Acceptance Archives - Page 8 of 9 - Stephanie DelTorchio

Real Life Moves Up and Down

What if life moved in a straight line, like a train, traveling from Point A to Point B, with its predictable stops and familiar co-riders? Along with our nicely printed schedules, each stop highlighted in a different color, we know the route in advance. Every station looks similar enough to keep us from becoming lost and confused in the rush of traffic.

We jump off whenever we wish, to see the sites, go to work, have lunch at the café with friends and head on to the next point of interest. You take your time; no hurry, no worry. The last train stop is the end your life. It’s all vacation-like. Very civilized and hassle-free.

And for someone who appreciates peace and order, this planned out idea suits me fine.

I’d like to add one more thing to my neat and regimented world. One hundred guaranteed healthy years on Earth, and a written plan to move through life quietly and gracefully. Where do I sign up? This boring world exists in my delusional mind where everything has a place and there’s a reason for everything. I’m a bit of an organizer, a tad O.C.D. (according to some people) and unless you represent the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes, please don’t surprise me.

But life is a crapshoot.

Sometimes the train derails, or temporarily loses power. We sit in the dark waiting calmly to be rescued, or panic, crawling over people in a fight to find our way towards the nearest exit.

We intellectualize the need to prepare for the unknown. With one year as a Girl Scout, I’m hardly McGyver material. The only reason you’d want to be stranded with me on a dessert island is because I always bring extra toilet paper.

We have no idea and no guarantee how many years we get to stay here on this silly planet and we can never predict in which direction our life will go. Here’s something I know for certain: It ain’t going in a straight line. More like ziggy-zaggy, back and forth, one step forward and two back — here’s a patch of quicksand and oops, a steep waterfall you never saw coming.

Life has a way of throwing shit at you like you’re in the center of some demented dodge ball game. The minute you duck from being bonked in the head, you get creamed in the rear. While someone runs to fetch a ball you get a breather, but it’s not long before someone else chucks one at your gut and knocks the wind out of you.

There are years in life that seem to go smoothly. Other years you can’t buy a prayer or catch a break. You spend too much time on your knees pleading for answers and begging for forgiveness.

For the majority of our life we do nothing more than survive Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday to get a Saturday and Sunday time-out only to start the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday all over again. You blink and twenty years goes by. And you start to wonder when was it exactly that you nodded off and slept on the train as all those stops passed by.

With the roller coaster that is this life some seriously cool and amazing things can happen. The best you can do is hold on to your hat, strap yourself in, buy a ticket and enjoy the ride. Because if you want a slow and predictable life, well my friends, you’ve come to the wrong carnival.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Courtesy Mark Asthoff

Be Sexy in the Mirror

We joke about bad hair days, fat days and sagging skin. No matter our age, despite how informed we are about touch-up, Photoshop and air-brushing, we still compare ourselves to what we see in magazines. Can we stop this, please?

We’re intelligent and smart enough to at least judge ourselves with people who graduated in the same decade as us. “She’s a few years younger, but looks great for someone voted Most Likely To Grow Saddlebags,” we say, and then check the mirror to compare hairlines and underarm flaps. Yeah, let’s stop doing that, too.

Face it, by the time our 40s come around, it’s best to make peace with Mother Nature. Graying hair, wrinkles and boob slump? Signs you’ve weathered the storm and arrived to the other side. And the soft belly that refuses to budge no matter how many Zumba classes we take or miracle green shakes we choke down? Not much defense against binge watching Making A Murderer or downing a sleeve of Oreos (with the green shake).

To combat the aging process, we’ll try another lotion or potion; sure this one is the Holy Grail. After all it’s endorsed by a celebrity and she looks ageless! We try it for a week, look in the magic mirror and over-analyze the results. Disappointment usually follows.

I’m all for slowing things down and keeping things in place.

I once tried a Miracle Undergarment that promised to contain, lift and shape what time had undone naturally. The thing cut off blood flow from under my rib cage to my thighs. All this torture to fit into a really beautiful dress two sizes too small. Okay, it was on sale. There wasn’t another in my size and I truly believed I’d lose the ten pounds before the event. Can I get an Amen Sistah?

When I ordered a Champagne cocktail, the bartender asked if I needed a paramedic. “You’re very pale,” he said, “and you’re winded. Can you breathe okay?”

No asshole I can’t. I’m too busy trying to impress everybody with my old lady figure jammed into a straight jacket. If he offered a pair of scissors I’d have cut the thing off right in front of him.

What happened to the days when everything stayed tight and perky in place without help? Time happened. I understand a loose wrapping comes with the territory, and I’m burning daylight by obsessing over it. Enough.

Swap out the negative words to describe your beautiful aging body. Giggle and sway. Grunt when you pick something off the floor and groan when you manage to stand back up.

