Relationships Archives - Page 3 of 7 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Privilege Of Growing Up

Privilege of Getting Older | befat.net | quote | image

One of the nicer reasons to celebrate getting older (for me anyway) is that the list of things that matter gets shorter by the day.

And the list is easily divided into two columns: Things that matter, Things that don’t.

Over time many of the things — which include people, social obligations, jobs, housekeeping chores, etc. become less taxing on our life. Why?

The truth is we’re tired. Not quite the go to bed at 7 p.m. and get up at 4 a.m. but there isn’t THAT much wiggle room — speaking for myself only. So the prime time of waking hours is sacred. Choosing one thing over the other, or who to let into our circle, is relative to the time we’re awake. Still, in those hours, again, speaking for myself, I’m a bit fussy on where I focus my energy.

I choose this, not that. Paper not plastic. Burger not Dog. You, not her.

The simplicity of saying “yes” to things that matter and “no” to things that don’t matter, keeps our minds and bodies focused on what’s best for us today.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Chocolate and Hugs Heal Everything

Hugs and Chocolate Cake | befat.net

A bit of chocolate goes a long way. A nice hug lasts longer…

Life happens, right? We live in a world that hands us our share of bumps and bruises. How we handle what happens to us is THE only choice we get.

See the situation for what it is.

There are big shit problems and little shit problems.

For the little ones, ask yourself if you’re making mountains out of molehills. Is there something you can do to change the situation? To make it better or eliminate it?

Plenty of things set people off. Instead of over-reacting count to ten like mother taught you. Get real. Fix it. Make it right. From a parking ticket to a spat with a friend, clear it up, if possible.

Big shit problems won’t go away overnight, of course. When you’re facing the fire it’s hard to imagine you’ll walk through it unscathed. You might. You might not. But you will come out the other side, eventually.

Tackle the problem bit by bit

“When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.” – Creighton Abrams

Same for whatever size dung’s been plopped on your doorstep. Trying to consume it all at once isn’t brave. It’s dumb. You will choke — and die, according to my mother who always added “and die” to everything.

Reflect on previous wins

Think back to the times you faced adversities and survived. You’ve done well handling yourself and your problems all of your life. You did it then. You can do it again.

Putting on a brave front when your world is closing in is a common tactic. It’s the alternative to running down the street naked and screaming at everybody. The people closest to you know the mask you’re wearing isn’t your normal one. And you’re lucky to have those people around. Luckier still when they don’t judge but instead reach out and hug you. And double points if the hug is followed up with chocolate cake.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Love At First Sight

Love at first sight | befat.net

Love at first sight seems like the opening act of a romantic comedy movie. I suppose it happens in real life. Didn’t go that way for me, but maybe it did for you.

The first time I saw my love — we were about twelve years old — I wanted to run in fear. He’d just blown up a bullfrog in a window well by shoving fireworks down its throat. Later, while my cousins and I posed in our new two-piece swimsuits, he photobombed us. Nothing says romance like a stuck out tongue and devil horns forever preserved on an Instamatic photograph. Then he chased us around the yard spraying us with a garden hose.

My second look was in high school when he swallowed live goldfish at a party. I took notice. Four medium fish in under a minute. Impressive.

The third look sent me over the Moon. As we walked to the gym together, and just before I agreed to go out with him, a track teammate ran by and whipped down my future husband’s gym shorts to the cheers of several onlookers, including the principal’s secretary.

Eventually my love stopped blowing up frogs and bought a decent belt, but he still gets a thrill from blowing shit up. I chalk it up to a guy thing.

But the thought of love at first sight isn’t just for tender young hearts.

Who hasn’t fallen, and fallen HARD, for a shiny red Mustang convertible? An heirloom diamond ring with the perfect setting? A two-story shingled house with an ocean view?

Time, and a strong second look, always brings us back to reality. The dent in the rear quarter. The flaw in the stone. The crumbling foundation.

It’s easy to fall in love when our eyes are blinded by the initial rush of want. The impulse to say ‘yes’ without due scrutiny often leads to disappointment or worse, regret. When newness fades and the sheen and sparkle becomes dull and cloudy, we question our decisions. Again.

Maybe the problem isn’t with the first attraction but the willingness to stick with the choice and go the distance AFTER the shiny thing fades.

Fix the dent and enjoy the car as she was meant to be. A flaw in an heirloom is a grandmother’s history. With attention (and a boatload of cash) even a shaky foundation can be fixed but the location cannot.

It’s not necessary to compromise or set lower standards; a point I considered on several occasions before dating then marrying, the Frog Murderer.

Sometimes it’s best to use that second (or third) look to save yourself from aggravation, pain and financial ruin. Other times, it takes a second or third look to appreciate the potential of the gem you missed on the first go around.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Quote: Unknown Author

Choosing Your Inner Circle

Be with those who help your being. Rumi|befat.net

We get to hand pick the people to let into our super-selective circle.

Who do you let in? A person who helps, supports, and guides you is a cherished gift — that person belongs inside your circle. S/he will hold your hair back while you heave over the toilet bowl after a very long night (okay, college days remembered or a really stupid adult night — sadly, done both).

