Forgiveness Archives - Page 2 of 3 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Believe In You

_ Believe in yourself 3.29.2016

I’m not sure who else needs this message today besides me! The past few days, although very busy, hardly have felt productive, in the sense that nothing I’d planned to do got done. Anybody else out there?

Every once in a while I need to press RESET to remember the goal again, feel the desire again and get back in gear, again.

My recent obstacles, all good, have focused on others and not me. Not a bad thing of course, but I know that I know my “thing” inside me needs attention.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Write Yourself A Love Note

befat.net

Not every day is a “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner” right?

It felt a bit silly, but I wrote myself a little love note. It’s ballsy to post it but ask me if I care?

If you’re in a bit of a rut, or having a chicken-less day, write out a few kind words about yourself. Go the distance and write the note on a lovely card. Stick it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and mail it to yourself. It will surely bring a smile to your face when it arrives in your mailbox.

If you’re feeling ballsy, post it.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Screw It Today

befat.net

So the day didn’t end with a gold star to put on your fridge? Big deal. Today, don’t beat yourself up for what you didn’t get accomplished. Screw it.

Don’t sulk over the pile of stuff sitting in the corner waiting for you (It will be there tomorrow. Promise). The paperwork you finally were going to clean up, the closet you’d haul out before the donation truck shows up, the phone calls you said you’d make (dentist, a friend, etc.)…all of it. The world is not going to end because you, yes YOU, didn’t move a mountain or cook a turkey dinner today. Screw it.

Some days just drag. We feel blah all day, can’t get out of our own way, become stuck in a funk, lie around listless. Today maybe you wandered directionless or crashed into a wall! If the day found you dragging ass (for no reason whatsoever, or because you were a naughty camper last night) get over it and let that hangover feeling pass.

Or worse, you gave your best effort to everything you touched and things still went to shit. You attempted to communicate and despite your clarity, lines got crossed, the message misinterpreted and feelings got hurt. You valiantly stuck to the diet and exercise program until s/he (that domestic rat) took the chocolate chip cookies out of the oven. Oh my…warm cookies. Cold milk. Oh my…Screw it okay?

Today be kind to you. Give yourself the benefit of the same break you’d give others. Yep, sure, we mess up in small ways and royally f-k up more times than we’d care to count. So what? We are human. Beautiful and wonderfully fallible. Creative, marvelous beings capable of both so much and on some days, it seems, so little.

Today, fuggedaboutit.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Quote: Unknown author

You’ve Got This

When you feel today is the day you’ve reached the end of it — your rope, your patience, your trust, your faith, your sense of humor — take a deep breath. Let it out. Give yourself a moment. Take another and let it out. Do this as many times as you must until you feel the control return.

At the very least cut yourself some slack.

Sometimes the shit piles on and creates a divide wider and mightier than the Nile. Our better days seem a million miles behind us, maybe never to return again? That’s when we put on the hip boots (waders) ’cause sure as we’re standing knee deep in it, we’re gonna sink further into darkness before making it completely to the other side. And while we’re trudging through our personal pile of crap it’s hard to believe we’re actually ever going to see daylight again. But we build strength, little by little, all the way. And that strength will take us to solid ground.

Imprint this warning in your mind: Most shit that happens in your life is (usually) smaller than it appears. Think rabbit droppings, okay? And if the mountain is super high, it may take longer to complete the crossover. Either way, have faith. You’ve got this.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

A Good Day Prayer

Today, I pray you have a very good day.

May you be safe and sheltered from all harm —
your body be strong and energetic and healthy,
your mind sharp and open and accepting,
your spirit free and evolving and kind-hearted.

May you find the peace you seek —
the joy you yearn for,
the contentment you desire,
and the love you deserve.

May you spend quality time alone to think —
to pray for guidance and direction,
to ask for help and forgiveness,
to accept the limitations of others, and yourself.

May you notice beauty everywhere —
in the morning mirror as you rise,
in the afternoon light as you go,
in the evening shadows as you rest.

May you appreciate all your special gifts and talents —
the ones I see in you, lying in anticipation,
wanting you to create them, imagine them, bring them alive
and, please, generously share it all with the world.

Today I pray that you may understand your time here is precious and short —
That you truly enjoy this moment, and all the moments.
Be amazed by life’s wonderful unexplainable craziness,
and blown away by its constant bizarre twists and turns.

I pray you keep your chin up when things get tough.

I pray you keep your sense of humor when nothing’s funny.

I pray you strive for compassion when you’d rather punch somebody.