We are distinguished, silver foxes with mature figures. Check that out in the mirror. It’s the sexy look all the secure, sophisticated and accomplished women (and men) are wearing these days.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Courtesy: Marta Powlik

Quit

Let’s assume you were all Gung Ho to start a house project, a new business, to write a book, an extreme exercise program, etc. You got up early every day, couldn’t wait to get to it. This went on for a few days, weeks, or months.

One day, your interest wasn’t there anymore. So you went on to something else. And something else, and something else. I’m guilty. There are multiple DIY projects scattered around my house in various stages of completion. I don’t consider myself a quitter. I prefer multipreneur without boundaries!

During my years publishing a small community newspaper, a dear friend hand wrote this note for me: “It takes no talent to quit”. For probably twenty years it hung on the wall behind my desk as a reminder that starting something required a commitment. And if I planned to quit because things got hard or didn’t work out how I’d planned, perhaps I shouldn’t start at all. The note seemed to wag its finger every time I wanted to quit the very thing I couldn’t wait to start.

But here’s the thing. Of course if were easy everyone would do it. You may be so close to success you can practically taste victory. People may be on your back or talking behind it, analyzing and criticizing, not understanding why you started this thing in the first place.

Sometimes to bridge the gap between beginning to end you need to fight through the hard times.

This is true whether it’s related to your work or it’s, as they say, personal. Whatever you started may (or not) have a natural course and suffer a natural death, outside your control. Beyond those, you are the driving force of your success.

To keep from becoming a serial starter of projects and finisher of none, give yourself a private pep talk. Remember what made you so jazzed in the beginning, and why you will beat yourself silly if you quit before reaching a successful outcome.

Today, give some thought to whatever it is you want to quit.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

BeFAT in 2016

Happy New Year 2016!

Dear Friends,

Happy New Year!

Today is our youngest day on Earth.

Digest that for a second.

Because it’s true.

The idea behind BE F.A.T. started as a casual conversation that grew into a simple mantra that freaking changed my perspective on life.

Instead of signing off my emails with ‘Have a nice day’, I started writing: B.A.T. (Be Awesome Today). A friend was having a less than stellar day so I added an extra punch: the ‘F’, which got a laugh. In a skinny obsessed society I hope you get the tongue-in-cheek of BeFAT without being offended.

Which almost happened at a convention when a rather large woman got all in my face and pointed to my name tag. “Explain that.” I’d written my name, drew a smiley face and in big letters, #BeFAT. She Bobbleheaded me as I explained the evolution of BeFAT. Satisfied, she smiled. “Well, that’s f-g awesome.”

When I get pissed off (rare these days) or become impatient (uhm, sometimes) or feel lazy (too often!), this little voice in my head says: “Shut Up!” followed by “BE F.A.T.”

Today I sign off emails and end phone calls with #BeFAT and #FYA (Find Your Awesome).

It’s a short, laser pointed kick-in-the-pants reminder to Be Fucking Awesome Today, before the sand in the hourglass runs out. To appreciate the finite time on this planet and LIVE your life.

Let’s face it: Life is a crap shoot. Any day the knock might come on your door, and just like that, the party is over. You’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen it happen. None of us is special enough to escape the inevitable. But we’re all great, wonderful creatures, special enough to grab this short-term existence by the balls and run with it.

No matter your path in this life you will affect somebody’s life. It might not be big or newsworthy, published or screened. You may not get your name etched in stone on a building (except a headstone!) or have a bridge named after you, but your life matters big time to someone. Enough that you should want to squeeze in as much as you can and love as many people as your humanity is capable of. Even if it’s yourself.

Not sure about you my friends, but there’s lots I want to do before I go TITS UP.

BE F.A.T. forced me to list my blessings, for real this time. To try to make TODAY matter, which is especially hard on days when unpleasant things happen. And if we live long enough, shitty things and sucky people and ugly situations always happen.

The silver-lining, and there’s always one, is the ability to choose to shift our thinking. Make the experience, good or bad, count for something.

Agree to practice less pissing and more praising.

I don’t know much, but trust me on this one: If you let it, BE F.A.T. will become an acronym that haunts you every time you want to hurl something, punch somebody, give in or give up. So basically, it’s your daily reminder to go for it!

Screw the little voice in your head, the naysayers, Debbie Downers, self-loathing talks, man/woman-created obstacles, all the junk, and let this be the time you take a chance on YOU.

Let the little voice call to you, my friend. Be Fucking Awesome Today. And every day.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

#FYA (Find Your Awesome)
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

No Regrets

We’ve all got them. Those pesky shouldda, wouldda, couldda decisions we didn’t make and now regret, or we DID MAKE, and now regret. Can’t win, right?

