mio).

If only out of regard for those you love, be aware of the ticking clock but do not fear it.

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you were created” is a Biblical quote (Esther 4:14) that I use here in a more modern interpretation.

If you fail to speak up, take advantage of opportunities and lucky breaks, use your abilities to improve your position, do whatever your “thing” is, the moment intended for you will pass by like “magic in the moonlight”*.

If through any of your senses you receive a small nugget of something that speaks to you, do something. Take risks. Be present to embrace it whether it whispers or knocks you over. Be opportunistic –- the good kind, please.

“Today is the tomorrow you planned yesterday.”

Here’s the truth: We don’t know anything. This life is a total crapshoot. One day we’re skipping and dancing, fat with time on our hands and more to spare. And just like that, poof, it’s gone.

Our contract with the Universe is to wake up each day and do our very best to survive to the next day. And if we keep our chins up and our eyes open we just might hear the tapping on our window — the moment that is meant for nobody but us.

And will there be others if you miss the moment? I hope so. But there is no looking back in time for the ones that got away.

It’s up to you to make your time work. Stay alert and curious about your surroundings. Always be aware that a bigger role will present itself to you at any moment.

The question is: Will the moment seize you, or will you seize the moment?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

*”Is there enough magic in the moonlight?” quote from the movie, Field of Dreams.

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Pixabay

I Woke Up Today. Did You?

I woke up. Thank you for an awesome way to start the day.

The sun streamed in the window and practically blinded me. Thank you for my sight.

The salty ocean air reminded me how much I love salted caramels. Thank you for my sense of smell (and taste).

The chill from the toilet seat is a rude way to start the morning. Thank you for my sense of touch.

The damn alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. because I forgot to reset it. Thank you for my sense of hearing.

The coffee was cold by the time I got to drink it. Thank you for my sense of taste.

When these blessings are counted, how can we not drop to our knees, give thanks and be grateful for this day?

Make it a f-g awesome one, okay you guys? Tomorrow we might not be so lucky to have any senses at all. Now if I can only remember where the hell I put my reading glasses.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

You Are Where You Are Meant To Be

It may not feel like it, but you are in the right place; exactly where you are meant to be right now. This is hard to digest when you feel like Dorothy, sucked up in a swirling cyclone, begging to be spit out, praying to land in some magical place. Anyplace other than where you are at the moment will be a change, you’re sure of it, but for better, for worse, who knows.

The problem may be that we think too much about what we can’t see. We’re unsure what we really want or where we should go. We’re sure it isn’t this and it isn’t here and whatever crap and bad circumstances are happening in our life at the moment. People. Jobs. Health. Finances. Obligations. Strife comes in many flavors.

Or maybe it’s simple; just an itch you have. A deep seated feeling that you have more to offer the world. That you are meant for more than what your daily life is right now. We feel something better is out there, waiting for us to get there. It’s around the corner or on the other side of the fence.

Our feelings tell us that if only we could go that way. In another direction. With that person. To do that thing.

But something or someone (or you) holds you by the heels, competing against your struggle for independence and individuality. You’re lost in your own space. To admit this may mean you must disregard obligations or turn away from people. And as loving creatures, to admit wanting to put ourselves forward flies in the face of doing the right thing, no matter how much it hurts.

Many days I wander around my own house feeling lost, wishing there was a ‘You Are Here’ map between the kitchen and the living room.

I believe we are in the right place all the time. Hindsight is the only indicator of this truth, which does our psyche no good while we’re in the wilderness of our own heads. Ah, yes, so that’s why all this shit happened; I didn’t get that promotion or the house sale fell through, etc.

Trust the universe, my friends, that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Look for the ‘You Are Here’ signs.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Colton Brown

Be Sexy in the Mirror

We joke about bad hair days, fat days and sagging skin. No matter our age, despite how informed we are about touch-up, Photoshop and air-brushing, we still compare ourselves to what we see in magazines. Can we stop this, please?

We’re intelligent and smart enough to at least judge ourselves with people who graduated in the same decade as us. “She’s a few years younger, but looks great for someone voted Most Likely To Grow Saddlebags,” we say, and then check the mirror to compare hairlines and underarm flaps. Yeah, let’s stop doing that, too.

