Personal Development Archives - Page 15 of 16 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Be Childlike

The word AWESOME gets thrown around a lot.

It’s a subjective word, of course. What I find awesome might bore you to death, and vice-versa. I still love the word because it makes me feel childlike. Not childish. There is a difference.

Childish is acting like a baby or with immature tendencies. Acceptable from a toddler. Draining and boorish when adults behave this way, no? You know the type. Whiners. Complainers. Demanding. Feet stompers.

Being childlike is sort of whimsical; trusting, innocent, fearless. All the endearing qualities of children. I remember watching my six-year-old son’s face as we entered the Magic Kingdom. It lit up. He couldn’t take it all in at the same time. Standing there, frozen, in awe of Main Street, the music, the characters – all of it like a dream.

Adults experience this too. Seeing a natural wonder (Grand Canyon anyone?), a Key West sunset, the streets of Paris at night from the top of the Eiffel Tower — your adult eyes open in wide-eyed childlike wonder. You process this differently than a child but it still leaves your heart fluttering. Is this real? Can I bottle it up?

Trying something new, with or without fear, brings on the giddies, right? I remember my first (and only) white water rafting trip in Acadia National Park. No lying, this gal’s heart raced, and not the good kind! Petrified, panicked, were the emotions bubbling under my surface. Crying for Mommy, under my breath.

Despite all logic to stay away from danger, we paddled hard in the direction of a waterfall. A waterfall! Every survival instinct said “turn the raft around” and paddle like hell in the opposite direction. To calm, safe waters.

Instead we paddled hard and fast towards the fall until our arms ached. At the exact moment we reached the crest of the fall my entire body went all rubbery. Fear. Just over the rim I spotted rafts filled with rafters who’d gone over the fall before us. They seemed so tiny, distant, really far down below. Excuse me, what was the size of this drop again?

“HOLD ON!!” came our guide’s instruction from the rear of the raft.

Hold on? Bet your ass!

We dipped over the crest (I swear my feet flipped over my head) and the raft arced downward, then we were airborne. The bow crashed the churning water and went under, followed by our rafting crew. One by one we bobbed to the surface like ducks; drenched, spitting and choking on icy cold freshwater, unlike ducks. Safe and stable again, we high-fived each other, screaming our brains out, elated, and alive. And like all endearing children, once we realized we’d survived the waterfall drop, collectively yelled: “Let’s do it again!”

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Viktor Jakovlev

Create More Think Less

For years I was guilty of mind wandering. Thinking really, really hard about getting more writing done, but not actually doing the work. I once toyed with the idea of writing “professional thinker” in the open section of a job application.

Writing is no tougher gig than any other creative work. I don’t believe in writer’s block. It’s another excuse made by lazy people to delay sitting their ass down and writing. There’s plenty of reason for not starting. I keep my list handy for the proverbial rainy day. Putting aside all the self-hate (not good enough, not qualified, no representation, etc.) most creative types worry about what everyone else will think of their work. Guilty again.

This is true in any work where you plan to eventually put yourself out there for all the world to judge. It’s terrifying to stand up and bare all. Going public invites criticism. It also invites praise. And neither one of these positions matter to your craft of creating what you love.

You will find critics and detractors no matter if you’ve entered a pie at the county fair, performed in a summer stock production or presented a PowerPoint on the decline of customer satisfaction to a business group.

After you’ve managed to smack yourself upside the head for the faulty work, you’ve got proof positive from the public. Your work is just what you’ve said: immature, inconsistent, amateur, unprofessional or whatever.

At the very least, giving credence to the naysayers is counter-productive.

It’s best to get to the work out there without worrying about what you or anyone else thinks of it. By creating the work you will learn and grow, get better at what you’ve chosen to do and refine your craft. If you ever manage to satisfy yourself by the work you create, rest assured, there’s a critic in the wings deciding if you are worthy.

Screw ’em. Keep producing.

