Some things in this life we cannot change. And no amount of wailing or whining helps, regardless of how Oscar-worthy our performance. Blaming our circumstances as the reason we can’t or don’t move forward is an excuse.
“David,” the son of alcoholic parents was tossed around the foster care system with two younger siblings until he ran away for good at sixteen. One foster family changed his name to “Michael” because they had a son by the same name.
Despite David’s troubled childhood he went on to have an honorable life with a wife and family. Sadly, his brother and sister died young from substance abuse. David was able to reconcile with his elderly and ill father in time to mend some wounds before his death.
What separated David from his siblings? Why did he fare better?
In his own words, he “made different choices.” He couldn’t change the circumstances of his upbringing, he said. Water under the bridge. But he sure as hell needn’t let his future be controlled by his past.
Whether he was aware or not, David committed to specific tactics that changed his life. Here are few —
8 Ways to Shift Your Circumstances:
1.Let those people go
People rank high on this list. If they’re messing with you, do your very best to cut them off, wave sayonara, send them light and love and kick them the f*ck out of your life once and for all.
2. Take this job and shove it
Ditto for a job or boss who doesn’t honor your time or talents or plain out makes you miserable. You need employment for many years to pay-to-play in this world. Find something that you’ll happily trade your precious time for a paycheck. And for someone who will value your contributions, and reward you. Or do it yourself.
“Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him.” – Wayne Dwyer
3. Engage socially
Call on your tribe. Hang out with the right people, those who will support and share your ideas and ideals. Join groups or organizations that feed your mind and soul, if that’s what it takes. Often our circumstances will change based on the company we keep.
4. Big changes need big action
We know the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result. If it’s a big change in your circumstances you want to make, you’ll need to take some big and ballsy actions. Step out of your comfort zone. Stick all your fears in your back pocket and take them along. Be brave.
“Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.” — Nido Qubein
5. Go back to your childhood
Think back to when you were young. What made you laugh and happy when you were playing? You probably played OUTSIDE even in the rain. For hours and hours. You lost track of time building a “jigger” (go-cart), ice-skating, playing sandlot baseball or domestic bliss with your Easy Bake Oven. Play again. Get lost in the day again. Be childlike not childish.
6. Accept what is truly out of your control
Besides crooked front teeth or tropical storms, there are times when life’s unfortunate circumstances can feel as if darts have been hurled in our direction. We escape as best we can using every resource and tool we possess. Still, even with all our hard core training, awards, college degrees and adult smarts, there are days when life is a slow trudge through the mud. You just do the best you can.
“You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
7. Practice Gratitude
Nothing pushes the woe-is-me off the wall like making a list of blessings in your life. From a roof over your head to a working bladder, giving a shout-out to the Universe for what you DO have is a humbling exercise. It’s not a bad plan to make a short list every day before your feet hit the worn carpet that you’re also grateful for.
8. Get Quiet
Take a walk. Read a book. Meditate. Pray. Whatever works to calm your breathing and put your mind in park. Call it returning to center. Focus. Give it a name if you must as long as the result is a peaceful state of rest.
Back to “David” for a minute.
A tough childhood may have explained his behavioral issues as a teenager or his hardened opinion on what makes a healthy family. But at some point in his life he let the swan sing its song. No lying…he needed to get tough on himself and fight through a lot of hurt and anger. He chose who he wanted to become. The result was, for him, a happy life.
When it comes to coping and/or outwitting the less tragic circumstances, be more strategic. (Note: Of course Big Shit circumstances require more time and more than a few boxes of Band-Aids to fix.)
There’s no magic potion or quick fix being offered here. Old-fashion grit and tenacity, and a willing spirit, can put the odds in your favor to shift your circumstances. Not to just survive but thrive.
Notes from me to you:
What are some of the ways you’ve tried in the past to shift your circumstances?
Please comment below. Your insights and tips will help other people.
BE F*CKING AWESOME TODAY!
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Original graphic & quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
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