January 2016 - Be F-g Awesome Today! #BeFAT google4228e52aa5dfebc8.html

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Archive - January 2016

1
4 Words Nobody Uses to Describe You
2
Watch It All For Free
3
Be Serious With Your Talents
4
The Moment Is Now
5
Just Eat It
6
There Is No Perfect Time
7
Be Willing to Go Deeper
8
5 Steps To Start Any Goal
9
Be A Yes Person
10
I Woke Up Today. Did You?

4 Words Nobody Uses to Describe You

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I might agree with some of the words people use to describe me, but the words I use to describe myself would surprise them. My words are very personal and deeply private. Nobody knows the real me. Do you feel the same way?

The lyrics from Simon & Garfunkel’s song AMERICA, represents the casual presumptions people make based on weak observations, that may, but most probably are not true.

“Playing games with the faces,
she said the man in the gabardine suit
was a spy.” – AMERICA lyrics by Paul Simon

A spy? On a city bus? I suppose anything’s possible.

I have a lovely friend whose identity is more like a bumper sticker than a spy.  Unashamed and confident with her position in life, she’ll accept the occasional honks and criticisms in favor of living open and free. Well, that’s how I see her. Her personal truth may be 180 degrees in the other direction.

For years I lived in fear of showing my true self to the world believing I would be judged unworthy, unacceptable, un everything.

On the outside I looked fairly normal. I walked upright and most days managed to speak in complete sentences. But the real me? She hid deep inside, clawing at the surface.

Am I alone in this?

We become great impostors. Adaptable actors in our own life story. From years and years of conditioning we perfect award-worthy performances at hiding and burying shit that hurts.  Our growth, pride, security, trust — all of it, tucked down there nice and safe. Whatever has been thrown in our direction we learn to self-protect to ensure it never happens again, damn it.

We’re Shamans of Survival. (BTW, this could be a really cool name for a rock band.)

We change clothes, the car we drive, the zip code where we live, the people we associate with. We slap on a smile and project a persona to the world that is sometimes as far from our true self as the east is from the west. The words we use in public to describe ourselves are called layers, a.k.a Ego. They get piled on top of each other until they protect our truth like a heavy winter coat.

Every living person desires to find the way back to their authentic, true self. If you need professional help to do this, seek that. It’s beyond the scope of this silly blog post to offer any constructive suggestions. I’m just a wandering buffoon trying to get from A to B before I die.

A special note here: If you are a confident, open spirit, with no axe to grind, position to prove, passion to unearth, situation to settle, please move along quietly. There’s nothing here for you folks to see. Leave the rest us alone to work through our personal carnage, and we promise to meet you on the other side at the bar for a drink.

For the rest of us, recognize that we are our greatest opponent. We use negative and self-defeating words to describe our failures, disappointments and missteps. Fair or unfair those labels are projected into the world and used against us.

“They have no idea who I am,” you say? Well maybe we should stop supplying the ammunition.

Speaking for myself, I wondered if finding the right words, the ones nobody would ever use to describe me, might reveal the truth and ultimately bring the joy I so desperately desired. Further, by living those words could I shield myself honorably from whatever the world thought I was or was not? Answer: Uh, yup.

Okay, stay with me. This might be a bit “deep” but if I faced my decades long fears by finding my words I have faith in you too. Only you know your soul.

Challenge yourself to come up with four words (or more).

“Your WORDS become your WORLD.” Nadeem Kazi

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You can keep these words private forever or find a way to express them. Whisper to a trusted friend, scribble in a journal, tuck a note into your wallet or favorite book, or carve the words on a tree in the woods where they can no longer hold you prisoner. Try it.

What do you suppose it would feel like if you had the courage to bring those words forward? Not live by the words others use to describe you but by the words you use to describe yourself. I’m spit-balling here, but maybe one of your words is the same as one of mine: “Liberated”. The other three I’m keeping to myself.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Watch It All For Free

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My grandmother preached the age-old adage that the best things in life are free. Whenever there was a Full Moon or painted sky she’d call on the phone and beg us to look out the window or go outside to catch the beauty before it disappeared.