Most of all I pray you realize that people you don’t know love you, care about you and respect you.

Today, I pray you have a very good day. A most awesome day.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

4 Words Nobody Uses to Describe You

I might agree with some of the words people use to describe me, but the words I use to describe myself would surprise them. My words are very personal and deeply private. Nobody knows the real me. Do you feel the same way?

The lyrics from Simon & Garfunkel’s song AMERICA, represents the casual presumptions people make based on weak observations, that may, but most probably are not true.

“Playing games with the faces,
she said the man in the gabardine suit
was a spy.” – AMERICA lyrics by Paul Simon

A spy? On a city bus? I suppose anything’s possible.

I have a lovely friend whose identity is more like a bumper sticker than a spy. Unashamed and confident with her position in life, she’ll accept the occasional honks and criticisms in favor of living open and free. Well, that’s how I see her. Her personal truth may be 180 degrees in the other direction.

For years I lived in fear of showing my true self to the world believing I would be judged unworthy, unacceptable, un everything.

On the outside I looked fairly normal. I walked upright and most days managed to speak in complete sentences. But the real me? She hid deep inside, clawing at the surface.

Am I alone in this?

We become great impostors. Adaptable actors in our own life story. From years and years of conditioning we perfect award-worthy performances at hiding and burying shit that hurts. Our growth, pride, security, trust — all of it, tucked down there nice and safe. Whatever has been thrown in our direction we learn to self-protect to ensure it never happens again, damn it.

We’re Shamans of Survival. (BTW, this could be a really cool name for a rock band.)

We change clothes, the car we drive, the zip code where we live, the people we associate with. We slap on a smile and project a persona to the world that is sometimes as far from our true self as the east is from the west. The words we use in public to describe ourselves are called layers, a.k.a Ego. They get piled on top of each other until they protect our truth like a heavy winter coat.

Every living person desires to find the way back to their authentic, true self. If you need professional help to do this, seek that. It’s beyond the scope of this silly blog post to offer any constructive suggestions. I’m just a wandering buffoon trying to get from A to B before I die.

A special note here: If you are a confident, open spirit, with no axe to grind, position to prove, passion to unearth, situation to settle, please move along quietly. There’s nothing here for you folks to see. Leave the rest us alone to work through our personal carnage, and we promise to meet you on the other side at the bar for a drink.

For the rest of us, recognize that we are our greatest opponent. We use negative and self-defeating words to describe our failures, disappointments and missteps. Fair or unfair those labels are projected into the world and used against us.

“They have no idea who I am,” you say? Well maybe we should stop supplying the ammunition.

Speaking for myself, I wondered if finding the right words, the ones nobody would ever use to describe me, might reveal the truth and ultimately bring the joy I so desperately desired. Further, by living those words could I shield myself honorably from whatever the world thought I was or was not? Answer: Uh, yup.

Okay, stay with me. This might be a bit “deep” but if I faced my decades long fears by finding my words I have faith in you too. Only you know your soul.

Challenge yourself to come up with four words (or more).

“Your WORDS become your WORLD.” Nadeem Kazi

Click To Tweet

You can keep these words private forever or find a way to express them. Whisper to a trusted friend, scribble in a journal, tuck a note into your wallet or favorite book, or carve the words on a tree in the woods where they can no longer hold you prisoner. Try it.

What do you suppose it would feel like if you had the courage to bring those words forward? Not live by the words others use to describe you but by the words you use to describe yourself. I’m spit-balling here, but maybe one of your words is the same as one of mine: “Liberated”. The other three I’m keeping to myself.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Show Non-Judgmental Compassion

They upset us, tick us off, drive us crazy, exhaust us, anger us -– and because we’re grown-ups, we understand that hurting people hurt people. Still, knowing this doesn’t make the pain of personal attacks easier to handle.

Often the people closest to us cause us the most hurt. The pain of any attack throws us into self-judgment and self-blame. What did I do? What did I say?

It’s more than possible that you did absolutely nothing to invite an assault, but became a convenient target, caught in the crosshairs. They needed someone to point the finger at, to place blame, and in their frustration, chose you. If pressed, they might struggle to identify the exact reason they’re so flippin’ angry, at you.

Don Miguel Ruiz, the author of the Four Agreements, says, “nothing others do is because of you.” What other people say and do is not ever about you; it’s about them, drawing you into their own reality.

You might have been the person’s biggest supporter, confidant, caregiver, friend, cheerleader, peacemaker, teacher –- the right person with all good intentions, and doomed to fail. It’s the behavior that hurts our human ego, not the person.

