Be F-g Awesome Today

Quit Running The Universe

At some point in your life the Universe seems like the biggest baddest bossman (or bosslady). Overwhelming, unfair, crushing, disappointing. Fear not; the Universe has no idea who it’s dealing with. We’re bigger, badder Star Troopers with juggling abilities! We can wield a sword, tap dance and juggle dozens of balls, at the same time, like forever. And we do it forever.

Until…

Forever gets to be a really long time. We drop one ball. Then another. And another. Nobody can carry the Universe with aplomb. Eventually the Universe Juggler Sword fighter in you gets tired.

And, hey, who assigned you this shitty job in the first place? Or did you volunteer? Why do we do that??

We’re good at it too. Until one day you finally realize controlling the Universe offers no room for growth. Your martyrdom award collection sitting on your credenza, the ones you earned by worry, compromise, and delay of your best self, amount to nothing but dust collectors. You tell people: “See my struggles, my pain, my anxiety and worry.” Yep, there’s an award for that.

The day will surely come when you can’t drag your sorry ass into the “office” one more time. Only drinking lots of alcohol or curling up in a dark room moaning a chorus of Kumbaya seems like the best options. Then you declare the following, as loud and brave as you can (grab an award if it empowers you):

I quit.
I resign.
I give up.
I hereby tender my resignation. I no longer wish to control the Universe.

Tell the Universe you’re 100% on board with handing the reins over to some other sucker. You’re done with headaches, nausea, fatigue and all the rest that make you look ten years older than you should — despite the expensive Hollywood-sanctioned night creams hawked on late-night TV.

Take my desk, and my stapler, the cough drops and chipped coffee mug, all yours.

Parking spot? Done.

Position on the organization chart? Cross me out.

I no longer wish to be in charge. Of anything. Of anyone. Except myself. And that’s going to be challenge enough.

I don’t have all the answers. Okay, maybe I learned one or two things. Use caution here. I’m not sure they’re fact or a figment of my imagination. I have a long-standing history of accepting other people’s bullshit as truth. On second thought, don’t listen to my answers. I don’t know anything. And don’t listen to “them”. They certainly don’t know more than you. They just use really nice wrapping paper.

Rest assured, the Universe will do its thing when we all retire. The sun will rise and set; the oceans will ebb and flow.

I have questions. Lots of them. And since I’ve turned in my badge and locker combination, now is the time to be curious enough to figure out the answers. By myself. For myself.

Maybe it’s time for you to give up Keeper of the Universe and ask your own questions. Be curious enough to explore your life. By all means, I hope you take up juggling.

Forget what I said about not having the answers –just on this one. The Universe will carry on without you.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Unexpected Ways to Say the Expected

I hand you something. You say ‘thank you’. I say ‘you’re welcome’. It’s common courtesy, said mostly as a matter of course. Not a whole lot of thought or creativity involved in this civil conversation. After all it’s a quick exchange we were taught as children. What if we change it up a bit? What if instead of saying ‘thank you’, different words were used. It might raise my eyebrows. Could be fun too.

I remember sitting in an audience when the acclaimed speaker, author and international stress management and humor consultant Loretta LaRoche, told a story that left us doubled over in hysterics. She got to the supermarket checkout and with hands on her hips, gyrated a bit before telling the clerk: “Check me out!” Totally embarrassed her husband but left the audience rolling in the aisles.

Go ahead. Leave ‘em gasping!

Whether in fun or more serious, try to chose words that best reflect your deepest feelings.

Instead of saying: I was happy.

Say: At that exact moment I knew the stars and planets all aligned in my favor; my insides burst open with indescribable happiness!

Don’t forget to gyrate.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Quote and Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Greg Rakozy

Spread Joy

Not to sound all mushy but it’s easy to find Joy, especially this time of the year. And God knows this planet needs Joy.

Last night, despite chilly temps, community members gathered for a small tree lighting ceremony to honor and remember cancer patients. Signs of Joy were everywhere.

Joy…
in the testimony and support from patients and families for the unwavering kindness and love provided by a caring, professional oncology staff.

Joy…
in the aspiring voices of the middle school chorus, directed by a student conductor.

Joy…
in the faces of children when Santa appeared — skinny, jolly, ringing bells; just as wonderful and magical as the rotund mall version without long lines or admission fee to say ‘hello’.

Joy…
in the eyes of a sweet friend as she shared news of the heaven-sent companion she married, two years after losing her former partner to cancer.

Joy…
in the warm hugs of a mother while announcing her son is cancer-free.

Joy…
on the satisfied face of a beloved oncology nurse and clinical researcher on her decision to retire at the end of the year.

Joy…
in hearing the name of the person who bought a raffle ticket ahead of me win the door prize.

Joy,
the painted sign on my shed door. Placed there on purpose this holiday to be the first reminder every morning to live in Joy and do my very best to spread it.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image/Painted Sign: Stephanie DelTorchio

Chasing Perfection

Achieving perfection is nearly impossible.

The other day I got a hair-brain idea from Pinterest to make scented candles poured in reclaimed mason jars, embellished with rustic details. All the comments made the process seem monkey easy.

Let’s just say I’m satisfied when the day ends and I haven’t totally burned the house down. Note to friends on my holiday candle list: Expect a nice box of packaged chocolates. Perfect!

Being called a perfectionist (which I am kind of when it comes to bathroom cleaning, not candle making) isn’t about things being perfect in your life. It’s the perception that you’ve got it all together and therefore everything in your life must be perfect, which is rarely true.

A social perfectionist yields to external pressure to get everything just right. We can thank Martha Stewart, Pinterest, and every HGTV and Food Channel show host for making us believe a kitchen renovation or the perfect meal can be completed in thirty minutes, with commercial breaks.

Perfectionists cite past mistakes, criticism and expectations from parents, teachers and supervisors for driving their need to perform better than the next guy or gal. In reality nobody’s perfect.

Self perfection is the breed of perfectionists who set their own bar high. They’re motivated to get it right and not make mistakes. They avoid failure by claiming to give 110% and if that doesn’t get the job done they’ll work until the skin on their fingers chafes and bleeds. It’s a never ending treadmill which if unchecked, leads to burnout, or worse. For a perfectionist, at stake is the dissolution of self-esteem.

Supporters of perfectionists see you as someone to emulate which further keeps you motivated to fulfill their perceptions of you. To a perfectionist “average” is a failure.

This perpetuates a cycle of doing for self satisfaction. Nothing is ever good enough, no matter what physical evidence, achievements and accolades a perfectionist earns, they can always do more, be more. Just ask them.

For the rest of us mere mortals, we are unfairly judged by perfectionists. We can’t (please tell them we don’t want to) compete in their arena. For that we are judged as less than.

If perfectionism is unobtainable, is chasing it a bad thing? Absolutely not. I hope my doctors and tax accountants are perfectionists!

But perfectionism is not a badge of honor if it drives you to the point your physical and mental health suffers. That goes double for the non-perfectionists on your candle list.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Tony Wallstrom
Lyrics: Leonard Cohen

Smile In The Rain

Everyone understands that if you live long enough, sooner or later the Universe finds you and serves up a heaping pile of crap. When that happens to other people, we say well-meaning things like “rainbows follow the rain”, because we love our friends and care about them and don’t know what else to say.

We click LIKE and SHARE on those pretty infographic quotes. Guilty. I love these too!

How do you respond when the Universe calls your name?

The people I admire most will smile in the rain. They don’t hope the sunshine follows the rain. They BELIEVE IT.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: R. Shayesrehpour

Thank You, Good Morning

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Unsplash

Enjoy the Unexpected

Christmas greens, 60 degree sunshine in New England!

It’s almost sixty degrees in New England, a mere three weeks before Christmas. I’m lazing in flip flops on a beach chair unpacked from the garage. Sheltered from a wispy breeze it’s about 74 degrees on the deck. My dog joins me, stretched on the warm boards, twitching in a dream.

This time of the year we’re normally clinging on a ladder, and throwing out a few F-bombs while our fingers go numb wrestling with an uncooperative string of lights. Instead we’re slathering on sunscreen and thinking about taking the dog to the beach.

We hardy New Englanders understand the mood swings of Mother Nature; she’ll do what she’ll do.

I would not be surprised if black and gray clouds roll over us and the temperature dips thirty degrees in the next hour. Our credo around here: If you don’t like the weather, wait a minute.

I’m calling the nice weather a tease, knowing any minute, without warning, Mother Nature will change her mind. Winter is whispering on our backside and as sure as the grass is green today, a thick layer of snow will soon cover it. That is to be expected.

But the unexpected surprise is when an old friend from Atlanta calls to say he’s in town. Our unseasonably good weather gives little credence to my “this is not normal” speech when he arrives overdressed, expecting chilly temps or a few snowflakes. That was the day before.

There are no rules for weather forecasting where we live. We expect the unexpected and roll with it. No biggie. For friends who show up when you least expect, we call that surprise a gift.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Photo: Stephanie DelTorchio. Thanks to my sister-in-law for making the beautiful green arrangement.

Be the Helper

Lip service. We’ve all gotten it. It’s when someone tells us the thing we want to hear and never follows through by actually doing the thing they promised. “Sure I’ll help you move on Saturday.” And then they don’t show up.

