Stephanie DelTorchio - Inspiration, motivation, quotes, sometimes funny rants on finding the awesome in every day google4228e52aa5dfebc8.html
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Control Freaks Not Wanted
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When Nothing’s Funny Order The Lobster
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Release The Albatross Around Your Neck
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I Spy With My Little Eye…A Mirage
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Be F.A.T. Inspiration For Newbies
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Choose Your Words Wisely
7
It’s Time To Live BIGLY
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You Have Options, For Now
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5 False Expectations That Will Ruin Your Day
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Your Flaws Are Nobody’s Business

Control Freaks Not Wanted

Cartoon quote: A CONTROL FREAK has an over-inflated EGO. Shut up and trust me. I'm smarter, better and know more.jpg

At some point in life maybe you’ve either been a control freak or have come across this breed of human — a supercharged ego who dictates how things are to be done. control freaks inspirational motivational

You know the type.

They can’t quite let anyone else do anything because they’re better, smarter, stronger, more capable…the list of their superiority is never-ending. Just ask them.

Growing up we called my father a little dictator (control freak), behind his back of course.

In his defense, he dealt every day with a gaggle of kids in a tiny house, sort of like a pilot cooped up in a plane at 30,000 feet…no where to go, no lock on the cockpit door, and hearing from the flight attendant that there’s a riot in 27B because somebody just took the last snack box.

My experience has shown these freaks crave control like a street drug. Often obsessive, angry, phobic and mood-swingy men and women, you’re never sure exactly what will set them off.

Not the kind of people you want to challenge to a game of, say, Monopoly.

My father was always “The Bank” because apparently none of his children owned enough toes to give the correct change. During a good game he’d buy up the majority of properties and grin over his stack of $500 bills. When he was on the verge of losing (to a kid who owned Park Place AND Boardwalk WITH hotels) the game board and pieces suddenly were overtaken by a rogue tornado.

They are gloating winners. And worse, poor losers. control freaks inspirational motivational

Getting older didn’t make dealing with control freaks any easier.

Towards the end of a contract job, after spending months dealing daily with a longtime card carrying member of the control freak club, I began to treat each day as if I were a contestant on a game show. It made the finale bearable and mildly entertaining.

“Welcome to the show…who is the guest host today?” I’d say this to myself before entering the building because I never knew which personality disorder would show up.

My supervisor had given me a lengthy to-do list. When I presented the finished product, along with the checked off list, he meticulously reviewed it in front of me. Then I was asked whether I’d completed a task NOT ON THE LIST.

“Never mind. I’ll do it myself,” he said and walked away.

At that moment I felt like I’d landed in JAIL. Do not pass GO. Do not collect your $200.

Psychologists, I’m guessing, have had a field day studying the control freak personality. No matter the psychological or chemical imbalances, their explanations do nothing to help we mortals to fend off the”crazies”.

Control freaks can’t admit they’ve done anything wrong. Ever.

They’re often delusional. Think: The Emperor’s New Clothes.

They’re zealots.

They’re humorless.

But as long as they stay far, far away, it’s rather amusing to watch them self-destruct.

When they do, they’ll point to everybody else in the room because control freaks don’t make mistakes. Or accept responsibility, unless they’ve stopped a tornado in its tracks. And they’ll hold a company-wide meeting or press conference to tell you how great they handled the situation.

Here's a fun fact...people don't always do what you tell them to do.jpg

We’ve all heard the lines:

“It’s a good thing I’m here to make this place run.”

Yes, it must be a tough burden to carry a building, a country or an ego that large.

“I will do it myself because everybody here is incompetent.”

If this isn’t said out loud, it’s pretty clear by the eye stares and the stupid notes they write, who’s the truly incompetent party.

“I’m the best there is at this (or that).” control freaks inspirational motivational

When you’re the best, it’s clear I can’t compete with this (or that). So I won’t (or don’t).

It’s funny to be around a control freak when so much of life is clearly out of anyone’s control. The next time one of them stops a tsunami or produces a correct drive thru order, I’ll be first in line to kiss feet.

I’m sure there are ways to combat these people but it’s a futile effort and I’m too tired to try.

I spent years as one myself. Mostly in my home. Because I did EVERYTHING better than everybody. Actually, I did everything. Not better. I just did it. The laundry, the dishes, food shopping, doggie duty…it’s what mothers do, right? So for brief periods in life being a control freak makes the system work. For real.

If a control freak can get to the point of giving up control, their life would become much calmer, at least for the people within hearing range. But calm seems to be the anti-thesis of their existence. Creating chaos and controlling that chaos is how they earn their stripes.

