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I Love You Back

Luv U Back/self-love/www.befat.net

To the women we love…

Today I put this sticky note on the bureau mirror in the room my daughter stays in when she comes home.

Talking to her this past weekend reminded me to remind HER that no matter what, LOVE YOURSELF first. Not the shallow, arrogant, prima donna, self-absorbed, egotistical version she hears in her head when life throws a curve ball — nobody wants to hang around THAT girl. Rather, focus on the deeper beautiful spirit she brings into this world.

Make a love note to YOU, darling. Put it on your mirror. Take a look at your reflection every day — you already do! But from this day LOOK with a purpose.

Set aside the first minute of the day and really study the woman you see. The shape of her face, the tone of her skin, the curl at the edges of her lips, the golden flecks in her eyes.

Know her intimately and make her your best friend. Because no matter where you go, she’s never leaving you.

Greet her with a smile. Tell her it’s good to see her. Promise that today you will be kind and caring to her mind, body and soul. They’re a packaged deal — please, treat them equally well.

Cut her some slack. Give her a break. She’ll fall and fail and try again. Let her make mistakes and learn from them. Some lessons are hard, but in time she’ll reap the rewards of experience.

Hear her laughter. Allow her to cry. Tell her the TRUTH about EVERYTHING. You can’t hide from her and she’ll never let you forget it if you do.

Remind her that she is strong and capable, especially when she feels tired and vulnerable. While she’s independent and resourceful, impress upon her that it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. In fact it’s better to lean on her faith and family and friends than to wander in the cold too long alone.

And, please, stop beating her up for every little thing that isn’t “perfect”. Stop thinking she’s not worthy. She is MORE THAN good enough to conquer her dreams, however she defines them and wherever they take her. Stop telling her that in order to be happy she must check all the boxes by age X. Whoever the fuck put those thoughts in her head has their own troubles — she didn’t learn it here.

Under NO circumstances is she to feel obligated to be sucked into someone’s drama. The people she lets in her life should be carefully chosen to support and elevate her, not tear her down. She’s her own woman. And she’ll make a better partner for someone someday whenever she chooses, if she chooses.

Look at her face again. Deeply and truly, look. She is perfect in every way. There are NO imperfections. Don’t allow a zit or a bad hair day now and again ruin the entire day. Big deal. Such is life. A few years down the road tell her she’d gladly trade today’s wrinkles, thinning hair and a double-chin for a few of yesterday’s blackheads!

Keep the love note where she can see it every day. Pray for her. Promise to keep her safe. Tell her to do the best she can every day with what she knows. That when she knows better she’ll do better. But for today, what she does is fine.

Tell her too, that people will come and go in her lifetime but she’ll have the face in the mirror every day, for all her days. That she’ll be there in the good and bad times. Kiss her goodnight. Tell her how much you love her. Remind her to sleep well, dream so big it scares her and that in the morning she’ll get to do it all over again. With you.


Original image: Stephanie DelTorchio










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