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Be the Parent of You Be the Parent of You by Stephanie DelTorchio

How many times has the “adult” you pointed blame at your (elderly, or deceased) parents for your “adult” life’s shortcomings? (quotes intentional)

Let this one go away. Please. Besides it being in the past, the replay of your tirades and whining is annoying to everyone around you. Every word you utter and thought you circle over and over chips away at your health and happiness.

I mean, c’mon. We’re all grown-ups here. Whose childhood didn’t suck on some level? I didn’t get a brand new bike for Christmas. So what. Should I go back and sue my parents? When I reached high school, I got a job and understood the value of an earned dollar.  I bought a bike which I rode for over 25 years (yeah, it was a nice bike). I treated it like the prized possession it was to me.

Maybe your parents didn’t have the money for a new bike at Christmas. Or have friends to invite your family to their beach house. Perhaps their marriage lacked passion, or partnership and they hid their feelings from you; or you had a single parent who faced their fears of raising you alone.

Do you think your parents’ dreams, aspirations, goals and desires got put on hold a while because they were raising you? Surely your parents felt the pain of their flaws, inadequacies, fears. They too were misunderstood, judged, lonely, rejected, and ridiculed under the noses of their own parents, your dear sweet Granny and Grampy.

So you have this burden. This SOS (Sack of Shit) you’ve carried around since when? Fourth grade? And because why? You didn’t get a friggin’ pony?  You weren’t perched on a pedestal revolving under a white light 24 hours a day?

My parents had six kids and one income; I have three and two incomes. My worry is one-half minus one-half of theirs. I have no idea how they raised six kids into adulthood.

I’ll bet many parents, mine for sure, grappled each day with how to provide a balanced meal and electricity; your ego, however fragile and developing, nary a thought.

It’s a circle of life thing. And each generation tries to do better.

Here are three facts to consider:

You cannot change your childhood.
You cannot change your parents.
You certainly as hell can change your attitude.

And if you are a parent, please rip out the lesson(s) from your own parent’s playbook; the one(s) that sends you off the deep end, make you crazy and angry and grumble and complain.

Because sure as the sun rises and sets, your children will find something to hold a grudge against you someday. And worse of all you’ll be shocked and cry “Foul!” by the allegations.  All you did was try to provide for your children in the best way you could with the tools and knowledge and resources available. And however that is perceived twenty years down the road by your children is none of your business!

Today, forgive your parent(s) for whatever crap they did or did not do. Like it or not they got you here. Today, send a silent blessing to your parent(s) and offer a quick prayer of forgiveness. Get that monkey off your back once and for all.

Shut up. Grow up.

Today, be the parent of you. Nurture yourself. Inspire yourself. Encourage yourself.

Shower yourself with all the love, affection and adoration you didn’t get from them. Support your dreams, goals, desires without censorship; swing for the bleachers on this one. Go after whatever it is that speaks to you. Be to yourself what you wish had been given to you way back when.

Just stop pointing blame and using your parent(s) as the excuse for not making a good life for yourself. It’s stale.

You’re in charge now. Use today as the starting point. Get up. Wash your face. Be grateful for the day. Go get a damn pony if you want. Where your life goes from here is all on you.

Go BeF.A.T.

[Serious note here: If you indeed had parents who were truly abusive, I pray the collective Universe shines brightly upon you and heals the deep wounds that have been the source of your lifelong pain. I can never scratch the surface to begin to understand such betrayal of a parent to a child. Please do your very best to be good to you.]


Awesome REWIND

Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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