Be F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Pixabay

A Star Is Reborn

Here’s hoping you COLLAPSE and CRUMBLE. In a good way, of course!

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Quit Running The Universe

At some point in your life the Universe seems like the biggest baddest bossman (or bosslady). Overwhelming, unfair, crushing, disappointing. Fear not; the Universe has no idea who it’s dealing with. We’re bigger, badder Star Troopers with juggling abilities! We can wield a sword, tap dance and juggle dozens of balls, at the same time, like forever. And we do it forever.

Until…

Forever gets to be a really long time. We drop one ball. Then another. And another. Nobody can carry the Universe with aplomb. Eventually the Universe Juggler Sword fighter in you gets tired.

And, hey, who assigned you this shitty job in the first place? Or did you volunteer? Why do we do that??

We’re good at it too. Until one day you finally realize controlling the Universe offers no room for growth. Your martyrdom award collection sitting on your credenza, the ones you earned by worry, compromise, and delay of your best self, amount to nothing but dust collectors. You tell people: “See my struggles, my pain, my anxiety and worry.” Yep, there’s an award for that.

The day will surely come when you can’t drag your sorry ass into the “office” one more time. Only drinking lots of alcohol or curling up in a dark room moaning a chorus of Kumbaya seems like the best options. Then you declare the following, as loud and brave as you can (grab an award if it empowers you):

I quit.
I resign.
I give up.
I hereby tender my resignation. I no longer wish to control the Universe.

Tell the Universe you’re 100% on board with handing the reins over to some other sucker. You’re done with headaches, nausea, fatigue and all the rest that make you look ten years older than you should — despite the expensive Hollywood-sanctioned night creams hawked on late-night TV.

Take my desk, and my stapler, the cough drops and chipped coffee mug, all yours.

Parking spot? Done.

Position on the organization chart? Cross me out.

I no longer wish to be in charge. Of anything. Of anyone. Except myself. And that’s going to be challenge enough.

I don’t have all the answers. Okay, maybe I learned one or two things. Use caution here. I’m not sure they’re fact or a figment of my imagination. I have a long-standing history of accepting other people’s bullshit as truth. On second thought, don’t listen to my answers. I don’t know anything. And don’t listen to “them”. They certainly don’t know more than you. They just use really nice wrapping paper.

Rest assured, the Universe will do its thing when we all retire. The sun will rise and set; the oceans will ebb and flow.

I have questions. Lots of them. And since I’ve turned in my badge and locker combination, now is the time to be curious enough to figure out the answers. By myself. For myself.

Maybe it’s time for you to give up Keeper of the Universe and ask your own questions. Be curious enough to explore your life. By all means, I hope you take up juggling.

Forget what I said about not having the answers –just on this one. The Universe will carry on without you.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Unexpected Ways to Say the Expected

I hand you something. You say ‘thank you’. I say ‘you’re welcome’. It’s common courtesy, said mostly as a matter of course. Not a whole lot of thought or creativity involved in this civil conversation. After all it’s a quick exchange we were taught as children. What if we change it up a bit? What if instead of saying ‘thank you’, different words were used. It might raise my eyebrows. Could be fun too.

I remember sitting in an audience when the acclaimed speaker, author and international stress management and humor consultant Loretta LaRoche, told a story that left us doubled over in hysterics. She got to the supermarket checkout and with hands on her hips, gyrated a bit before telling the clerk: “Check me out!” Totally embarrassed her husband but left the audience rolling in the aisles.

Go ahead. Leave ‘em gasping!

Whether in fun or more serious, try to chose words that best reflect your deepest feelings.

Instead of saying: I was happy.

Say: At that exact moment I knew the stars and planets all aligned in my favor; my insides burst open with indescribable happiness!

Don’t forget to gyrate.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Quote and Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Greg Rakozy

Chasing Perfection

Achieving perfection is nearly impossible.

The other day I got a hair-brain idea from Pinterest to make scented candles poured in reclaimed mason jars, embellished with rustic details. All the comments made the process seem monkey easy.

Let’s just say I’m satisfied when the day ends and I haven’t totally burned the house down. Note to friends on my holiday candle list: Expect a nice box of packaged chocolates. Perfect!

Being called a perfectionist (which I am kind of when it comes to bathroom cleaning, not candle making) isn’t about things being perfect in your life. It’s the perception that you’ve got it all together and therefore everything in your life must be perfect, which is rarely true.

A social perfectionist yields to external pressure to get everything just right. We can thank Martha Stewart, Pinterest, and every HGTV and Food Channel show host for making us believe a kitchen renovation or the perfect meal can be completed in thirty minutes, with commercial breaks.

Perfectionists cite past mistakes, criticism and expectations from parents, teachers and supervisors for driving their need to perform better than the next guy or gal. In reality nobody’s perfect.

Self perfection is the breed of perfectionists who set their own bar high. They’re motivated to get it right and not make mistakes. They avoid failure by claiming to give 110% and if that doesn’t get the job done they’ll work until the skin on their fingers chafes and bleeds. It’s a never ending treadmill which if unchecked, leads to burnout, or worse. For a perfectionist, at stake is the dissolution of self-esteem.

Supporters of perfectionists see you as someone to emulate which further keeps you motivated to fulfill their perceptions of you. To a perfectionist “average” is a failure.

This perpetuates a cycle of doing for self satisfaction. Nothing is ever good enough, no matter what physical evidence, achievements and accolades a perfectionist earns, they can always do more, be more. Just ask them.

For the rest of us mere mortals, we are unfairly judged by perfectionists. We can’t (please tell them we don’t want to) compete in their arena. For that we are judged as less than.

If perfectionism is unobtainable, is chasing it a bad thing? Absolutely not. I hope my doctors and tax accountants are perfectionists!

But perfectionism is not a badge of honor if it drives you to the point your physical and mental health suffers. That goes double for the non-perfectionists on your candle list.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Tony Wallstrom
Lyrics: Leonard Cohen

Smile In The Rain

Everyone understands that if you live long enough, sooner or later the Universe finds you and serves up a heaping pile of crap. When that happens to other people, we say well-meaning things like “rainbows follow the rain”, because we love our friends and care about them and don’t know what else to say.

We click LIKE and SHARE on those pretty infographic quotes. Guilty. I love these too!

How do you respond when the Universe calls your name?

The people I admire most will smile in the rain. They don’t hope the sunshine follows the rain. They BELIEVE IT.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: R. Shayesrehpour

Thank You, Good Morning

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Unsplash

Be 100 Percent

If you agree with quotes from famous people like former newsman Sam Donaldson, the great basketball player Larry Bird and actor Will Smith, to name a few, winners give 110 percent.

Which makes the rest of us who only give 100 percent what? Losers? Slackers?

Let’s call us “realistic achievers”– hard workers who give everything they’ve got, 100%, to their professional work, family, sport, passion, recreation, etc.

“But my observation has been, certainly in the news business, you’ve got to give 110 percent.”

SAM DONALDSON, newsman

Is it fair to chastise an Olympic sprint runner who finishes in second place and point to his giving only 100 percent effort as the cause? No. It’s stupid.

To win a Silver Medal or (gasp) Bronze and call the effort less than best, only diminishes the blood, sweat and tears of a highly motivated achiever. After years of body conditioning, elite level training plus personal sacrifices, I’d say anyone who’s made it to the Olympics gave every ounce of their human potential to their performance.

“You never make any of the shots you never take. 87% of the ones you do take, you’ll miss too. I make 110% of my shots.”

LARRY BIRD, Hall of Fame Basketball Player

For argument’s sake let’s call “Give 110%” just a figure of speech. You gave everything, and a little bit more, something extra. But that extra 1 percent, or 10 percent if you insist, is not measurable. It’s a fluff term.