Hey control freaks, guess what?

If you don’t do it someone else will.

Maybe not like you.

Maybe better.

Until then, clear the runway folks. It’s going to be a bumpy landing.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

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Your flaws are nobody’s business

The hard way to change your life

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When Nothing’s Funny Order The Lobster

Cartoon of man ready to eat a lobster.jpg

Menu for day one: Over cooked chicken nuggets, canned peas and beef broth. cancer humor

Menu for day two: Over cooked chicken nuggets, canned peas and beef broth.

With a little variety — fried pork and canned cling peaches — these were the basic food choices for my husband for the 100 days following his bone marrow transplant. Restricted foods included fresh fruits and fresh vegetables, raw foods, milk products, medium cooked meats, seafood…pretty much anything not canned or cooked to death was off the list.

How many days would it take you to fling the hospital food tray across the room (assuming you had the strength to do it)?

After a few days of the repetitive, boring, “petrified food menu” my husband chose to order the lobster.

This went over big with the food service staff.

Let me back up a minute:

There are (too) many times in life when it’s tough to find something to laugh about.

Nothing’s funny about a cancer diagnosis, or the treatment protocols. Or for that matter, attending funerals for family and friends. Or being the victim of natural disasters…or any of the hundreds of crappy twists and turns that can happen in your life.

Lucky for us humans we have the gift of humor and laughter. No other creature shares the same level of ability to be entertained by stupid things.

Life can lead you through a battlefield, where you find yourself ill-equipped to protect yourself. Often finding the humor, especially during the most difficult times, is good medicine no doctor can prescribe. The ability to laugh when nothing’s funny is your radical self-care weapon.

It’s that defiant, in-your-face, lighthearted attitude that just might be the defense to carry you through toughest circumstances.

 Laughter is spiritual warfare.jpg

Back to the lobster…

My super smart husband figured out how to order dinner “off the menu.”

The hospital used a scan card system where the patient filled in the circle next to the desired limited choices. One day, when my husband seemed especially weak, I read the food items out loud and asked him to choose.

“Give me that card,” he said. “I’m cooped up here (in isolation) for six weeks. Filling that out is the highlight of my day!”

Never attempt to separate a man from his menu…

Later that evening a sweet young girl arrived with his meal. She was covered head to toe with protective clothing; only her eyes were exposed, and they were smiling.

“We enjoyed your menu selection today, Mr. DelTorchio.” She giggled, placing his tray of over-cooked chicken nuggets, canned peas and fried potatoes in front of him. “Can’t wait to see what you order tomorrow.”

Once she left he showed me his scan card.

He knew that by scribbling on the face of the card the scanning machine couldn’t “read” it. A real person was required to manually do something with the rejects.

“What did you do?” I asked.

He turned the card over and read while crunching his nuggets:

“Baked stuffed lobster…

Baked potato with butter and sour cream..

Caesar Salad…

Corn-on-the-cob…

Coffee milkshake…

Strawberry Shortcake.”

On day 100, recovering at home, our children helped make a baked stuffed lobster, stuffed with a second lobster. On the side we served a loaded baked potato and salad. For dessert? Ice-cream sundaes for everybody.

Nothing funny about that.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

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Release The Albatross Around Your Neck

Alan Cohen quote:View the past as your enemy, and it will be an Albatross. View it as your friend, and it will give you wings.jpg

Number One: We’ve all done things we’re not necessarily proud of. inspiration freedom

Number Two: Whatever you call them — errors, sins, poor judgements, misdeeds, crimes — what’s the freakin’ pride in carrying them year after year? inspiration freedom

I’m tired already of doing this like it’s my job. Not to mention my back isn’t as strong or limber as it once was to shoulder such a heavy load until the end of my days. Hopefully, you’re with me on this one.

The origin of the phrase

The phrase “an albatross around your neck” alludes to Samuel Taylor Coleridge ‘s poem “ The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” in which a sailor who shoots a friendly albatross (a large sea bird) with a crossbow, is forced to wear its carcass around his neck as punishment.

In more modern interpretations, it’s meant to symbolize the crap we carry as a badge of penance. Oh the drama…

Stop torturing yourself

I’m thinking had I forgiven myself for all my “stuff” years ago, I’d be tall enough to play in the WNBA as a point guard. Instead, on tippy toes, I barely pass the marked sign: “You need to be THIS TALL to ride the rollercoaster.” (Post: Real life moves up and down)

So when is it the right time to release yourself from the yoke of past transgressions and carry on with your one beautiful life?

