Be F-ing Awesome Today | Page 4 of 49 |No B.S. Inspiration & Motivation for Time-Crunched Humans google4228e52aa5dfebc8.html
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3 Ways To Deal With Criticism (The Last One Is The Bomb)
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Stupid Is The New Smart When You’re Stuck
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FAQs And The Answers
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Life Should Be An Adventure
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A Reason To Look Up
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We’re All A Bunch Of Newbies With A Beginner’s Mind
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11 Motivational Quotes That Will Make You Smile On A Monday
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Why Happily Ever After Is Irrational
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Meet Your Childhood Self, Then Beat Her To A Pulp
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The Power of Desire

3 Ways To Deal With Criticism (The Last One Is The Bomb)

“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

You’ve been on the receiving end of a critical attack, how many times?

You know what I mean.

Those unwarranted, unwelcome, perhaps unprovoked sharp little darts that sting like hell. You suffer silently, or worse, the attack plays out on social media. You scream inwardly or from the rooftops or volley back online in a virtual pissing contest. “It’s not true!” “It’s not fair!” “You suck!”

It doesn’t matter if you’re famous, infamous or neither. Sooner or later everyone ends up on the losing end of a smear campaign. Your face might not grace The National Enquirer cover (thank God for small favors) but in your immediate world, private or public exposure hurts just the same.

The problem is that you don’t have a high-priced P.R. team to launch a counter-attack. No press conferences in your defense to set the record straight.

Nope. You must go this alone.

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Stupid Is The New Smart When You’re Stuck

Funny quote on being smart and stupid.jpg

Being stupid is the lowest point on the learning curve to becoming smart. The line begins to move up when you decide to embrace T.I.M.E.* and do something ‘stupid’ — despite your situation, the naysayers, and a host of other roadblocks.

Not knowing how to do something is often the first obstacle keeping you stuck in neutral.  Seems logical. How do you move ahead when you haven’t got a freakin’ clue which direction to turn?

Answer: You step out in ANY DIRECTION and try.

Of course it’s hard. And scary. And because it’s foreign and goes against your hunky dory lifestyle, it feels “stupid”.

Maybe everything you’ve done up to this point in life worked fine. Then something happened that rocked your world in a not-so-nice way making you question everything you believed in. Sucked your worth and value, reducing your previous accomplishments and contributions to a footnote.

You say some version of:

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FAQs And The Answers

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Over the years I’ve received lots of questions about me and my blog writings. I get some nice, and some weird ones. Some I really had to think about and others left me scratching my head.

Since you asked, here goes:

Is this blog your personal journey to enlightenment?

Truthfully, somedays I’m okay with finding a matching pair of socks.

I don’t get the blog name BeFAT. I’m insulted.

It’s a simple acronym that packs a wallop. It means to seize the heck out of THIS DAY, in spite of all the crap you’ve been through. One life. One time to do this. Don’t waste it. (Please read how BeFAT got its start)

I’ve had people of all shapes and sizes fight me on this…to NOT change the name of this blog, and trust me I have a long list of better names.

Here’s a little bit of tough love…

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Life Should Be An Adventure

Helen Keller quote life adventure.jpg Life is an adventure, if you treat it that way.

Christopher Columbus,  Ferdinand Magellan, Neil Armstrong — we think of these men in history as the ultimate explorers and conquerors of oceans, new worlds, space. But do we really need to set sail across an unknown ocean in a rickety boat or thrust into space on (the equivalent of) a bomb to be adventurers?

I think not.

Adventures and new discoveries are all around. And much safer if you’d take the time to look around.

You can play one of two parts: Participant or mere observer. Participants get to tell great tales of their travels, discoveries and gained knowledge. Observers sit on the sidelines and watch the true adventurers pass by. Content to hear second hand what they were too lazy, unwilling or afraid of to try for themselves.

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A Reason To Look Up

Ralph Waldo Emerson quote sorrow fear faith.jpg Of the three feelings — sorrow, fear and faith — only one, faith, takes you in a positive direction.

“Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see…”from Bohemian Rhapsody by QUEEN

Sorrow weighs you down. sorrow fear faith

With sorrow, it’s best to keep the good memories and carry on. Looking back keeps you stuck. Also it will kink your neck and cause you to wander aimlessly into lightposts and such.

Fear paralyzes you and makes you paranoid. sorrow fear faith

There’s the old joke about a woman who feared her house would be broken into at night while she slept. What did she do? She didn’t sleep. For like twenty years. Then one night her husband heard noise downstairs and confronted a burglar. “Thank you,” the husband said. “I’m so glad you’ve finally come. My wife has been waiting for you for twenty years. Maybe now I can get some sleep.”

What you fear will eventually find you.

Faith provides hope and inspiration. sorrow fear faith

We say “keep the faith” and “have faith” when no other option seems worthy. But it’s having faith — in a higher power, your family, your friends, a chance meeting, a new opportunity — which gives us the light to look past sorrow and fear.