If there’s time to fix your past regrets, do it before there’s no time. If your regret involves people no longer alive (or worthy of your time), make your peace, wish them well, and move on. Regretting a relationship that’s literally dead helps no one, especially you.

Fix the regrets you’re still hanging on to that matter to you and your happiness.

You get to rewrite the end of your story, remember? You get to decide if the regrets on your list are UNFIXABLE or FIXABLE. If the regret is UNFIXABLE, make amends with this reality. If the regret is FIXABLE, move on it soon.

This is tough for me, too, you guys. After listing twelve regrets, (12!) I settled on my top four. In lieu of New Year’s resolutions, I’m going to tackle my regrets:

1. Losing touch with friends.

Especially former college roommates. We had fun together, thirty years ago, and today we send each other Christmas cards. The saying that we see old friends at weddings and funerals is true, and sad. If you haven’t seen this Christmas commercial yet, please do.

Regret=FIXABLE

2. Not following my gut to become a writer.

Early decisions we make from a place of immaturity, ignorance (lack of knowledge), fear and insecurity perpetuate throughout life. It gets easier to forget we ever had dreams and desires to do something BIG. Our hopes and dreams become burrowed down deep until the weeds grow over and the effort to unearth them becomes moot. That’s when all of the excuses kick up: I can’t. I’m too this. Not that. Etc. Lost time can’t be made up. But age teaches us that time is finite, so as Nike rightly marketed: JUST DO IT!

Regret=UNFIXABLE/FIXABLE

3. Not forgiving people sooner.

I carried anger against people whose opinions and thoughts would never match mine. And today, I’m cool. I’m at peace. Only for a long time I wasn’t. I regret the time I can’t get back. Time I shouldda, wouldda, couldda spent on prosperous ideas, fun projects and new relationships instead of harboring anger.

Regret=UNFIXABLE

4. Traveled more.

I worried about the cost. The dog. The language barrier. Who would water the garden? Silly and totally fixable issues. We throw obstacles in front us that aren’t really obstacles. These are excuses. I had to rely on somebody for help for the dog or the tomato plants, or dip into the “just in case” savings account. My goal now is to travel until I physically can’t. Someone will watch the dog. Someone will water the tomatoes. The rainy day fund will get replenished. And if it rains, I’ll get wet.

Regret=FIXABLE

“Regrets, I had a few.
But then, too few to mention.”*

Here’s hoping the end of your story has few or NO REGRETS!

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

*MY WAY
Songwriters CHILD, DESMOND / STANLEY, PAUL / TURGON, BRUCE
Published by Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC, S D R M, S U I S A, COOPERATIVE SOC. OF MUSIC AUTHORS & PUBLISHERS

Image: New Line Cinema

A Star Is Reborn

Here’s hoping you COLLAPSE and CRUMBLE. In a good way, of course!

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Quit Running The Universe

At some point in your life the Universe seems like the biggest baddest bossman (or bosslady). Overwhelming, unfair, crushing, disappointing. Fear not; the Universe has no idea who it’s dealing with. We’re bigger, badder Star Troopers with juggling abilities! We can wield a sword, tap dance and juggle dozens of balls, at the same time, like forever. And we do it forever.

Until…

Forever gets to be a really long time. We drop one ball. Then another. And another. Nobody can carry the Universe with aplomb. Eventually the Universe Juggler Sword fighter in you gets tired.

And, hey, who assigned you this shitty job in the first place? Or did you volunteer? Why do we do that??

We’re good at it too. Until one day you finally realize controlling the Universe offers no room for growth. Your martyrdom award collection sitting on your credenza, the ones you earned by worry, compromise, and delay of your best self, amount to nothing but dust collectors. You tell people: “See my struggles, my pain, my anxiety and worry.” Yep, there’s an award for that.

The day will surely come when you can’t drag your sorry ass into the “office” one more time. Only drinking lots of alcohol or curling up in a dark room moaning a chorus of Kumbaya seems like the best options. Then you declare the following, as loud and brave as you can (grab an award if it empowers you):

I quit.
I resign.
I give up.
I hereby tender my resignation. I no longer wish to control the Universe.

Tell the Universe you’re 100% on board with handing the reins over to some other sucker. You’re done with headaches, nausea, fatigue and all the rest that make you look ten years older than you should — despite the expensive Hollywood-sanctioned night creams hawked on late-night TV.

Take my desk, and my stapler, the cough drops and chipped coffee mug, all yours.

Parking spot? Done.

Position on the organization chart? Cross me out.

I no longer wish to be in charge. Of anything. Of anyone. Except myself. And that’s going to be challenge enough.

I don’t have all the answers. Okay, maybe I learned one or two things. Use caution here. I’m not sure they’re fact or a figment of my imagination. I have a long-standing history of accepting other people’s bullshit as truth. On second thought, don’t listen to my answers. I don’t know anything. And don’t listen to “them”. They certainly don’t know more than you. They just use really nice wrapping paper.