Face it, by the time our 40s come around, it’s best to make peace with Mother Nature. Graying hair, wrinkles and boob slump? Signs you’ve weathered the storm and arrived to the other side. And the soft belly that refuses to budge no matter how many Zumba classes we take or miracle green shakes we choke down? Not much defense against binge watching Making A Murderer or downing a sleeve of Oreos (with the green shake).

To combat the aging process, we’ll try another lotion or potion; sure this one is the Holy Grail. After all it’s endorsed by a celebrity and she looks ageless! We try it for a week, look in the magic mirror and over-analyze the results. Disappointment usually follows.

I’m all for slowing things down and keeping things in place.

I once tried a Miracle Undergarment that promised to contain, lift and shape what time had undone naturally. The thing cut off blood flow from under my rib cage to my thighs. All this torture to fit into a really beautiful dress two sizes too small. Okay, it was on sale. There wasn’t another in my size and I truly believed I’d lose the ten pounds before the event. Can I get an Amen Sistah?

When I ordered a Champagne cocktail, the bartender asked if I needed a paramedic. “You’re very pale,” he said, “and you’re winded. Can you breathe okay?”

No asshole I can’t. I’m too busy trying to impress everybody with my old lady figure jammed into a straight jacket. If he offered a pair of scissors I’d have cut the thing off right in front of him.

What happened to the days when everything stayed tight and perky in place without help? Time happened. I understand a loose wrapping comes with the territory, and I’m burning daylight by obsessing over it. Enough.

Swap out the negative words to describe your beautiful aging body. Giggle and sway. Grunt when you pick something off the floor and groan when you manage to stand back up.

We are distinguished, silver foxes with mature figures. Check that out in the mirror. It’s the sexy look all the secure, sophisticated and accomplished women (and men) are wearing these days.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Courtesy: Marta Powlik

BeFAT in 2016

Happy New Year 2016!

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year!

Today is our youngest day on Earth.

Digest that for a second.

Because it’s true.

The idea behind BE F.A.T. started as a casual conversation that grew into a simple mantra that freaking changed my perspective on life.

Instead of signing off my emails with ‘Have a nice day’, I started writing: B.A.T. (Be Awesome Today). A friend was having a less than stellar day so I added an extra punch: the ‘F’, which got a laugh. In a skinny obsessed society I hope you get the tongue-in-cheek of BeFAT without being offended.

Which almost happened at a convention when a rather large woman got all in my face and pointed to my name tag. “Explain that.” I’d written my name, drew a smiley face and in big letters, #BeFAT. She Bobbleheaded me as I explained the evolution of BeFAT. Satisfied, she smiled. “Well, that’s f-g awesome.”

When I get pissed off (rare these days) or become impatient (uhm, sometimes) or feel lazy (too often!), this little voice in my head says: “Shut Up!” followed by “BE F.A.T.”

Today I sign off emails and end phone calls with #BeFAT and #FYA (Find Your Awesome).

It’s a short, laser pointed kick-in-the-pants reminder to Be Fucking Awesome Today, before the sand in the hourglass runs out. To appreciate the finite time on this planet and LIVE your life.

Let’s face it: Life is a crap shoot. Any day the knock might come on your door, and just like that, the party is over. You’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen it happen. None of us is special enough to escape the inevitable. But we’re all great, wonderful creatures, special enough to grab this short-term existence by the balls and run with it.

No matter your path in this life you will affect somebody’s life. It might not be big or newsworthy, published or screened. You may not get your name etched in stone on a building (except a headstone!) or have a bridge named after you, but your life matters big time to someone. Enough that you should want to squeeze in as much as you can and love as many people as your humanity is capable of. Even if it’s yourself.

Not sure about you my friends, but there’s lots I want to do before I go TITS UP.

BE F.A.T. forced me to list my blessings, for real this time. To try to make TODAY matter, which is especially hard on days when unpleasant things happen. And if we live long enough, shitty things and sucky people and ugly situations always happen.

The silver-lining, and there’s always one, is the ability to choose to shift our thinking. Make the experience, good or bad, count for something.

Agree to practice less pissing and more praising.

