7 Funny Inspirational Quotes And Musings About Life | Be F-ing Awesome Today google4228e52aa5dfebc8.html

7 Funny Inspirational Quotes And Musings About Life

funny inspirational quotes

We know one thing for sure: The moment we are born the countdown clock to death begins. We must rely on small bits of funny and inspirational wisdom collected along the way to make the journey livable. Or laughable.

1. “Not every day is perfect. Sometimes it needs chocolate and beer.”

Achieving perfection is nearly impossible. That said, if perfectionism is unobtainable, is chasing it a bad thing? Let’s hope our doctors and tax accountants don’t think so.

Writer Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love and BIG MAGIC fame) says “perfection is just fear in really good shoes.”

Truthfully, most of us are comfortable going through life barefoot. It’s seem the way nature designed us and besides that, we’re less likely to trip on our way back from the bar.

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2. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth and remember your own name.”

Don’t you wish you could go back in time, to when you were a smart-ass, know-it-all, invincible little twit? Ah, to be a teenager again with all of the acquired wisdom of our trials and errors.

Each morning that we open our eyes and work out the kinks to get out of bed, is a privilege. One should embrace the limitations and constraints of an aging body in difference to those who no longer get that opportunity. Until life slogs on a bit too long, and then (maybe) we start to feel cursed.

After my mom passed away, my father would periodically complain about growing old alone.

“Did you get up this morning and pee in the toilet all by yourself?” I said. “And your own teeth are still in your head?”

He laughed, and then went on about his good fortune, comparing himself to “old men friends” who wore Depends and dentures.

“Don’t gloat,” I told him. “Write on your calendar how lucky you are today, before you forget.”

“Why?”

“Because leaving a personal legacy reminds the world that you were here, before you can’t remember where you put your teeth.”

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3. “In moments of doubt: Trust your instinct, say ‘yes’, and buy the Corvette.”

There’s been a long-standing debate in my house about saving money for tomorrow (the future, retirement). Me in favor. My mate, not so much.

Like many folks we’ve had our financial windfalls and struggles. I define ‘windfall’ as rubbing off matching horseshoes on a five dollar lottery scratch ticket for a ten dollar win. And ‘struggle’ is standing at the pharmacy with two maxed out credit cards and a wad of expensive prescriptions that need to be filled, today.

Neither my husband nor I come from wealthy backgrounds. Still, my man believes the bank has plenty of money. “Just go to the bank,” is his response to financing every want and need. On the other hand, to this very day, I’ve been accused of being a tight-wad, collecting interest on my First Holy Communion money. And rightly so.

But here’s the thing: Money’s not coming with us when we go. Unless you’re my frugal uncle who has made me promise to purchase a separate casket for all his worldly possessions (true story): “Nobody’s getting nothing.”

When is it time to unstuff the mattress, start giving it away or buy the freaking beach house? Answer: Before you can afford a box big enough to hold everything you own.

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4. “If you find people who are your kind of crazy, you will not necessarily succeed in life, but you’ll laugh. A lot.”

In his article The Surprising Benefits of Being (Slighty) Crazy, author Mark Manson says “a certain degree of insanity seems to be beneficial sometimes. It’s just a matter of directing that insanity in the right direction.”

He writes an in-depth interesting read about mentally troubled crazy geniuses. People like Issac Newton, who spent his days re-inventing mathematics and formulating the fundamental laws of physics, but “often have hallucinations and speak to imaginary people. Kind of like a four year old.”

And despite physicist Nikola Tesla’s genius engineering and futuristic breakthroughs, he suffered from an “intense phobia of dirt and germs and a curious obsession with doing everything in multiples of three.”

Men who could hide behind their craziness because they were inventing seriously cool shit.

In contrast, the crazy people in my circle — average mere mortals — bond over who advances (or doesn’t) on The Voice and perfecting pizza crust.

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5. “Cry a river. Build a bridge. Get over it. Move on.”

This is your life.

Some it’s a pleasant surprise — days when everything goes better than expected.

Some days it sucks.