When you can turn away and not take the hurtful and harmful actions of others personally, you protect yourself from needless suffering. Once you’ve shielded yourself, offer a kind, quiet prayer of non-judgment to the person in pain, and move on. Pray that their issues get resolved –that they find peace.

On this day, I choose to not judge any person for where they are standing today. It’s likely they are stuck and panicked, unable to make helpful decisions to save themselves. And also, because I have no clue about the root or continued source of their pain, my opinion or judgment does not serve any higher purpose. I hope someday they will show the same compassion for me.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

BeFAT in 2016

Happy New Year 2016!

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year!

Today is our youngest day on Earth.

Digest that for a second.

Because it’s true.

The idea behind BE F.A.T. started as a casual conversation that grew into a simple mantra that freaking changed my perspective on life.

Instead of signing off my emails with ‘Have a nice day’, I started writing: B.A.T. (Be Awesome Today). A friend was having a less than stellar day so I added an extra punch: the ‘F’, which got a laugh. In a skinny obsessed society I hope you get the tongue-in-cheek of BeFAT without being offended.

Which almost happened at a convention when a rather large woman got all in my face and pointed to my name tag. “Explain that.” I’d written my name, drew a smiley face and in big letters, #BeFAT. She Bobbleheaded me as I explained the evolution of BeFAT. Satisfied, she smiled. “Well, that’s f-g awesome.”

When I get pissed off (rare these days) or become impatient (uhm, sometimes) or feel lazy (too often!), this little voice in my head says: “Shut Up!” followed by “BE F.A.T.”

Today I sign off emails and end phone calls with #BeFAT and #FYA (Find Your Awesome).

It’s a short, laser pointed kick-in-the-pants reminder to Be Fucking Awesome Today, before the sand in the hourglass runs out. To appreciate the finite time on this planet and LIVE your life.

Let’s face it: Life is a crap shoot. Any day the knock might come on your door, and just like that, the party is over. You’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen it happen. None of us is special enough to escape the inevitable. But we’re all great, wonderful creatures, special enough to grab this short-term existence by the balls and run with it.

No matter your path in this life you will affect somebody’s life. It might not be big or newsworthy, published or screened. You may not get your name etched in stone on a building (except a headstone!) or have a bridge named after you, but your life matters big time to someone. Enough that you should want to squeeze in as much as you can and love as many people as your humanity is capable of. Even if it’s yourself.

Not sure about you my friends, but there’s lots I want to do before I go TITS UP.

BE F.A.T. forced me to list my blessings, for real this time. To try to make TODAY matter, which is especially hard on days when unpleasant things happen. And if we live long enough, shitty things and sucky people and ugly situations always happen.

The silver-lining, and there’s always one, is the ability to choose to shift our thinking. Make the experience, good or bad, count for something.

Agree to practice less pissing and more praising.

I don’t know much, but trust me on this one: If you let it, BE F.A.T. will become an acronym that haunts you every time you want to hurl something, punch somebody, give in or give up. So basically, it’s your daily reminder to go for it!

Screw the little voice in your head, the naysayers, Debbie Downers, self-loathing talks, man/woman-created obstacles, all the junk, and let this be the time you take a chance on YOU.

Let the little voice call to you, my friend. Be Fucking Awesome Today. And every day.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

#FYA (Find Your Awesome)
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Let There Be Peace on Earth

Let’s sit down to an old-fashioned potluck dinner and open a few bottles of wine. You bring your favorite dish, the special one you make for your family during your religious holidays or regional celebrations, and I’ll bring mine. I hope you will love the Mudiga steaks – breaded and fried beef cutlets. I’ll spoon on homemade tomato sauce, grated Parmesan cheese and serve it on a fresh Italian bread roll made by a local baker, who also happens to be a relative of mine.

While we pass around the dinner plates and open another bottle of wine, I listen while you tell me everything about your life -– your parents, the house you grew up in, the kids in your neighborhood, your longtime friends, your siblings, and crazy relatives too. I learn how you spent summers, places you’ve traveled and places you hope to visit someday.

You tell me the music that makes you want to dance and we agree that 70s music still holds up. You tell me about a particular song that gets you every time you hear it on the radio. The artist must have crawled inside your head to write lyrics. Every word, every note, perfectly reflects the feelings of the day you lost someone close to your heart. I reach out and take your hand; the same song speaks to me too.

What do you like to read? Historical fiction? Courtroom drama? Satire? Biographies? What kinds of movies do you watch? Goofball comedies? Anything with a Superhero? Sappy Rom-Coms? Really? There’s so much we have common!