We DO eventually grow up — somewhat.

As a grown-up, a person deserving of your circle DOES NOT need to be summoned to take your hand while you hear a rotten diagnosis. She’s already there. She bakes a cake and hands you the other fork and you both swear not to tell a soul. She breaks out into riotous laughter that makes you both pee your pants, and then you laugh some more. It’s easy and natural and oh so juvenile, but perfect.

Somehow these people just KNOW when you need a cheer-me-up. An extra pair of hands to hold a ladder. Or advice on making funeral arrangements for your dad. They bring flowers or wine or chocolate for no reason and call just to say “hello”, I miss your company.

Any material offers are given generously without her ever keeping a secret score card to shove back in your face. Because she owns a pure and kind heart and wouldn’t harm a flea on the back hairs of a dog. And for the record, NOT ONCE has her integrity been in question because she demonstrates her loyalty and love to you over and OVER again. Consistent. Reliable. Solid as rock.

Even when you (Me) have been a bit of a shit.

The people we let into our tight circle want for us exactly what we want for ourselves, even when we don’t know it. They are the few, the select, the inner circle. They are gold.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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Without Shoes? No Problem

#withoutshoes befat.net

This is the time of year (in New England) where any quasi-warm day is a reason to kick off your shoes. Finally after the cold and snow, the toes breathe a sigh of Spring.

Of course around here the early spring of May is no guarantee of flip flop weather. No problem for the diehards who walk around barefoot and in shorts beginning May 1st, no matter if there are traces of frost on the grass or not.

Each year, the folks at TOMS shoe company spend one day #withoutshoes to raise awareness for children’s
health and education. Their dream is that some day, all kids will have shoes.

Today, May 10th, TOMS is asking everyone to Instagram your feet #withoutshoes or your TOMS and help give 100,000 new pairs of shoes to children in 10 countries.

No shoes? No problem.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Leave A Personal Legacy

befat.net

Famous people with famous legacies

Abraham Lincoln (1809 – 1865) inspired the nation with his Gettysburg Address and helped to bring about the abolishment of slavery.

Nelson Mandela (1918 – 2013) campaigned for justice and freedom in his native South Africa. He spent 20 years in jail for his opposition to apartheid. On his release he healed the wounds of apartheid by his magnanimous attitude to his former political enemies.

Marie Curie (1867 – 1934) awarded a Nobel Prize for both Chemistry and Physics. Her discoveries with radiation helped advance medical science. Also, her achievements were even more remarkable at a time when few women gained education.

Martin Luther King (1929 – 1968) the most influential leader of the non-violent civil rights movement, inspired millions of people, black and white, to aspire for a more equal society.

Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) – One of the greatest minds in human history. It is wildly believed that da Vinci was centuries ahead of scientific discovery. He furthered advancement in anatomy, astronomy, physics, science and the arts.

Mother Teresa (1910 – 1997) – Lived a life of poverty to try to improve the conditions of others. Her devotion and compassion inspired the lives of many people.

Jane Goodall (1934 – ) – Made ground-breaking study into the behavior of chimpanzees. Goodall became a noted campaigner and activist for environmental protection and kindness to animals.

Mozart – A musical genius whose talents give joy to millions of people.

Rumi – Sufi poet. His mystical poetry continues its universal appeal.

Steve Jobs – Charismatic founder of Apple. Helped create new standards of design in technology.

These famous people changed the world at their time of life, and their legacy lives on.

We need not be political or social heroes, gifted in the arts and sciences, or spiritual leaders to leave behind an enduring legacy.

The thing about personal legacies is often we don’t know we’ve left one. Good or bad.

A kind gesture, an encouraging word, a thoughtful gift; human exchanges we encounter throughout our lives make us want to be better people. Conversely, a person who is angry, cheats, lies, proves irresponsible again and again, any kind of destructive behavior…leaves us feeling something else altogether. Both are memorable legacies.

I vote for kind and gentle legacies.

The father who watches his daughter change a tire under his direction teaches her self-sufficiency.

The mother who rehearses “the first dance” with her son demonstrates the importance of tenderness and romance.

A coach who plays everyone on the bench defines what it means to be a player on his team.

The boss who encourages employees understands they are the future of the organization.

The middle-school math teacher who stays after school to tutor a struggling child and just maybe, huh? discovers the child’s obsession with taking pictures of animals. That child learns to believe that he possesses special talents and gifts (okay, not Algebra!), and goes on to a successful career as a National Geographic photographer.

These simple moments, however fleeting and benign, have the ability to leave a positive mark and endure a lifetime and beyond. Sometimes a legacy is just being the right person in the right place at the right time to change or alter or turn someone’s life in new or better direction. For this, you will be remembered as THE person who influenced a life.

Many of the people in our lives exit this world without awards and ribbons. Yet their names more indelible than if they were etched in stone across some alumni building. We fondly remember the ones who left their great legacy on us — parents, teachers, coaches, bosses, mentors, etc. — for their humanity and spirit. Side note: Those of us with parents or grandparents who emigrated to the United States at great personal sacrifice, we owe a debt of gratitude. We must tell and record their stories for the next generation. With any luck, the histories and legacies we tell bare some semblance to the truth!

Part of my writing journey is expressly for my children. Ideas and ideals that were passed to me from people way smarter and wiser than I’ll ever be. The legacy we leave need not be worthy of a statue in our honor or biographical documentary. By doing our best job to not f-k up in this world is a good enough legacy. But to be a regular person who can be an extraordinary influence on our small personal tribe is more than good enough.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

My Wish For You

befat.net

When you can’t find the right words, these lyrics by Rascal Flatts are perfect.

I wish this for my mate.

I wish this for my children.

I wish this for my closest friends, and by connection, their friends.

I wish this for my colleagues.

I wish this for all the creative people.

I wish this for all the dreamers and thinkers and doers.

I wish this for you.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Quote/Lyrics: Rascal Flatts

Who Gets You?

befat.net

For someone to “get” us means we wish to be accepted — flaws and quirks and all. To not be judged or manipulated or swayed or controlled like some puppet. It doesn’t mean that we must be understood. It doesn’t mean they must agree with everything we say. Or take our side and stick up for our causes. Quite the contrary.

Someone who truly “gets” you respects you, your opinions and positions, and allows you the latitude to grow. If someone doesn’t get you, get a new someone.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

You Are Beautiful

If you see someone beautiful say something

Today, if you see someone beautiful, say something.

I’m not talking about gorgeous women (and men) on magazine covers who may or may not have been generously (airbrushed) blessed with flawless skin and thick eyelashes; desirable tall frames in barely there bikinis with stick-like legs that go on for days. No doubt these freaks of nature exist. Bless them…

I’m talking about TRULY BEAUTIFUL people. The real, inner beauty that once seen for its value should take our breaths away, more than a mock-up version of commercial beauty.

To the harried young mother juggling two babies and a cartload of groceries, wondering if she’ll ever fit in her “regular” clothes again — you are beautiful.

To the elderly man who holds the hand of his struggling wife — you are beautiful.

To the countless volunteers who give their time and energy to causes near and dear to the their hearts — you are beautiful.

To the men and women who put their lives in front of the public to keep us safe and secure — you are beautiful.

To the people who are lost and wandering, we pray your path is illuminated with trust and direction — you are beautiful.

To the ill and the dying, even when your body is struggling to heal or deciding it’s time to take the journey home — you are beautiful.

To the nurturers and caregivers, with their compassion and unselfish dedication to making another person’s life more comfortable — you are beautiful.

To the unsung workers who sweat in the brutal heat and bitter cold to make our public spaces safe and enjoyable — you are beautiful.

To the children who share their innocence and make us laugh — you are beautiful.

To the readers of this page who grant me your time, and the latitude and freedom to share my rants and thoughts — you are beautiful.

P.S. These are the people I encountered today. Who are the beautiful people you encountered today? Please add to the list and post if you like.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Plant It Forward

befat.net

The first plants I ever purchased for my home were from a local Ladies Garden Club. Mostly older women, they wore wide brim hats and gloves, all proper Victorian-looking to me.

Each plant, harvested straight from their own gardens, had received years of tender administration which I was too immature a gardener to appreciate. For a few dollars I was handed a wrapped ball of Bleeding Hearts, Hostas and Lady Slippers. The warmth and richness of the soil in my hands lingered as the gardener shared the history behind each plant. The Bleeding Hearts, a wedding gift from her mother-in-law. The shade loving Hostas from a neighbor as a welcome gift. The showy, yellow Lady Slippers taken from the woods along a path that lined a dirt beach pathway.

I felt as if she’d just handed me her babies. My duty going forward was to plant them, care for them, let them grow to be big and strong. Was I worthy of this responsibility?

When I thanked the woman for the plants she admonished me. Apparently there’s an old wives tale about thanking someone for plants — don’t do it. “It’s best to take them and say you’ll give them a good home,” she said. Okay, weird.

Nearly 35 years and two homes later (couldn’t leave without some) these plants make me smile each spring when their new shoots break through the topsoil. It’s funny, but I silently thank those lovely ladies for their stories, then look over my shoulder.

Over the years I’ve received many clippings and root balls from friends and family. I cherish the armful of tangerine Daylilies my Mom brought me from her yard. Hers came from my grandmother who received a pot of them from her sister, my neighbor for several years. After my great-aunt’s passing, a young couple moved into the home. I gifted them with pots of divided Daylilies, their great-great-great grandchildren.

Today my garden overflows with Rosemarie’s pink and purple phlox, Sheila’s red poppies, my Mom’s daylilies and Rose-of-Sharon trees, Leah’s Montauk daisies and Autumn Joy sedum. Every year I take pictures and share as a reminder of our longtime friendships that continue to grow.

I’ve given them a good home and given them away to good homes.

Request: Please share images of plants, trees, or flowers someone has given you that you’ve transplanted in your own space, or plants that you’ve given away.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

Category - Relationships

Famous people with famous legacies