And when it does you have two choices:

Curl in the fetal position and suck your thumb like a baby,

or

Understand that life has taken a raw turn and needs your participation to move ahead. When the fat lady sings it’s time to stop whining and act like a grown-up.

Hint: You are no longer A BABY.

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6. “When life gives you lemons, freeze them and then hurl them as hard as you can in the faces of people making you crazy.”

We’re required to take the bitter with the sweet.

Don’t believe me?

Look at the bottom of your life contract. Get your readers out. It’s written in fine print.

Listen, friends, shit is going to happen to you. It probably already has. What did you do? You figured it the hell out, right? Yeah, well, this is the way it’s gonna go  ALL THE WAY to the end. Life goes up and down.  Tighten your seatbelt.  Keep your arms and legs tucked inside until the ride comes to a full and complete stop.

The way a person chooses to balance the bitter and sweet breaks in life is a testament to his or her character.

Writer Elbert Hubbard is credited with the common phrase: Make lemonade from lemons. Dale Carnegie later used it in his 1948 book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

Originally written in a 1915 obituary for dwarf actor Marshall Pinckney Wilder entitled The King of Jesters, Hubbard commended Wilder’s optimistic attitude and achievements in the face of his physical disabilities:

“He was a walking refutation of that dogmatic statement, Mens sana in corpore sano (Latin: a healthy mind in a healthy body).” His sound mind in an unsound body proved the eternal paradox of things. Hubbard noted that Wilder cashed in on his disabilities. “He picked up the lemons that Fate had sent him and started a lemonade stand.”1

Carnegie’s version reads: “If You Have a Lemon, Make a Lemonade.

For those with a sound body and (even if only temporarily) a questionable mind, the frozen lemonade method works well when life turns sour. Just don’t expect such a glowing obit.

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7. “The older you get the more you realize no one has a f*cking clue what they’re doing.”

I talk about my father a lot, and not because I’m pissed about inheriting his crooked big toe.

An interesting lovable character, he loved to dispense wisdom and knowledge on his children. Listening to his stories and advice, a wizard tutoring his young knights, I openly soaked in the lessons of my elder.

However, as I got older it became apparent that my father, in an attempt to protect me, told loosely veiled truths. By age thirty-ish, the instruction manual I’d considered “the bible” on how to navigate life was reduced to fairy tale. The soundness of my wise sage became fodder for my peers.

At my first job in the real world, I mentioned to my supervisor, the merits of hard work and its earned rewards, as promised by the wizard.

“Your father was wrong! If you’re the best paper stapler we have, we’re not going to promote you. We need you in this (crummy, minimum wage) job. We’ll promote that lackey Bob.”

This proved true more than once.

The first man I ever loved, the wizard, was completely full of shit.

Except once.

I recall him singing the children’s song, The Bear Went Over The Mountain. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s  sung to the tune of “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.”

The bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain,
The bear went over the mountain,
To see what he could see.
And all that he could see,
And all that he could see,
Was the other side of the mountain,
The other side of the mountain,
The other side of the mountain,
Was all that he could see.

In later years my father explained the song, adult to adult.

His theory being that we spend the first half of our life (if we’re lucky) “climbing up the mountain.” Acquiring stuff: education, spouses, jobs, material goods, etc., believing we need all of this to get to the other side of the mountain.

The Promised Land.

Only it’s a misnomer.

“Many people give up a lot — relationships, fun, experience, travel, money, reputation, values, morals — to get to the other side of the mountain.”

But the kick in the ass comes when you’ve finally reach the top of the mountain. You look out at the view, the other side, the supposed Promised Land, and what do you see?

“It’s just the other side of the mountain,” he said.

That’s when you question whether you’ve compromised too much in the name of your quest. Wasted a tremendous amount of time and energy to get from here to there.

My father had a warning too.

Had you known what was on the other side of the mountain, perhaps you’d have been more careful and strategic with the choices you made on your climb up.

On this one, he’s not full of shit.

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Other posts you might like:

When The F.A.T. Lady Sings

Make Your Own Freaking Lemonade (When life hands lemons, you rescue yourself)

Declare Your Dream (My father, the artist, dreams of working for Walt Disney)

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Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio

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