We tell a few funny stories about our work life; from the first job we had as a kid to our secret dreams to start a business.

You tell me a joke I don’t get but once you translate it we come to the conclusion that knock-knock jokes are terrible in any language, in any country on Earth.

Our meal is ended, our bellies satisfied and the wine bottles empty. We have run out of conversation for now except to admit, to our surprise, that we are more alike than different. We are both sensitive, kind, conflicted, fallible, loving, vulnerable, engaging, needy, compassionate, interesting human beings trying to live our lives in the best way we know how.

It’s not always hearts and flowers and sunshine and lollipops, this world of ours. But our children and the generations that follow deserve a place of kindness and peace, a place where their dreams and hopes and aspirations are given a fertile foundation to grow. We both believe in the future. We know we can do better. We must.

Before our dinner, before we laid eyes on each other, separated by miles, it was easy to mistrust you, despise you, and misunderstand you. We feared who and what we did not know. But sitting across from me, sure, we look different, wear strange clothing; you smell unique, our speech has a lilt or a twist that takes a bit of concentration to understand.

During this dinner you served me and I served you, like we would any friend. When I spoke you listened to me; then I listened to you. And when I didn’t understand your point of view, you explained it. When you disagreed with me, you were polite and allowed me my position and I yielded to you. Like real friends.

After this dinner we concluded that we want to live in peace, in harmony, in tune with one another, to accept each others flaws and points of view with the respect humans offer each other. Because we are all people on the same planet. Because that’s what humankind does to keep the planet alive and well.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

No Regrets

We’ve all got them. Those pesky shouldda, wouldda, couldda decisions we didn’t make and now regret, or we DID MAKE, and now regret. Can’t win, right?

If there’s time to fix your past regrets, do it before there’s no time. If your regret involves people no longer alive (or worthy of your time), make your peace, wish them well, and move on. Regretting a relationship that’s literally dead helps no one, especially you.

Fix the regrets you’re still hanging on to that matter to you and your happiness.

You get to rewrite the end of your story, remember? You get to decide if the regrets on your list are UNFIXABLE or FIXABLE. If the regret is UNFIXABLE, make amends with this reality. If the regret is FIXABLE, move on it soon.

This is tough for me, too, you guys. After listing twelve regrets, (12!) I settled on my top four. In lieu of New Year’s resolutions, I’m going to tackle my regrets:

1. Losing touch with friends.

Especially former college roommates. We had fun together, thirty years ago, and today we send each other Christmas cards. The saying that we see old friends at weddings and funerals is true, and sad. If you haven’t seen this Christmas commercial yet, please do.

Regret=FIXABLE

2. Not following my gut to become a writer.

Early decisions we make from a place of immaturity, ignorance (lack of knowledge), fear and insecurity perpetuate throughout life. It gets easier to forget we ever had dreams and desires to do something BIG. Our hopes and dreams become burrowed down deep until the weeds grow over and the effort to unearth them becomes moot. That’s when all of the excuses kick up: I can’t. I’m too this. Not that. Etc. Lost time can’t be made up. But age teaches us that time is finite, so as Nike rightly marketed: JUST DO IT!

Regret=UNFIXABLE/FIXABLE

3. Not forgiving people sooner.

I carried anger against people whose opinions and thoughts would never match mine. And today, I’m cool. I’m at peace. Only for a long time I wasn’t. I regret the time I can’t get back. Time I shouldda, wouldda, couldda spent on prosperous ideas, fun projects and new relationships instead of harboring anger.

Regret=UNFIXABLE

4. Traveled more.

I worried about the cost. The dog. The language barrier. Who would water the garden? Silly and totally fixable issues. We throw obstacles in front us that aren’t really obstacles. These are excuses. I had to rely on somebody for help for the dog or the tomato plants, or dip into the “just in case” savings account. My goal now is to travel until I physically can’t. Someone will watch the dog. Someone will water the tomatoes. The rainy day fund will get replenished. And if it rains, I’ll get wet.

Regret=FIXABLE

“Regrets, I had a few.
But then, too few to mention.”*

Here’s hoping the end of your story has few or NO REGRETS!

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

*MY WAY
Songwriters CHILD, DESMOND / STANLEY, PAUL / TURGON, BRUCE
Published by Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC, S D R M, S U I S A, COOPERATIVE SOC. OF MUSIC AUTHORS & PUBLISHERS

Image: New Line Cinema

Category - Forgiveness