Probably yesterday. inspiration freedom

The view from the world

It’s doubtful you’ve ever killed an albatross with a crossbow, but something you did has caused you to shoulder a heavy burden. In this lifetime it’s impossible to keep your nose out of trouble. And your mouth shut.

The outward signs of the stigma or shame hold you down. You aren’t light enough to take flight. And the people close to you see your everyday struggle.

What if you skew your perception of the old Albatross?

Albatross Quote: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.jpg

Rather than clinging to it, accept it.

Own it.

Atone for it. T

hen let it the frig go.

And by the way: The onus is on you. Nobody can do it for you. So don’t ask.

Give your albatross freedom

Treat the burdens you’ve chosen to lug around as a friend; someone who looks to you for help and a hug and a glass (or bottle) of wine.

As freely as you’d give dear friends compassion, understanding and a pass for her actions, be as kind and generous to yourself.

Remember, at the time you committed these acts, you did so with the collective wisdom you had to date. To hang on to something from your 20s or 30s, or whenever, with all your present day sense and faculties is ridiculous.

If you knew better then you would have done better. You didn’t know. You fucked up.

But you’re experienced now.

You know better than to lie and steal and leave bags of flaming dog poop at someone’s doorstep. At least we hope you do.

Your personal albatross is the permission slip YOU write.

To stay stuck and weighted down is pure self-torture.

It’s not a pretty sight okay?

Carrying the albatross stymies progress and growth and limits opportunities. If you move at all, it is with the foresight of a sloth.

Release the dead carcass. Release the burdens you’ve shouldered. Release yourself from under the weight of what no longer serves any purpose — as if it ever did.

Step up. Stand straight. You ARE tall enough to ride.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

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I Spy With My Little Eye…A Mirage

life quote.jpg

A mirage is an optical effect where an object in the distance appears as a mirror or water.

We’ve all seen movies where a person stranded in the desert is in desperate need of water. Hovering above the horizon he “sees” a lifesaving pool. With their last once of energy the person crawls toward the vision.

Why is it never chocolate cake?inspirational motivational quote

Some days we see what we want or need to see.

Lawrence of Arabia.jpg

Omar Sharif rides his horse through a mirage in his opening scene of Lawrence of Arabia. Photo source: Columbia Pictures.

In the children’s game I SPY you try to guess what the other person sees.

We were four adults entertaining a group of children by “spying” and guessing various objects while waiting for a restaurant table.

“I Spy with my little eye…” Each child said this while looking directly at the object, which made the game, well…easy.

Except for one child.

“I Spy something gray…,” said the precocious four year old looking all around, giving nothing away.

Every guess from the adults and older kids ended with a proud “nope.”

By the time our table was ready we’d exhausted every object we could see.

Proudly, the youngest player pointed to my husband’s cropped gray hair.

We were looking “out there” — at mirages. The winner focused on what was right in front of her.

Looking too far ahead is a double-edged sword.inspirational motivational quote

Done as part of a long term strategy, such as having a retirement plan, is prudent. A bucket list vacation that takes serious planning provides fun and a carrot-at-the-end-of-a-stick kind of excitement.

Although it’s good to have something to look forward to in the future, these items should run in the background of every day living.

All that is gold does not glitter.jpgHaving an eye “out there” wastes time “here”.

In the moment, making rash decisions or wild guesses or heading for a mirage seems like a good idea.

Sometimes the present isn’t pleasant. When we can’t or don’t want to confront it or take helpful action it’s easier to abort.

Crawling in the direction of what we think will be a lifesaver could have the opposite effect.

The thing is, often the best approach to survival (and winning at I SPY) is to pay attention to what’s in front of you. “Out there” is okay for planning or adventure but not as a day to day living plan.

The journey is real.

Seize the moments of this day because they won’t come around again.

Depending on the day you’re having you may hope and pray for the sun to go down. 🙂 Or maybe the day is so unbelievably magical you don’t want it to end. Either way, it’s a piece of your path.

So compelling is the desire for what’s “out there” that we’re willing to forgo what’s in front of us — real or imagined — to get to it.

It’s okay to look up at the horizon. Just be wary of making the far away destination your only goal. Its view changes as you walk towards it. Sometimes better. Sometimes not so much.