Because of her I also learned to appreciate blue hydrangeas in full bloom, the Big, and Little Dipper on a crystal clear night and summer rainbows…

I happily carry on this tradition, often to the annoyance of my family and friends, especially when I instantly text pictures of sun rises, on weekends.

This is the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean today.

Barefoot on the cool deck, from the pre-sun rise until its final ascent above the horizon, I sipped hot coffee and welcomed the morning dew that tickled my toes. The scent of salt filled the air and landed deliciously on my lips. Sea birds danced on the sand to the rhythm of the waves unfazed by the changing sky or my presence.

My camera phone captured a fraction of the sky’s grand display — no justice to the pinks, purples, oranges and reds, and its reflected strokes of color on the water.

The picture is a tiny bit of the whole moment.  When we are present in the moment all of our senses come together for a truly magical experience. All for free.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Image: Stephanie DelTorchio

Be Serious With Your Talents

befat.net/play-on-purpose

Tonight I saw a performance of the musical CATS! at a local theater. While I wouldn’t compare it to the professional troupe at the Winter Garden Theater in NYC, the ensemble talent on this small stage played anything but small. They brought the house down. And for good reason — they were fantastic.

The energy of the performers and musicians, detailed costumes and stage theatrics rivaled any production I’d seen in major city theater where ticket prices can go as high as a Four-Star dinner. From the opening song through the meet and greet outside the theater after the performance, the production was a class act.

And the best part? Everyone connected to the production — performers, musicians, set decorators, seamstresses, lighting and sound technicians, etc. —  is a volunteer. They work as hard as any paid professional, and for the pure pleasure of honoring their individual craft. And they take that pleasure seriously. How cool is that?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

The Moment Is Now

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We can call it fate, chance, luck or coincidence, but something bigger than us created our loveliness with a purpose in mind. There is no question that each of us has been cast as a player in grandest show. Do we play a bit part or a major role? Good question.

Our life is a continuous reel where moments turn into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to years, and years that create a lifetime.

Some moments we wish would move quicker than they do. “Is this sadist done cleaning my teeth?” Other moments, like our growing-up-too-fast children, we wish to slow down and enjoy. And at the beside of a dying loved one we beg and pray for just one more precious moment to say good-bye.

Or the stolen moments we crave with our lovers (ooh…Amore mio).

If only out of regard for those you love, be aware of the ticking clock but do not fear it.

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you were created” is a Biblical quote (Esther 4:14) that I use here in a more modern interpretation.

If you fail to speak up, take advantage of opportunities and lucky breaks, use your abilities to improve your position, do whatever your “thing” is, the moment intended for you will pass by like “magic in the moonlight”*.

If through any of your senses you receive a small nugget of something that speaks to you, do something. Take risks. Be present to embrace it whether it whispers or knocks you over. Be opportunistic –- the good kind, please.

“Today is the tomorrow you planned yesterday.”

Here’s the truth: We don’t know anything. This life is a total crapshoot. One day we’re skipping and dancing, fat with time on our hands and more to spare. And just like that, poof, it’s gone.

Our contract with the Universe is to wake up each day and do our very best to survive to the next day. And if we keep our chins up and our eyes open we just might hear the tapping on our window — the moment that is meant for nobody but us.

And will there be others if you miss the moment? I hope so. But there is no looking back in time for the ones that got away.

It’s up to you to make your time work. Stay alert and curious about your surroundings. Always be aware that a bigger role will present itself to you at any moment.

The question is: Will the moment seize you, or will you seize the moment?

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

*”Is there enough magic in the moonlight?” quote from the movie, Field of Dreams.

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Pixabay

Just Eat It

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In the last few years I’ve adopted a “clean and green” eating philosophy. The Magic Bullet (a blender on steroids) is my newest best friend. I swear this thing will take auto parts and puree them into a drinkable smoothie.

I take a lot of shit (read this: friendly ribbing) from my closest allies for nixing a hunk of Prime Rib for a salad or a plate of bacon, eggs and homefries for a smooth drink which tastes, and smells, like freshly mowed grass. Truth be told, the SMELL of their meals is way more appetizing, and from what I remember, tastes amazing too.

But every once in a while I choose to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever my eyes see. This is hands down something sweet. It’s when I cross into Sugar and Butter Land with two spoons.

A hot fudge sundae. Not some fake frozen yogurt or tofutti substitute. No-no. Real high butterfat ICE-CREAM made with fresh cream from Vermont cows. Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia will do, thank you very much. And I won’t shy away from smooth, creamy, dense hazelnut Gelato — People, this is frozen orgasm in a bowl. Sweet Mother of Jesus! Pour on the deepest darkest, diabetic coma inducing hot fudge sauce. Add the whipped cream, chopped nuts and put the friggin’ cherry on the top. I’m going in all the way.

This is true BeFAT living, my green and carnivorous friends. Our lives are too short to be bound by a strict philosophy of any kind. Loosen up your belt, splurge, and eat the damn chocolate.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

There Is No Perfect Time

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One day you look in the mirror and see this older person, a version of your younger self to be sure, and you wonder where all the years went.

Are there dreams and goals you entertained but never explored? How much time is left for you to make those a reality? If you are reading this, there’s some good news to share. You have time today to make it happen.

Time in the real world

There are 86,400 seconds in a day. Be aware of the clock, my friend, but don’t fear it. Hear the tick-tick as it passes by and honor it.

The Universe is in constant motion and we have two options when it comes to chasing that goal.

  1. Remain stagnant and have the universal energy move you about randomly like space junk (passive life).
  2. Grab on and ride with it to the end of your time (engaged life).

Roadblocks and excuses

We humans are good at stunting our own growth. Whether it’s something internal such as fear or doubt or some other enemy within, as we get older we subscribe to the all or nothing theory.

Excuses are easy to fabricate. You can probably list a dozen very valid reasons for not going after your goal.

  • It’s too late for me.
  • I have a bum knee.
  • I lack the skills.
  • It will take 10 years to get that degree.
  • They are hiring younger people.
  • I’m weak in math (hee-hee).
  • I lack the right connections.

Ad naseum.

Excuses are dream killers. Period. #BeFAT

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Welcome to the comfort zone

Truth is, we settle in and get comfortable with routine. We run our lives mostly on auto-pilot and it works just fine, thank you. About dreams and goals, we even say things like “I’ll do it in my next life.” Are we sure about that one?

Manage the time

It doesn’t matter if you are twenty years old or sixty. You must make the time to chase your goal.

Create your own opportunities by becoming engaged and available. Move around physically and mentally. Relationships are not cultivated by sitting on the couch, unless you’re some online weirdo, and that’s not the way to spend your time. Just saying.

Be willing to change and adjust what you are doing right now to open up pockets of time for what you want to accomplish.

Lifelong dream fuels rocket man’s launch

Every moment you excuse, delay or defer, or whatever you want to call putting your goal or dream on hold, the tick-tick gets louder.

Waiting: like watching grass grow

You may wait forever for the ‘right time’ and that’s a long time, because here’s a news flash: There is no right time. Your standing around waiting for a bolt of lightning or an engraved invitation will surely lead to regrets when these fail to deliver.

Look for perfect moments

However, this crazy Universe is full of hints and whispers, all vying for your attention to get the ball rolling. Use a moment or a glimpse of something to step out.

Happy Outcome

What happens when you take the leap and follow whatever that thing is? You may surprise yourself.

Instead of holding back, have faith (and the balls) to step out and swing for the bleachers. You may discover hidden talents or natural abilities you never knew were in you.

A funny thing happens when you stop worrying about the time you have left in the world and start reaching for your goal a little bit every day. You’ll trip over opportunities and find new directions. People become drawn to you and lend a hand in helping you achieve your goals.

In seventh grade science class we all learned Newton’s Law of Motion (there were 3, science techies): A body in motion tends to stay in motion. I got a B in Science so go with this general definition, okay guys?

Explanation of time

I had a professor whose daughter was about to turn five. She haunted him and his wife all day, every day, about her upcoming birthday. This pending event consumed her every waking moment.

“Is it today? Is it today?”

Little kids have no real concept or context of time. The professor explained that in his daughter’s limited world view this birthday year accounted for one-fifth of her life. This explained his daughter’s impatience and excitement. There wasn’t a lot else going on in her life to keep the birthday event in check as compared to his world.

Depending on your age, this year will account for a fraction of your total life, too. The older you get, the smaller the fraction. Doesn’t your birthday seem to arrive quicker each year?

Make peace with time. There’s only so much of it, and the big question of ‘how much’ can’t be answered.

It’s best to acknowledge the limitation of time you have to pursue and conquer your goals rather than worry or wallow on how little time may or may not be in your future.

Lastly, if you’ve never seen or heard this video, you MUST watch Les Brown’s killer motivational speech (6:11). In it he says these words that should shake you to your core:

“When you are not pursuing your goal, you are literally committing spiritual suicide.” Les Brown.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Be Willing to Go Deeper

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There’s a difference between scratching at the surface of something and going deeper.

To scratch the surface is to tease the beginning. It’s where new ideas are unearthed, potential is exposed, and interest is piqued.

Then what? You go below the surface, dive in a little deeper. Your world begins to quiet and focus. ‘Aha’ moments are experienced. Possibilities are considered and weighed. Anticipation builds.

But when you commit to diving in deep, well, that’s where gems are discovered and brought back to the surface.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

5 Steps To Start Any Goal

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No matter what you want to accomplish — improve your job, start a business, lose twenty pounds, remodel your kitchen, run a marathon — you need to start somewhere.

I’m a visual learner, meaning having tangible objects, images and lists, help me stay organized and learn new concepts. Most of my writing starts as messy scribbles on paper. Main ideas get transferred to index cards and then tacked on the walls in some order that is easily rearranged — you should see my walls!

What follows is a suggestion to a process that works (most times) for me and is applicable to starting most goals:

1. Try mind mapping.

A mind map is a diagram used to visually organize information. In the center of a blank page, write your goal. Draw lines from the goal to other ideas that relate to the main goal, such as images, words and ideas. Major ideas are connected directly to the goal, and other ideas branch out from those. Scribble whatever ideas come to mind. Note: The result should be a mess!

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Mind map of this blog post

2. Take small bites.

I’m a big believer in breaking big ideas into manageable chunks. Whether you use mind mapping or other organizational methods, write out the steps needed to get you from beginning to end. For mind mapping I’ll underline or circle major ideas and then branch off those with details. Clean up your map into something legible, and usable. Tackle one major idea or step at a time. Hint: Consider starting with the hardest one first.

3. Work your plan.

Follow your steps. If you mess up, so what. It’s not the end of your goal. Start again until you’re happy with the progress and move on.  Running a marathon takes training and conditioning. Remodeling a bathroom or starting a business have their own steps from beginning to using the multi-head shower or flipping around the ‘Open’ sign. Stick to your plan and adjust as necessary.

People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of. ~Paulo Coelho

4. Keep a journal of your progress.

This isn’t a new concept. When I write things down they become real. If your plan is to lose twenty pounds, write down everything you eat and all the exercises you do. Having the facts in your face is often motivator enough to stay on track, and keep you out of the refrigerator.

5. Visualize the end.

Tack up images of what you wish to accomplish. Cooking in your new kitchen, crossing the finish line, fitting into your skinny jeans. Put them in a place you’ll see during the day.

You don’t need to create a lovely “Dream Board” or write a “Wish List” in colorful markers. Put up a “Finally Fucking Doing It” billboard.