Maybe their intentions were honorable and something unforeseeable happened. Tough to believe this, but perh

aps their words were meant to appease us, to shut us up for the moment and shoo us away. In either case we’re disappointed because a couch is really hard to carry up three flights of winding stairs!

In the real world, I call this “The Little Shit”; annoyances and aggravations, the stuff that momentarily pisses us off but we’ll get over. Then there’s what I call “The Big Shit”. Trust me on this one, you’ll know the difference.

When life throws a major curve-ball that hits us like a sucker punch to the soul. Everything we know is turned upside down and our life is thrown into a flux. We’re shocked, paralyzed and suddenly alone, living in a bad B movie. We’ve not prepared for this. Who does?

You’d choose to carry 10,000 smelly couches up three flights of winding stairs if doing so would make the big shit go away.

This is when lip service is harmful.

We must choose to seek out comrades for their wisdom and knowledge and guidance. And accept help.

Whether professionals, friends or complete strangers, we need to hear from The Helpers. They’ve crawled around in the trenches, walked the walk and will show us their battle scars, only to prove by standing in your presence, they’ve survived and so will you.

Call them The Helpers, Angels, God-sends, Blessings, Companions, or Supporters. They will show us the way, the path to healing, from experience. No lip service.

They can’t do the hard work for us. But they will be the solid foundation, the resource we go to over and over.

Whether the eventual outcome is what we hope and pray for, or not, is anybody’s guess. But along the way we’ll have learned some valuable lessons on compassion, love, strength, courage, humility and survival.

And then it’s our turn to be present, hold a hand, bring resources; grab the other end of the smelly couch. No lip service. Be the helper.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Volkan Olmez/Unsplash

Meet a Friend for Oatmeal

Oatmeal is as arbitrary as coffee when you meet up with a friend. It’s the catching up, sharing, laughing and reminiscing you enjoy. That’s the reason you made the time to be together. Have coffee, or tea. Or a doughnut. Or a beer. It’s totally fine.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Be 100 Percent

If you agree with quotes from famous people like former newsman Sam Donaldson, the great basketball player Larry Bird and actor Will Smith, to name a few, winners give 110 percent.

Which makes the rest of us who only give 100 percent what? Losers? Slackers?

Let’s call us “realistic achievers”– hard workers who give everything they’ve got, 100%, to their professional work, family, sport, passion, recreation, etc.

“But my observation has been, certainly in the news business, you’ve got to give 110 percent.”

SAM DONALDSON, newsman

Is it fair to chastise an Olympic sprint runner who finishes in second place and point to his giving only 100 percent effort as the cause? No. It’s stupid.

To win a Silver Medal or (gasp) Bronze and call the effort less than best, only diminishes the blood, sweat and tears of a highly motivated achiever. After years of body conditioning, elite level training plus personal sacrifices, I’d say anyone who’s made it to the Olympics gave every ounce of their human potential to their performance.

“You never make any of the shots you never take. 87% of the ones you do take, you’ll miss too. I make 110% of my shots.”

LARRY BIRD, Hall of Fame Basketball Player

For argument’s sake let’s call “Give 110%” just a figure of speech. You gave everything, and a little bit more, something extra. But that extra 1 percent, or 10 percent if you insist, is not measurable. It’s a fluff term.

“If you’re not willing to work hard, let someone else do it. I’d rather be with someone who does a horrible job, but gives 110% than with someone who does a good job and gives 60%.”

WILL SMITH, actor

Consider the the story of Langston Coleman who gave 100 percent to his dream of becoming a college football player. A tough, African-American kid from the slums of Washington, D.C., in 1963 Coleman hitchhiked to the University of Nebraska. He “walked-on” at football practice hoping to make the Husker football team. His efforts were rewarded with a scholarship and a position on the squad. Coleman went on to become one of the most legendary recruits for the Nebraska Huskers.

“Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.”

LANGSTON COLEMAN

Saying you give 110 percent is a joke. It’s 100 percent impossible to give more than you have….

Click To Tweet

Can we let this silly quote go once and for all? Anyone who demands of their team or employees to give 110 percent most likely flunked math class.

“All I ever wanted really, and continue to want out of this life, is to give 100 percent to whatever I’m doing and to be committed to whatever I’m doing and then let the results speak for themselves.”

JACKIE JOYNER-KERSEE, Olympic Gold, Silver and Bronze Medalist

It’s not a case of winners versus losers, World Champ versus Runner Up. Effort is what matters. Your absolute best is your 100 percent. A totally achievable, noble goal. Go and do that.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Sources: Langston Coleman
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio