At some point in life maybe you’ve either been a control freak or have come across this breed of human — a supercharged ego who dictates how things are to be done. control freaks inspirational motivational

You know the type.

They can’t quite let anyone else do anything because they’re better, smarter, stronger, more capable…the list of their superiority is never-ending. Just ask them.

Growing up we called my father a little dictator (control freak), behind his back of course.

In his defense, he dealt every day with a gaggle of kids in a tiny house, sort of like a pilot cooped up in a plane at 30,000 feet…no where to go, no lock on the cockpit door, and hearing from the flight attendant that there’s a riot in 27B because somebody just took the last snack box.

My experience has shown these freaks crave control like a street drug. Often obsessive, angry, phobic and mood-swingy men and women, you’re never sure exactly what will set them off.

Not the kind of people you want to challenge to a game of, say, Monopoly.

My father was always “The Bank” because apparently none of his children owned enough toes to give the correct change. During a good game he’d buy up the majority of properties and grin over his stack of $500 bills. When he was on the verge of losing (to a kid who owned Park Place AND Boardwalk WITH hotels) the game board and pieces suddenly were overtaken by a rogue tornado.

They are gloating winners. And worse, poor losers. control freaks inspirational motivational

Getting older didn’t make dealing with control freaks any easier.

Towards the end of a contract job, after spending months dealing daily with a longtime card carrying member of the control freak club, I began to treat each day as if I were a contestant on a game show. It made the finale bearable and mildly entertaining.

“Welcome to the show…who is the guest host today?” I’d say this to myself before entering the building because I never knew which personality disorder would show up.

My supervisor had given me a lengthy to-do list. When I presented the finished product, along with the checked off list, he meticulously reviewed it in front of me. Then I was asked whether I’d completed a task NOT ON THE LIST.

“Never mind. I’ll do it myself,” he said and walked away.

At that moment I felt like I’d landed in JAIL. Do not pass GO. Do not collect your $200.

Psychologists, I’m guessing, have had a field day studying the control freak personality. No matter the psychological or chemical imbalances, their explanations do nothing to help we mortals to fend off the”crazies”.

Control freaks can’t admit they’ve done anything wrong. Ever.

They’re often delusional. Think: The Emperor’s New Clothes.

They’re zealots.

They’re humorless.

But as long as they stay far, far away, it’s rather amusing to watch them self-destruct.

When they do, they’ll point to everybody else in the room because control freaks don’t make mistakes. Or accept responsibility, unless they’ve stopped a tornado in its tracks. And they’ll hold a company-wide meeting or press conference to tell you how great they handled the situation.

We’ve all heard the lines:

“It’s a good thing I’m here to make this place run.”

Yes, it must be a tough burden to carry a building, a country or an ego that large.

“I will do it myself because everybody here is incompetent.”

If this isn’t said out loud, it’s pretty clear by the eye stares and the stupid notes they write, who’s the truly incompetent party.

“I’m the best there is at this (or that).” control freaks inspirational motivational

When you’re the best, it’s clear I can’t compete with this (or that). So I won’t (or don’t).

It’s funny to be around a control freak when so much of life is clearly out of anyone’s control. The next time one of them stops a tsunami or produces a correct drive thru order, I’ll be first in line to kiss feet.

I’m sure there are ways to combat these people but it’s a futile effort and I’m too tired to try.

I spent years as one myself. Mostly in my home. Because I did EVERYTHING better than everybody. Actually, I did everything. Not better. I just did it. The laundry, the dishes, food shopping, doggie duty…it’s what mothers do, right? So for brief periods in life being a control freak makes the system work. For real.

If a control freak can get to the point of giving up control, their life would become much calmer, at least for the people within hearing range. But calm seems to be the anti-thesis of their existence. Creating chaos and controlling that chaos is how they earn their stripes.

Hey control freaks, guess what?

If you don’t do it someone else will.

Maybe not like you.

Maybe better.

Until then, clear the runway folks. It’s going to be a bumpy landing.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

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Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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