4 Words Nobody Uses to Describe You
I might agree with some of the words people use to describe me, but the words I use to describe myself would surprise them. My words are very personal and deeply private. Nobody knows the real me. Do you feel the same way?
The lyrics from Simon & Garfunkel’s song AMERICA, represents the casual presumptions people make based on weak observations, that may, but most probably are not true.
“Playing games with the faces,
she said the man in the gabardine suit
was a spy.” – AMERICA lyrics by Paul Simon
A spy? On a city bus? I suppose anything’s possible.
I have a lovely friend whose identity is more like a bumper sticker than a spy. Unashamed and confident with her position in life, she’ll accept the occasional honks and criticisms in favor of living open and free. Well, that’s how I see her. Her personal truth may be 180 degrees in the other direction.
For years I lived in fear of showing my true self to the world believing I would be judged unworthy, unacceptable, un everything.
On the outside I looked fairly normal. I walked upright and most days managed to speak in complete sentences. But the real me? She hid deep inside, clawing at the surface.
Am I alone in this?
We become great impostors. Adaptable actors in our own life story. From years and years of conditioning we perfect award-worthy performances at hiding and burying shit that hurts. Our growth, pride, security, trust — all of it, tucked down there nice and safe. Whatever has been thrown in our direction we learn to self-protect to ensure it never happens again, damn it.
We’re Shamans of Survival. (BTW, this could be a really cool name for a rock band.)
We change clothes, the car we drive, the zip code where we live, the people we associate with. We slap on a smile and project a persona to the world that is sometimes as far from our true self as the east is from the west. The words we use in public to describe ourselves are called layers, a.k.a Ego. They get piled on top of each other until they protect our truth like a heavy winter coat.
Every living person desires to find the way back to their authentic, true self. If you need professional help to do this, seek that. It’s beyond the scope of this silly blog post to offer any constructive suggestions. I’m just a wandering buffoon trying to get from A to B before I die.
A special note here: If you are a confident, open spirit, with no axe to grind, position to prove, passion to unearth, situation to settle, please move along quietly. There’s nothing here for you folks to see. Leave the rest us alone to work through our personal carnage, and we promise to meet you on the other side at the bar for a drink.
For the rest of us, recognize that we are our greatest opponent. We use negative and self-defeating words to describe our failures, disappointments and missteps. Fair or unfair those labels are projected into the world and used against us.
“They have no idea who I am,” you say? Well maybe we should stop supplying the ammunition.
Speaking for myself, I wondered if finding the right words, the ones nobody would ever use to describe me, might reveal the truth and ultimately bring the joy I so desperately desired. Further, by living those words could I shield myself honorably from whatever the world thought I was or was not? Answer: Uh, yup.
Okay, stay with me. This might be a bit “deep” but if I faced my decades long fears by finding my words I have faith in you too. Only you know your soul.
Challenge yourself to come up with four words (or more).
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You can keep these words private forever or find a way to express them. Whisper to a trusted friend, scribble in a journal, tuck a note into your wallet or favorite book, or carve the words on a tree in the woods where they can no longer hold you prisoner. Try it.
What do you suppose it would feel like if you had the courage to bring those words forward? Not live by the words others use to describe you but by the words you use to describe yourself. I’m spit-balling here, but maybe one of your words is the same as one of mine: “Liberated”. The other three I’m keeping to myself.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio