Self-Improvement Archives - Page 9 of 9 - Stephanie DelTorchio

It’s Your Path

You have choices in this life. Follow a path paved by someone else or create your own.

By following a well-traveled path you follow the crowd. A paved road is safe. Bumps are fixed. The path is clearly marked with signs and arrows and warnings. Getting lost is near impossible. When you choose to be a follower your experiences are influenced. Your view is limited. Your growth is stunted and minimized.

“It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.” Bhagavad Gita

But when you create your own path you become a pioneer, a visionary, an original, a leader. Your destiny is unknown, scary, unpredictable and potentially very exciting. The way you navigate your path is open to what best suits your interests, curiosities, and gut feelings. Will you walk, run, crawl, skip, hop, ride, roll? Will you go off-road? Will others follow you?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Be Your Own Success

There are a gajillion books, seminars, tapes, courses and resources to teach you how to be a success at anything — business, relationships, fly fishing…

Sure the world measures success by awards, bank balances, trophies, and acquisitions. But ultimately success might be better measured by you doing whatever it is that brings you joy and that the relationship you have with it is healthy.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Be Daring

Playing it safe is the position of the mostly dead. It’s located between fear and contentment, which is fine at the end of life, when you’ve made peace with your Maker, said your good-byes, signed the will, left some food for the cat and told your family where the jewels are buried.

Until that day comes Be Daring. It will keep you from wandering through life in a fuzzy imitation of what could be, to addressing your purpose or destiny or that itch you know you must scratch!

Be Daring because you are a realist. You understand and appreciate that the sand in the hourglass is running.

People who are realists climb mountains, tinker in garages, travel to exotic places, take chances on relationships, start businesses, create and design, etc. because they cannot NOT do those things.

If you’ve let your hopes and dreams fall by the wayside, or you think it’s too late for you, Bah! No! STOP, please. Be Daring. Reclaim the spark of your desires and attack that thing you want to do, the one that keeps showing itself to you. The one which makes you happy and brings you joy just thinking about it.

Are you concerned about being taken seriously? Worried that people around you will get angry because your thing will take time away from them? Frig them. Draw a line between your desires and the naysayers. Politely remind them that their clock is ticking too and then go be the Champion of You.

A disclaimer, if you please: I’m not advocating that you leave your spouse, shave your head and join a traveling band, although if that’s your thing, have at it and let me know when you’ll tour New England.

Be Daring. Carve out the time. Your very existence is counting on you to fulfill it’s deepest desires. If you must, go after your thing quietly, in stolen moments, in private, in hiding. You’re doing this for you, remember? Because it feeds your soul and keeps your sanity. You never feel more alive and connected to this world than when you’re in the middle of creating, climbing, singing…whatever.

Be Daring. Don’t shut the door on your dream or goal or desire until you start hearing angels. And they best be SHOUTING your name.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Be Slow

5 Essential Reasons to Slow Down

The funny thing is that the better and faster our technology becomes the more crap we cram into a day. We overbook and over commit. We drive-through for meals, instant message to communicate and speed date to find meaningful relationships.

Is it any surprise we stress out, burn out and pass out? I’d argue that this modern day pace robs our quality of life.

It’s not easy to learn how to slow down, but here are a few suggestions:

Do One Thing

The term multi-task is worn like a badge of honor yet we rarely do many things at the same time well. Focus on one task at a time or you might end up leaving the house wearing two different shoes. (True story)

“To do two things at once is to do neither.” Publilius Syrus

Savor your food

Americans are known for the three G’s of eating – gobble, gulp and go. In my house we call it Chew & Screw. Take the time to awaken your senses to the textures, aromas, crunch, colors and presentation of the foods and drinks you consume. Besides providing nourishment food is meant to be enjoyed. And eat slowly, like your mother said.

Notice the details

At age 15 my daughter said: “Dad, you have blue eyes!” Open your eyes and truly notice what is right in front of you. Pay attention to people’s body language, things that look out of the ordinary, and the places you pass by mindlessly every day.

Connect and engage

Again, with instant communication we’ve forgotten how to have a normal face-to-face conversation or write a letter. Don’t half-listen when someone speaks; give your undivided attention. My late great uncle scooted down to a child’s level and I never forgot how special that made me feel. Ditto for addressing an elderly person.