Don’t get discouraged. False starts are better than no starts. It’s reasonable to assume you won’t win or succeed right out of the shoot. Anything worth your doing will inevitably face many stops, resets and restarts. This is the way to learn and improve.

Only you will hold you back for another year.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

Be A Yes Person

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Life is a series of questions and answers. Situations arise. Decisions must be made. Problems need solutions. People show up with their wants, wishes and demands, looking to you for answers.

There are three possible responses when questions come a-knocking at your door:

  1. Yes
  2. No
  3. Maybe

Or possibly, “Uh, I don’t know.”

Let’s be clear up front. Saying ‘yes’ all the time (when your gut tells you to say ‘no’) is called being a doormat. Don’t be a doormat.

When we say ‘maybe’ we mean ‘no’ so just say that. Anyone who grew up with a parent knows how this works.

When it’s right for you to do so (and you’ll know) say ‘yes’ with a full heart. Then be a friend. A helper. Supporter. Cheerleader. A shoulder to lean on.

Don’t say ‘yes’ and later phone everybody under the sun to complain. Don’t play the martyr card. It’s unattractive and tiring.

Question why you say ‘yes’ in the first place.

Is it to go along with the crowd? To appease someone’s agenda?

Consider answering differently if saying ‘yes’ doesn’t make you feel better or serve a higher purpose. I’ve found being upfront and honest is best — thanks, Mom.

Saying “I’m sorry, I can’t at this time” is your out. This lets the person know that the timing is wrong on this one but there will be other times when you will wholeheartedly say ‘yes’.

Be aware of instances that arise when your saying ‘yes‘ is the most perfect response for you.  When this happens there’s a good chance you’ll invite in opportunities for personal growth.

Say ‘yes’ to what attracts you. People, travel, diet and exercise plans  — you know you should. And for God’s sake, hold up the style magazine and say ‘yes’ to a trusted hairstylist! (This is for me).

Say ‘yes’ to change. Whether for an advancement in employment, move to a new house or city, trust to begin a relationship, etc.; or say ‘yes’ to finally let go -– to grief, fear, uncertainty, loneliness, doubt, self-destruction.

Say ‘yes’ to whatever speaks to you. You might need to move out of your safety zone but you know deep inside this is the time to move ahead with that “thing”.

On a divine level,  as we practice internal “yeses” we deepen our connections to other humans.

When we say ‘yes’ to patience, we become patient.

When we say ‘yes’ to tolerance, we become tolerant.

When we say ‘yes’ to kindness, we become kind.

And so on…

Unfortunately, although ‘yes’ sounds positive, many times it feels crushingly painful.

Yes, please take my child and put him in rehab for the fourth time.

Yes, please honor my mother’s wishes and remove the life support.

Yes, I agree this marriage is irreconcilable.

Oftentimes difficult situations are already present. Our resistance to them cannot alter the reality. Saying ‘no’ when the right thing to do is say ‘yes’ will never be easy.

No matter the circumstances, saying ‘yes’ is a chance to re-direct and re-frame your perspective based on personal experiences and observances. Choose to say ‘yes’ when it serves in the best interest of you and your entire world. The rest of the time the answer is ‘no’.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

I Woke Up Today. Did You?

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I woke up. Thank you for an  awesome way to start the day.

The sun streamed in the window and practically blinded me. Thank you for my sight.

The salty ocean air reminded me how much I love salted caramels. Thank you for my sense of smell (and taste).

The chill from the toilet seat is a rude way to start the morning. Thank you for my sense of touch.

The damn alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. because I forgot to reset it. Thank you for my sense of hearing.

The coffee was cold by the time I got to drink it. Thank you for my sense of taste.

When these blessings are counted, how can we not drop to our knees, give thanks and be grateful for this day?

Make it a f-g awesome one, okay you guys? Tomorrow we might not be so lucky to have any senses at all. Now if I can only remember where the hell I put my reading glasses.

BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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