“If you’re not willing to work hard, let someone else do it. I’d rather be with someone who does a horrible job, but gives 110% than with someone who does a good job and gives 60%.”

WILL SMITH, actor

Consider the the story of Langston Coleman who gave 100 percent to his dream of becoming a college football player. A tough, African-American kid from the slums of Washington, D.C., in 1963 Coleman hitchhiked to the University of Nebraska. He “walked-on” at football practice hoping to make the Husker football team. His efforts were rewarded with a scholarship and a position on the squad. Coleman went on to become one of the most legendary recruits for the Nebraska Huskers.

“Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.”

LANGSTON COLEMAN

Saying you give 110 percent is a joke. It’s 100 percent impossible to give more than you have….

Click To Tweet

Can we let this silly quote go once and for all? Anyone who demands of their team or employees to give 110 percent most likely flunked math class.

“All I ever wanted really, and continue to want out of this life, is to give 100 percent to whatever I’m doing and to be committed to whatever I’m doing and then let the results speak for themselves.”

JACKIE JOYNER-KERSEE, Olympic Gold, Silver and Bronze Medalist

It’s not a case of winners versus losers, World Champ versus Runner Up. Effort is what matters. Your absolute best is your 100 percent. A totally achievable, noble goal. Go and do that.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Sources: Langston Coleman
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Dare To Be Different

We label people as “different” or “weird” or “strange” or “an odd duck” when we describe an individual who is far away from our belief of “normal”.

What is normal?

A conformist?

A rule player?

Someone who looks and behaves exactly like us?

Can’t we be good citizens, productive workers and still be different?

I’ve always liked the term “free spirit” (in the positive context) to define individuals who dance to their own drum. This person lives in harmony with themselves, Mother Nature and without treading on other people’s weirdness. Sign me up.

As a teenager I went braless because I was a teenager, and honestly there wasn’t much that needed support. A pink t-shirt I wore printed in gold lettering was a public testament to my personal freedom. (I’ll never forget) it said: The Itty Bitty Titty Committy. Funny then. Cringe-worthy today.

The 70s hippie crowd, my generation, plastered the country with demonstrations of free love, drugs, and to this day, the best rock music ever made by a slew of musicians and artists who dared to be different.

We were anti-this and pro-that in the face of “the man”. We thought we were cool.

Hairstyles were long and stringy. Fashion styles ranged from jazzy prints, denim, go-go boots to the beginnings of preppy, non-hippie (men wearing matching pastel sweaters and socks) and the two didn’t meet in the middle. I chose the former; bell-bottoms with thick embroidered bands sewn on the bottom, peasant shirts and halter tops that drove my parents’ generation crazy. We were different. And I didn’t care.

Truthfully I was a fringe partner of my generation. More a middle of the road, closet non-conformist who loved the style than a true card carrying hippie. I did well in school, played by the rules and despite the veil of hippie, honored my parents’ values. I did my own thing for sure, but once the 70s moved into the 80s my perspective on being different shifted. The 80s matured me.

I wore a bra every day. My judgment of others became a live and let live attitude of peace and love. As a homeowner and parent, I had mediocre tolerance and success with heavy metal and big hair, but also silently cheered those who lived by their light. Different is still different and that’s okay with me.

Imaginative and creative people are different than logic driven types. Perceived as aloof or introspective, detached or (yikes) insane, those are the very people “normal” society looks to for innovative advances and artistic expression.

Putting aside the true psychotic personalities out there, the certifiably different, the free spirit types spread their vibe just by being present. The hip and trendy cycle repeats itself with each generation. New styles, music, opinions, fights to fight, causes to defend. Most people evolve and change, perhaps substituting one oddness for another quirk, while others get stuck. There’s plenty of leftover hippies tripping in the 70s man.

Before we label each other, we need to understand it’s our differences that make us unique. I’m cool with that.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Images: Bird in flight/Breano Machado/Unsplash; Hippy Town/Pixaby

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