Rest assured, the Universe will do its thing when we all retire. The sun will rise and set; the oceans will ebb and flow.

I have questions. Lots of them. And since I’ve turned in my badge and locker combination, now is the time to be curious enough to figure out the answers. By myself. For myself.

Maybe it’s time for you to give up Keeper of the Universe and ask your own questions. Be curious enough to explore your life. By all means, I hope you take up juggling.

Forget what I said about not having the answers –just on this one. The Universe will carry on without you.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Chasing Perfection

Achieving perfection is nearly impossible.

The other day I got a hair-brain idea from Pinterest to make scented candles poured in reclaimed mason jars, embellished with rustic details. All the comments made the process seem monkey easy.

Let’s just say I’m satisfied when the day ends and I haven’t totally burned the house down. Note to friends on my holiday candle list: Expect a nice box of packaged chocolates. Perfect!

Being called a perfectionist (which I am kind of when it comes to bathroom cleaning, not candle making) isn’t about things being perfect in your life. It’s the perception that you’ve got it all together and therefore everything in your life must be perfect, which is rarely true.

A social perfectionist yields to external pressure to get everything just right. We can thank Martha Stewart, Pinterest, and every HGTV and Food Channel show host for making us believe a kitchen renovation or the perfect meal can be completed in thirty minutes, with commercial breaks.

Perfectionists cite past mistakes, criticism and expectations from parents, teachers and supervisors for driving their need to perform better than the next guy or gal. In reality nobody’s perfect.

Self perfection is the breed of perfectionists who set their own bar high. They’re motivated to get it right and not make mistakes. They avoid failure by claiming to give 110% and if that doesn’t get the job done they’ll work until the skin on their fingers chafes and bleeds. It’s a never ending treadmill which if unchecked, leads to burnout, or worse. For a perfectionist, at stake is the dissolution of self-esteem.

Supporters of perfectionists see you as someone to emulate which further keeps you motivated to fulfill their perceptions of you. To a perfectionist “average” is a failure.

This perpetuates a cycle of doing for self satisfaction. Nothing is ever good enough, no matter what physical evidence, achievements and accolades a perfectionist earns, they can always do more, be more. Just ask them.

For the rest of us mere mortals, we are unfairly judged by perfectionists. We can’t (please tell them we don’t want to) compete in their arena. For that we are judged as less than.

If perfectionism is unobtainable, is chasing it a bad thing? Absolutely not. I hope my doctors and tax accountants are perfectionists!

But perfectionism is not a badge of honor if it drives you to the point your physical and mental health suffers. That goes double for the non-perfectionists on your candle list.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Tony Wallstrom
Lyrics: Leonard Cohen

Thank You, Good Morning

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Unsplash

Be the Helper

Lip service. We’ve all gotten it. It’s when someone tells us the thing we want to hear and never follows through by actually doing the thing they promised. “Sure I’ll help you move on Saturday.” And then they don’t show up.

Maybe their intentions were honorable and something unforeseeable happened. Tough to believe this, but perh

aps their words were meant to appease us, to shut us up for the moment and shoo us away. In either case we’re disappointed because a couch is really hard to carry up three flights of winding stairs!

In the real world, I call this “The Little Shit”; annoyances and aggravations, the stuff that momentarily pisses us off but we’ll get over. Then there’s what I call “The Big Shit”. Trust me on this one, you’ll know the difference.

When life throws a major curve-ball that hits us like a sucker punch to the soul. Everything we know is turned upside down and our life is thrown into a flux. We’re shocked, paralyzed and suddenly alone, living in a bad B movie. We’ve not prepared for this. Who does?

You’d choose to carry 10,000 smelly couches up three flights of winding stairs if doing so would make the big shit go away.

This is when lip service is harmful.

We must choose to seek out comrades for their wisdom and knowledge and guidance. And accept help.

Whether professionals, friends or complete strangers, we need to hear from The Helpers. They’ve crawled around in the trenches, walked the walk and will show us their battle scars, only to prove by standing in your presence, they’ve survived and so will you.

Call them The Helpers, Angels, God-sends, Blessings, Companions, or Supporters. They will show us the way, the path to healing, from experience. No lip service.

They can’t do the hard work for us. But they will be the solid foundation, the resource we go to over and over.

Whether the eventual outcome is what we hope and pray for, or not, is anybody’s guess. But along the way we’ll have learned some valuable lessons on compassion, love, strength, courage, humility and survival.

And then it’s our turn to be present, hold a hand, bring resources; grab the other end of the smelly couch. No lip service. Be the helper.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Volkan Olmez/Unsplash