Just watch we’re you’re going.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

Other posts you might like:

10 Famous Inspirational Quotes On Fear

From This Day Forward

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We’re All A Bunch Of Newbies With A Beginner’s Mind

beginners mind life buddha zen quote.jpg

NOTE: This is the beginning of a new series I’m calling…WHINE WITH BUDDHA: Searching for the twisted path to enlightenment without a map. beginners mind life

Okay, I’m working on the tag line. Leave your suggestions in the comments. beginners mind life

But you get the idea. We’re all a bunch of screw-ups just trying to get by, to find some meaning in day to day life, and make it to the end before we begin again.

Whenever it appears that the sky is falling down my husband and I say to each other: “This, or something better.” It’s a small statement that goes beyond this too shall pass.

When we learned of his late stage cancer those words became our ‘put up or shut up’ bumper sticker. Our corner of the Earth shook and it sure felt like the world would collapse under our feet. We knew what “this” felt like. And we didn’t like it. “Something better” offered strength and hope. A new beginning.

Life is a funny experiment.

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11 Motivational Quotes That Will Make You Smile On A Monday

funny-motivational-quote-for-Monday.jpgmotivational-funny-quotes

Maybe it starts for you Sunday night. The beginning of a new week is coming and you’re not quite ready for the circus to begin again. That’s cool.

Here are a few motivational and funny quotes that will get your Monday started off with a smile. Enjoy.

1. Be Brave motivational funny quotes

It’s the old fake it to you make it. Even of you’re a vulnerable and small fish, keep your fear below the surface and put on a good show. Be the shark.

motivational-quotes-brave.jpg(Image from funnybeaver.com)

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Why Happily Ever After Is Irrational

happiness-ever-after-quote.jpg Happily ever after is overrated and irrational. Happiness doesn’t come AFTER anything. It’s in the moment of this day. By any measure it’s the only thing you can count on for sure. And it’s all within your reach.

Often happiness is felt at the end of an achievement, say, accepting a diploma, award, climbing a mountain. Or a relationship (hello, Prince Charming.) Sometimes it’s the acquisition of “things” that make us happy — red Ferrari anyone?

These are real moments of happiness, certainly, but the less flashy moments are often the most pure.

A colorful sunset with or without Cabernet. (with)

A summer’s eve breeze against the back of your legs as you walk along the beach.

The small hand of a child enveloped in yours skipping and humming along through freshly mowed grass.

Joy, contentment, a sense of peace and well-being. Happiness.

For you, perhaps happiness is an elusive fantasy. Seemingly the birth right of others but just not you. At least not right now. Maybe you had it once but somewhere it got lost.

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Meet Your Childhood Self, Then Beat Her To A Pulp

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Of course you were clueless. You were a child.

 

Inexperienced. Green. Wet behind the ears.

Whatever it’s called, that period of life before you woke up and made good choices or drifted into adulthood by default, could be called “survivalhood”.

The road from being a know-nothing child to a disgruntled taxpayer is neither straight nor always pleasant. But there should be a point in life where one breaks free from being completely dependent upon adults and starts living as one. In between is where the lines blur.

How many idiotic decisions could have sent you to Heaven long before your twelfth birthday?

If my mother ever had learned…

I climbed three stories up the side of our elementary school on the drain pipes (across the street from home) — to get to the roof.

Swam out into the harbor, way farther than my abilities, to keep up with the boys just to stay included in their circle.

Experimented in high school and college — sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll, y’all — the thoughts of which sicken my adult stomach.

Even though I could read the sign, I skated on thin ice anyway. (Funny, that reference takes on new meaning the older you get.)

Having a neighbor rat me out would have caused my mother to hand deliver my ass to the Pearly Gates.

It’s a miracle we’ve gotten this far. You with me?

Why childhood. Why?

It’s the means to the end. Nothing but an adolescent game of Survivor, where the “island” is your school, neighborhood and family.

Childhood is a molding period of trial and error, spin the bottle and double dog dares.

We form alliances. Break alliances. Go beyond our comfort and test limits. To keep up. Stay in the group. Hide our fears.

Sometimes childhood memories — no matter how deeply buried — come back to haunt us later in life. They trigger latent issues and sticky points that bug us long past expiration dates.

Can it be the reason we’re skeptical about work situations? Cautious in group settings? Uncomfortable with confrontation? Or (still) afraid…of heights, rodents, locker rooms?

Childhood can be rife of humiliating moments too.

Picked last for gym. Not invited to a birthday party. Teased for mismatched socks.

Growing up can feel like a long slog — a lifelong process — but when I see big people using childhood angst for their adult struggles all I can say is:

Beat the crap out of that child

You’re bigger and better now. You’ve earned the BADASS label because you’ve survived this far, skinned knees and all.

For the sake of this rant, let me be perfectly clear…

Abuse, in any form, isn’t something you’re needing to “get over”. If that’s your childhood story, you have our collective love and blessings for a complete healing. This is for the rest of us. Those whose parents couldn’t afford the latest Keds and now have a friggin’ shoe obsession — vowing never to wear last year’s Prada again. Clear? Good.

And this too shall pass

Nobody said childhood is an easy ride. We hope it’s loving and fun and adventurous.