I don’t know much, but trust me on this one: If you let it, BE F.A.T. will become an acronym that haunts you every time you want to hurl something, punch somebody, give in or give up. So basically, it’s your daily reminder to go for it!

Screw the little voice in your head, the naysayers, Debbie Downers, self-loathing talks, man/woman-created obstacles, all the junk, and let this be the time you take a chance on YOU.

Let the little voice call to you, my friend. Be Fucking Awesome Today. And every day.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

#FYA (Find Your Awesome)
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Make A BeFAT Jar

Me and my recycled BeFAT Vase.

Posted December 31, 2015

Meet my BeFAT Vase! I found this beauty in the Swap Shop at our local recycling center. One man’s trash…my treasure.

I don’t claim to have invented this idea. Grateful Jars, Happiness Jars, whatever you wish to call them, have been around for a while.

Mine is empty today. All the dried up foliage it held started to fade and collect dust, so it was time to toss the shriveled mess out, wash it clean and find another use for it. And there’s something very promising about the whole process of clearing away the old junk and preparing the space for a new purpose. A clean slate. A new beginning.

Starting January 1, at the end of each day I vow to write a note to remind me of something awesome that happened that day.

Not earth shattering moments. Small things. Things that normally float by life without us paying much attention to them.

Like the cashier handing out a Dove chocolate to everyone in line. How awesome is that?

Or, I’m two weeks into my exercise program, sticking to it, and feeling good. Awesome.

At the end of the year you’ll have 365 notes. Oh the memories! The stories!

During the year you’ll no doubt have a sucky day. Reach into your jar, my friend, and read a few of your BeFAT notes. You’ll have probably forgotten them. On this day you’ll be glad you wrote them to remind yourself of how awesome your life is, despite the crappy day you’re having today.

Find your own jar, box, bag, or some random castaway recyclable and make it your BeFAT reminder.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image: “Selfie”

Be Thankful For Special People

Another nice thing about growing older (there are many) is to clearly understand the separation between the material accoutrements and the truly good stuff–the special people in your life who make it rich, in immaterialistic ways.

Parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and even people we don’t know personally, each have contributed positively to our lives. Something they’ve said or done, an impression they’ve left us with, a lesson taught, inspiration or encouragement given, a parting word, a tender lesson or mercy imparted at just the right time. This person may have caused a shift in our thinking or altered our perception of a long-held belief system. And we love them for that!

Then again, it could be a truly fantastic tip, or that they introduced us to a small café that makes the most amazing triple layer chocolate cake! No kidding. It’s slightly materialistic, but let’s agree to count this one. I mean, it’s chocolate, okay?

Being in love, whether it’s the friendship, family love, or that deeper, personal, soulmate love, is an intangible gift. We know this intellectually. We’d give up all our stuff in a heartbeat to save one of these precious souls. To thank our special people, privately or publicly, is to give a voice to those who make our life worth living.

I am thankful for the security that my “old” love delivers each day. The coffee he delivers to me in bed. The beach walks we take that require few words other than: “Wow. Beautiful. Lucky. Grateful. Blessed.”

After all these years there’s lots of conversation we don’t need. How refreshing!

We don’t need much, a few staples, like wine, good cheese and toilet paper! We don’t subscribe to commercially designed expressions of love.

To honor our simple brand of romance is to sit on opposite sides of the couch while he watches a ballgame and I write or read. Content. Happy. In love. Occasionally we let our toes touch. (A nudge usually means: Hey, who’s getting the coffee or is it too early to open the wine?)

I am thankful for the love and stability of my “old” friendships. No matter how much time goes by in between, dear, sweet friends pick right back up and continue the conversation. I am blessed with a handful of incredibly special people, each charged with feeding my soul for different reasons, and me theirs.

The joy of my children has no material equal on this planet. They represent the cycle of life, extensions of me.

Just at the moment we tire from tedium of childrearing, we celebrate with renewed energy the possibility of the next generation: grandchildren. And those little darlings trump their parents!

When all the homes, cars, boats, stocks, bonds, jewels, fancy décor, awards, and the lot are stripped away, it comes down to the people in your inner circle. Because of them we laugh a little bit longer, sing a bit louder and love much more deeply.

Original graphic and prose: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Mayur Gala/Unsplash

Category - Gratitude