You guys, mirages are acceptable if you’re lost in the desert and in search of water. Otherwise, look closer.  “I Spy with my little eye..something chocolate.” inspirational motivational quote

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

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Be F.A.T. Inspiration For Newbies

My Wish For You Rascal Flatts lyrics.jpg

Some of you have been on this BE F.A.T. journey with me for a while. Thanks for staying when there are lots of options out there. Humor me a minute okay? There are new people checking out this site and I’d like your help in crafting our BE F.A.T. message. How I see it and how YOU see it could be as far as the east is from the west. inspiration motivation humor blog

My daughter says that the “F” word is wide open to interpretation. It means something different to every reader — Fabulous, Fantastic, Free, Forgiving, etc. True?

If you don’t want to read the text there’s an audio link option. It’s my first attempt at trying this. I’m way out of my comfort zone making a recording, but what the hell right? My dog kept looking at me, like, “you talking to me?”

I’d appreciate your feedback on where we go from here together. Please leave a comment.

Thanks.

(Audio Version of Welcome message…I could have been less serious…)


A message to our new friends:

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Choose Your Words Wisely

Mark Twain quote on word choice.jpg

Sometimes the answer you received is directly related to the words you chose to ask the question.

The next time you ask a question consider the words you choose. And if you want a different answer, ask a different question.

BE F♥CKING AWESOME TODAY! (#BeFAT)

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It’s Time To Live BIGLY

FUNNY QUOTE: Bigly* pronounced: big-lee. An adverb meaning to do it in a big way. *It's a real word. I know, right? Me too.

Constantin Stanislavski, a Russian stage actor and director, remarked that “there are no small parts, only small actors.” The meaning as it pertains to your life is easily transferred: You were not created to live playing small. Even in your select little world you get to choose to play the lead actor. live bigly

However, every moment you waste rolling over all the shouldas, wouldas or couldas in your head takes away from doing shit that matters.

Time is your most valuable commodity, and it’s running out. The kicker is that you have no idea when the end buzzer will go off. So the question then becomes: “How do you suck it in for all it’s worth for as long as you can?” The short answer is, no matter where you are in life, “Live BIGLY.”

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You Have Options, For Now

Quote on making choices before it's too late.jpg

In the 1970s my grandmother believed there were only four job options for a young woman: teacher, nurse, secretary, or to marry fictional heartthrob, Keith Partridge and make babies.

………………………………………………………………………….

My dad poked me to go on.

“College,” I said. “Data processing, you know, computers.” This was me trying to explain to my lovely Italian grandma why I wasn’t getting married.

“Nurse-a”? she said, a bit confused.

I could have been speaking English, Greek or Swahili. It didn’t really matter because it wasn’t her Sicilian dialect.

Living in America for seventy plus years, she’d survived just fine with a toddler’s vocabulary and hand gestures. Yet she could sing every word of the Partridge Family‘s theme song. With an early version of a fist bump to the heart, she made it clear “bello” Keith Partridge and I should get together. Which was the goal of every girl sleeping with a Tiger Beat magazine under her pillow.
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5 False Expectations That Will Ruin Your Day

False Expectations Motivational Funny quote.jpgfunny life quote false expectation

You want to believe in people, right? That what they say to you is the truth. And promises made will be honored. But when the bond of expectation proves false — for example: I promise to always put the seat down — who can you rely on? Well, you of course. Or a foot powered seat closer. Trust me, it’s a thing.*

See we have these lofty expectations about people. The right guy or gal. The co-worker or supervisor. The kid who takes your order over the phone. The government. Hell, everybody is capable of feeding you a line. And you, Mr. and Miss Gullible, believe it all — hook, line and sinker.

And why not?

Your mamma taught you tell the truth, so help you God.

Politicians swear to defend the Constitution of the United States, “so help me God”. Witnesses swear to “tell the truth, the whole truth, so help me God”. Men swear to put the seat down, so help me God, THEY DO NOT.

Do you see a pattern here?

So when did someone’s word become crap?

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Your Flaws Are Nobody’s Business

inspiration-funny-flaws-quote.png “Ilike my flaws. They define me.” That comment set me free from the daily self-sabotage of not feeling worthy. I’m only sorry that it took so long make peace with my flaws.

Should you need to feel complete and amazing and inspired today for no particular reason, there are three things you can do: inspiration funny fl

1. Take a good, extra long look in the mirror.

I’m gonna slap you if you focus on your “flaws”.inspiration funny flaws

Why is it so HARD to see beyond the surface of crow’s feet and acne scars and friggin’ ‘stache hairs? Because we (society) place so much worth and value on the superficial view.

You notice age spots multiplying faster than fruit flies. Your once plump skin slowly sinks below your jaw to party with the other two chins.

Welcome to the club.

Suck it up, and then,

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