Having lived through it, you know it comes with bumps, scrapes and bruises.

Luckily, childhood is a phase.

(Most of us) grow up and get to learn to play adult. This ever-changing game comes with its own set of strict and/or arbitrary rules and opponents we’d rather not face — Jail (Monopoly), breaking the Cookie Jar (Chutes & Ladders), You’re Fired or Mid-Life Crisis (Game of LIFE) and many other fun landing spots along the way.

But you’re not a quitter.

You win one round. You lose another. You roll the dice and keep playing.

Why?

Because you’re in the big game for the long haul.

Reset the game clock

We don’t get it right the first time. Or the fifth. Or apparently the eighty-fifth.

I realized that my childhood game had morphed into the adult game. I was rolling dice playing with old rules; against long-gone opponents.

This needed to change.

I’d heard about people writing letters to their old self. As in: what would you tell your twenty-year-old self? The thinking being that as a grown-up you know better. With a loving and tender stroke of the pen your mission is to warn your younger self that all of “this childhood stuff” is either:

• For your own good (and sound like your mother)

• Will serve you well down the road (still sounding like your mother)

• Every little thing is gonna be all right (mother channeling Bob Marley)

I went deeper and decided to excavate every little thing that still lived rent-free in my head. And should have been evicted long ago.

Taking names

It was a private letter that started out slow, and very respectful, and organized. Then my pen struggled to keep up with the words leaving my brain. And get this: I had a good childhood. I didn’t vacation to the Alps or drive around town in a Rolls Royce, but I was fed and there was a roof.

My venting wasn’t about my parents. Okay, there was one exception. Something about size 9 ice-skates stuffed with newspaper on my then, size 6 feet. But that was a gratuitous inclusion. Parents deserve mention.

I had issue with my third grade teacher, a track coach and a few fellow students. The letter continued to name a Grant’s store clerk and YMCA swim instructor. Some kid in the college financial aid line. A woman who judged my heritage because my name ended in a vowel. The more names I listed the sadder I became.

Every one of those people had an influence on my childhood and into adulthood. They hid quietly curled up in the corners of my mind making cameo appearances in no particular order. A brief humiliation. Public ridicule. Condescension.

Honestly, I don’t remember thinking of them in my day to day life. But there they were.

As I wrote a name or recalled an incident, the proverbial dam burst.

I gave it to them. Right there on paper.

Playing the end game

The letter was neither a warning nor arm hug to my old self. It was a fuck you to everyone I HAD ALLOWED TO PLAY ON MY ISLAND way past the end of the game.

My today adult self wouldn’t let ANY one of them take that kind of advantage.

But as kid — most of us — shut up and stand up straight. We do our suffering in silence. Especially in the face of “adults”.

Hindsight is the advantage of experience. And growing skin. And a healthier sense of self.

If you’re hanging on to old memories that hold you back from today’s glory, try writing it out. Or record yourself. I did this too because I can talk faster than I can write.

If you do this, be prepared.

When I listened to the recording (days later) I didn’t recognize the voice or the person talking as myself. I felt a little sorry for her. She seemed to have suffered so much in silence for so long.

And then I wanted to beat the crap out of her. Tell her to look around at all that was good in her life. And then let that shit fly away once and for all.

Leaving childhood. Have a nice day.

After getting that ALL OUT, I wrote myself a love note.

For all the challenges and hard times she faced growing up — real and imagined —  but had survived, and left her standing taller. I let her know that every little thing is gonna be alright. That she DID survive failing Geometry, backstabbing teenage girls and falling off the back of Paulie’s bike and all the way down Riggs Street.

That not all kids play nice but many do, and she has them as friends today…20, 30 and 40 years later.

That her first love might have broken her heart but true love found her, and is snoring on the couch. And the truth is that zits reappear during menopause, but she won’t stress over that any more.

Get it all out.

Write a legacy letter

If this idea moves you, go a step further and write a letter to the young people in your life — kids, nieces, nephews, team members, students, grandchildren.

Share with them what you know. Provide guidance and wisdom and encouragement. Be honest in your stories so that someday they don’t grow up and want to beat the crap out of their childhood.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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The Power of Desire

Desire quote.jpg

How much are you giving to that thing you’re so intent on doing? If you want it bad enough you’ll make it happen.

There is a BIG difference between having an interest and having the commitment.

Don’t count on someone else or some great force, epiphany or AHA moment to get you anywhere but to the beginning.

Then it’s up to you to stay motivated. Focused. Head strong to the end.

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.”

Napoleon Hill

It ain’t gonna be perfect — ever. Use what you have and do what you can. Beg, borrow and steal (ethically, of course).

You can work out the kinks along the way. Being always going forward and keeping at it eventually ingrains itself under your skin too.

Hoping and wishing is internal.

Showing your hard work is external.

It’s proof. And it fuels the motivation you’ll need on the days throwing in the towel seems the best course of action. .

Do your very best. Today. Not a day ahead. Not next week or next year. That’s ALL you can do. No more.

If you’re lucky, your best today might suck six months from now, but only if you’ve stuck it out until then.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio

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