Turn off and disconnect

The world will revolve without you checking messages or texting every minute. I left my phone at home today for two hours to take a walk, and guess what happened? Nothing. I returned calls and answered messages when I got back. Shut off the TV and read something that stimulates your brain or is pure entertainment. Listen to good music. Dancing is optional, but of course you should dance.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

4 Words Nobody Uses to Describe You

I might agree with some of the words people use to describe me, but the words I use to describe myself would surprise them. My words are very personal and deeply private. Nobody knows the real me. Do you feel the same way?

The lyrics from Simon & Garfunkel’s song AMERICA, represents the casual presumptions people make based on weak observations, that may, but most probably are not true.

“Playing games with the faces,
she said the man in the gabardine suit
was a spy.” – AMERICA lyrics by Paul Simon

A spy? On a city bus? I suppose anything’s possible.

I have a lovely friend whose identity is more like a bumper sticker than a spy. Unashamed and confident with her position in life, she’ll accept the occasional honks and criticisms in favor of living open and free. Well, that’s how I see her. Her personal truth may be 180 degrees in the other direction.

For years I lived in fear of showing my true self to the world believing I would be judged unworthy, unacceptable, un everything.

On the outside I looked fairly normal. I walked upright and most days managed to speak in complete sentences. But the real me? She hid deep inside, clawing at the surface.

Am I alone in this?

We become great impostors. Adaptable actors in our own life story. From years and years of conditioning we perfect award-worthy performances at hiding and burying shit that hurts. Our growth, pride, security, trust — all of it, tucked down there nice and safe. Whatever has been thrown in our direction we learn to self-protect to ensure it never happens again, damn it.

We’re Shamans of Survival. (BTW, this could be a really cool name for a rock band.)

We change clothes, the car we drive, the zip code where we live, the people we associate with. We slap on a smile and project a persona to the world that is sometimes as far from our true self as the east is from the west. The words we use in public to describe ourselves are called layers, a.k.a Ego. They get piled on top of each other until they protect our truth like a heavy winter coat.

Every living person desires to find the way back to their authentic, true self. If you need professional help to do this, seek that. It’s beyond the scope of this silly blog post to offer any constructive suggestions. I’m just a wandering buffoon trying to get from A to B before I die.

A special note here: If you are a confident, open spirit, with no axe to grind, position to prove, passion to unearth, situation to settle, please move along quietly. There’s nothing here for you folks to see. Leave the rest us alone to work through our personal carnage, and we promise to meet you on the other side at the bar for a drink.

For the rest of us, recognize that we are our greatest opponent. We use negative and self-defeating words to describe our failures, disappointments and missteps. Fair or unfair those labels are projected into the world and used against us.

“They have no idea who I am,” you say? Well maybe we should stop supplying the ammunition.

Speaking for myself, I wondered if finding the right words, the ones nobody would ever use to describe me, might reveal the truth and ultimately bring the joy I so desperately desired. Further, by living those words could I shield myself honorably from whatever the world thought I was or was not? Answer: Uh, yup.

Okay, stay with me. This might be a bit “deep” but if I faced my decades long fears by finding my words I have faith in you too. Only you know your soul.

Challenge yourself to come up with four words (or more).

“Your WORDS become your WORLD.” Nadeem Kazi

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You can keep these words private forever or find a way to express them. Whisper to a trusted friend, scribble in a journal, tuck a note into your wallet or favorite book, or carve the words on a tree in the woods where they can no longer hold you prisoner. Try it.

What do you suppose it would feel like if you had the courage to bring those words forward? Not live by the words others use to describe you but by the words you use to describe yourself. I’m spit-balling here, but maybe one of your words is the same as one of mine: “Liberated”. The other three I’m keeping to myself.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Be Serious With Your Talents

Tonight I saw a performance of the musical CATS! at a local theater. While I wouldn’t compare it to the professional troupe at the Winter Garden Theater in NYC, the ensemble talent on this small stage played anything but small. They brought the house down. And for good reason — they were fantastic.

The energy of the performers and musicians, detailed costumes and stage theatrics rivaled any production I’d seen in major city theater where ticket prices can go as high as a Four-Star dinner. From the opening song through the meet and greet outside the theater after the performance, the production was a class act.

And the best part? Everyone connected to the production — performers, musicians, set decorators, seamstresses, lighting and sound technicians, etc. — is a volunteer. They work as hard as any paid professional, and for the pure pleasure of honoring their individual craft. And they take that pleasure seriously. How cool is that?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Category - Self-Improvement

5 Essential Reasons to Slow Down